I Thou
by SupremeOverlordHaru
Summary: High school AU. Unwilling to get close anyone, Nico tries to navigate life while living with untreated depression. All canon pairings. Dark themes.
1. Cast Shadows

**AN: Heh, I guess I'll give this fanfic thing a try. So, here goes: This is an AU. If I had to classify this story it would be, and pardon my weeb here, shonen-ai, so yeah…if shonen-ai isn't your cup of tea, you've been warned.**

 **No one will be a demigod, sorry guys. This also means that any gods I decide to include will be mortal…Like Apollo! :D … ok, I'll see myself out. Oh, before I do, I want to say, I tried to really hard to keep everyone in character and make it a believable story. I hope you like it.**

"I hate this..." Nico complained to himself. He was referring to a lot of things: the fact that he was back in school, the fact that it was 7th period and he hadn't eaten anything yet, the fact that he hadn't turned in his homework from before break, the fact that he had no friends, but mostly because he was stuck in gym class. Nico was not a fan of gym class. Nico was not a fan of anything that required more than minimal effort.

When he saw that the school offered a course called "Self-Defense" for second semester, he hadn't been too interested. That was before reading a quick summary of the class and realizing that every Friday was a relaxation day (a.k.a. sleeping in class) and every Monday was an "empowered day" (which basically meant the class just talked). After reading the summary, Nico had immediately signed up. Hey! If it meant he could sleep in class one a week and get point for it, he sure as hell wasn't going to say no!

Now Nico wasn't as sure. Most of the class was girls, which Nico wasn't too happy about. They'd all formed little circles of twos and threes, making him feel very isolated. Nico nervously fiddled with the hem of his gym shirt, and sat against the wall, arms crossed over his knees.

He must have nodded off, because the next thing he knew, a very short man was shaking his shoulder yelling something about cupcakes.

"…Cupcake!" The man, who Nico guessed was the teacher, finished. "You don't have time for that! An attack could come from anywhere! How can you defend yourself if you're asleep?"

Nico glared at him, annoyed by the tiny man. He half expected him to take out a megaphone and start yelling in his face again.

The teacher did not look pleased.

"Go sit in your attendance line!"

Nico sighed heavily, disappointed that he couldn't just keep sleeping all period; he would have to wait until Friday. Because of his last name, di Angelo, he wound up sitting right in the front of the second line, right in front of the teacher. Great.

The teacher passed the length of the gym as he gave his introductory speech. "So, you took this class 'cause you thought it'd be the easy option, did you, cupcakes? Well, think again! This will hard. You will be expected to work. Work just as hard as any of the football players. Now they're athletes…" the teacher tailed off wistfully and his eyes got misty. Nico suspected that he'd rather be working with them. "Points will be given every day for participation! No dress, no points! So don't forget!"

The teacher seemed to be done talking.

Nico felt a tap on his shoulder. He tuned to find a tall, bespectacled boy in a purple shirt.

"What?" He asked annoyed.

"Did he say his name?" the boy asked.

Nico shrugged. "I guess he didn't find it important."

"I hope I'm wrong about this."

The kid frowned and raised his hand.

"Yes! Grace! I had your sister, you know. Now she was an athlete…" The teacher said.

Nico frowned. This boy's name was Grace?

"You're Coach Hedge, right?" The boy asked.

The teacher looked a bit miffed. "Yes, I am Coach Hedge. Now, if there aren't any more questions…" He narrowed his eyes, as if daring anyone to raise their hand. No one did.

"Alright," Coach said. "You first assignment." He looked at his clipboard and frowned for a minute. "Get in small groups and list all the qualities in an ideal dating partner."

The coach turned around, a confused expression on his face. He mumbled something that, to Nico, sounded like "Really? …curriculum…so stupid...baseball…won't help…cupcakes."

"What the hell," Nico whispered to himself just as annoyed as the coach. Had he accidentally signed up for dating 101? If this was the first day, what was going to come next? He looked at Grace who looked almost as confused as him.

"So…is your name really Grace?" Nico finally asked.

Grace shook his head. "It's Jason. Grace is my last name."

"Oh." Nico didn't know what else to say. Fortunately, he didn't have to. Before either of them could try anymore awkward conversation, they were interrupted by a pretty girl with braided hair and kaleidoscope eyes.

Jason's face instantly lit up. "Hey, Pipes!"

She smiled. "Hello, who's this?"

"I, uh…"

The girl rolled her eyes. "He's so rude." She extended her hand. "I'm Piper. He's Jason."

Nico reluctantly took her hand and shook it. "Nico."

"So, guys," Jason interrupted. "Coach Hedge is looking at us. At least look like we're doing the assignment."

Nico glanced over at coach Hedge who, so far, was the only person shorter than him.

"Well, I like glasses," Piper started. "And blondes."

Jason blushed.

Nico said nothing.

"I think you're supposed to be talking about personality traits," said a voice behind Nico. He jumped to find another boy behind him. So roughly ¾ of the male population was in Nico's group now. "Hey, Jason. Mind if I join in?"

Jason shrugged. "Sure."

The boy moved to the side. "Hey, Piper. Had a good Christmas?"

She nodded. "Oh my God, yes! My dad took me and Jason skiing. He was terrible at it."

"I was not!"

"It's ok. It was cute," Piper smiled. "Oh, this is Nico."

"Hey," the other boy said. "I'm Will. You a freshman then?"

Nico shook his head. "Sophomore."

"Cool."

"Will tries to get to know everyone every year," Jason said. "He's pissed he missed you until now."

Nico shrugged. What was he supposed to say?

"So, you don't talk much," Will said.

Nico shrugged again.

"Grace! I can hear your conversation from here!" yelled Coach Hedge from across the gym. "You can socialize in your free time!"

Jason groaned. "Thalia said to avoid him. He's not gonna leave me alone all year. This is your fault, Pipes. You convincing me to take this stupid course-"

"Wait," Nico interrupted. "Your sister's name is Thalia?"

That was funny because Jason didn't look anything like Thalia. Then again, Nico realized he didn't look anything like his sister, Hazel.

Jason nodded. "You know her?"

"Yeah. She graduated last year, right?"

"I didn't know you knew her," Jason said.

Nico felt his face going red. Too much social interaction, now the whole group was looking at him.

"She, uh, was my senior advisor last year," Nico explained. In all honesty, he and Thalia had hit if off pretty well. They'd liked a lot of the same things, and Thalia hadn't seemed to mind the age gap between them. They'd called each other every now and then over the summer, but had grown more and more distant as Thalia had started her first year at college.

"So, um, back to the project…" he offered, trying to get attention off of him.

"Ok, I want someone I can trust," Will offered.

"I want him to have a sense of humor," Piper said.

"I'm cool with Piper," Jason stated.

Piper hit his shoulder. "Do the assignment, dummy!"

Jason frowned. "Fine, I want her to be nice!"

Piper scoffed.

Jason turned expectantly to Nico.

"This assignment is stupid."

"Ok, we'll skip you."

And they did. Nico stood there listening to the other three people talk, feeling extremely isolated. He wasn't sure why he didn't want to talk. He wanted friends, but talking to people…it wasn't his strong suit. He mostly found people useless.

"Ok, you can't just stand there all period," Will finally said after he, Jason, and Piper had exhausted the list of completely adjectives for an imagined partner. "Just say something."

Nico decided he didn't like Will. He took this class to sleep, dammit!

"Fine," he finally said. "I want someone who loves me."

It was the most generic answer ever.

"Yay!" Piper said. "Now we can all get participation points!"

Nico raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

"Hey, an A's an A. I've got dyslexia and ADHD. It's hard for me."

"I just have ADHD," Will commented.

Nico stared at them. "I have ADHD and dyslexia."

"Oh, we talking about my ADHD?" Jason asked.

"You too?" Nico asked incredulously.

Jason laughed. "That's freaky."

Nico glanced at the clock. "We have five minutes left."

"Ok, go around one more time then," Will said.

"I want her to be a good singer," Jason started.

"I want him to like video games," Piper said.

"I want them to want to be a doctor," Will finished. He turned to Nico.

Nico shrugged. "I, um, I guess I'd like it if they played Magic…the Gathering…it's a card game…" he trailed off awkwardly.

"Ok, get out of here!" Coach Hedge yelled from where he'd been sitting trying to read—wait was that a magazine about guns? Was that even allowed? "See all of you cupcakes tomorrow!"

Nico didn't need to be told twice. He often wondered why he was always in a hurry to get to his next class. He never liked it anyway. He changed quickly and left the locker room to find himself face to face with Will.

"Oh, hi again," Nico said. "Are you waiting for someone?"

Will shook his head. "Not really. I kinda wanted to talk to you."

Nico eyed him suspiciously. "About?"

"Hey, sorry if this sounds weird, but where you that cyborg on Halloween?" Will asked.

Nico faltered. "You remember that?"

It had been a minor thing in his mind. It was the one day, people didn't find his darkness creepy. In short, Nico's favorite day. Over the years, his costumes had gotten more and more elaborate, until it could have been called an obsession. But he couldn't believe that anyone still remembered his costume, much less him, months later.

"Are you kidding? It was fucking awesome! How'd you get bones to look real? And was that actually metal?"

"I, uh, used liquid latex and built it up on my face with Kleenex for the bones. And no, I used craft foam and painted it with silver paint and then went over it with plastidip to make the metal."

"Damn, I understood only about half of that last sentence," Will said. "So did you have to, like, follow a pattern?"

"No," Nico answered. "I looked at reference pictures and made it up."

"Man," Will exhaled. "That's epic. Do you remember me?"

"No."

"I was Dr. Who. I complimented you. Remember?"

"I…Not really," Nico said. "Sorry." He'd had a lot of different people come up and talk to him that day, probably enough for all year.

Will just grinned. "Nah, it's cool."

Nico found himself smiling too and shook his head. "I can believe you remember that."

Will stopped at the entrance to the B hallway.

"Ok, I have American studies here," Will said and stopped at a classroom. "See you around."

"Bye."

* * *

One class period later, Nico was staring out the window of the school bus, his backpack on his lap. He heard a commotion to his right and turned to find a flurry of red, curly hair flop now next to him.

"Niiiiiccoo" the hair whined. "I had an artistic crisis over break."

"Oh, hello to you too, Rachel." Nico answered.

Nico's relationship with Rachel was kind of weird. They'd known each other since Nico was in 6th grade and Rachel was in 7th because they both rode the same bus. They'd never had any of the same classes and were polar opposites. They probably should have hated each other.

Nico reasoned that the only way they even sat together was because of Rachel's constant art projects. Rachel was forever dragging some canvas around with her. Her projects took up a lot of room on the bus so no one really wanted to sit crammed in in with her and her art. She also took a lot longer getting to the bus so most of the seats had been already taken before she got to the bus.

One day in the beginning of 6th grade Rachel had asked Nico if she asked if she could sit next him. Nico had shrugged and she'd had sat down. She asked again the next day. And just like that, they'd fallen into a pattern. Eventually they started talking to each other as they rode home. After 2 years, Nico didn't even mind the artwork anymore; he was pretty small anyway. He and Rachel weren't quite friends, they'd never hung out outside of school, and Nico didn't even have her number. They were more like bus buddies.

"Nico!" Rachel scolded.

Nico rolled his eyes.

Rachel moved the canvas under her arms so Nico could see it better. "I spent 14 hours on these trees. I am so done with them. I never want to paint another pine tree again."

Nico smiled. He and Rachel chatted until her stop. After saying goodbye, he sat in silence until his stop.

The di Angelo's large, black dog was a little too excited to see Nico when he got home.

"Hey, girl," Nico said scratching her ears. "Yeah, yeah, I missed you too, Mrs. O'Leary. Now get off me." With great difficulty, Nico managed to push her large body off of him and went into the kitchen.

His sister, Hazel, was already there eating an apple and working on her math homework. Because Nico's school was so big they had split it up into two campuses: the main one and the freshman one. Hazel rode a separate bus home.

Nico flopped down next to her. "Can you not?" he asked. "We've been home less than 10 minutes."

Hazel shook her head. "I'm trying to actually get good grades this semester."

Nico snorted. "You're a freshman. Your grades don't matter."

"Nico, my grades are always important," Hazel said. Nico felt as if he was being lectured. He guessed she was used to his abysmal grades.

Nico sat in silence for a while listening to her pencil scratch on the page. He thought back over his day, or more his conversation with Will. Apart from Rachel, who he was sure would talk even if he wasn't there, Nico never talked to anyone consistently.

"So," broke the silence. "Suppose I made a hypothetical friend today…"

Hazel looked up, her gold eyes full of excitement. "Oh my gosh, really? Who? Tell me!"

"Hey, I said "hypothetically"."

"So, that means yes?" Hazel asked hopefully.

"I don't know. Maybe."

Hazel considered the statement for a few seconds. "Well, I would be happy," she finally said. "I'm sure Dad would be too," she added.

Nico nodded. When it became obvious that Hazel wasn't going to say anything else he said "I'm going up to my room."

"Bye! Do your homework!" Hazel called after him.

Nico walked up the stairs, entered his room, and closed his door ("Caution! Zombies inside! Enter at the risk of infection!" read the sign he'd put up a few years ago). He slumped his shoulders, no longer needing to keep his body upright. Any sort of composure he had melted away. He was extremely tired and went to take a nap. There was little else worth doing.

It was eight o'clock before he woke up to his phone vibration.

 _1 new message._

 _Dad: I'm working late tonight. Make dinner for your sister._

Nico sighed. His dad was often absent. Nico wasn't really sure what he did, not that he really cared. To the best of his knowledge, they were rich, but his dad was often gone on business trips, leaving only Nico and Hazel in the large house. Occasionally, Jules-Albert, a family friend checked up on them.

Nico wished, as he often did, that Bianca was there. Bianca was Nico's older sister. When they were little, they used to run around the house together for hours when their dad was gone and their mom was either sleeping or out. It usually ended when one of them broke something. It then turned into a game of "let's see how well we can hide [insert item] without mom or dad noticing."

Six years ago, Bianca and Nico's mother, Maria, had left to drive Bianca to her archery lesson. Nico's dad hadn't gotten home yet. Maria had told Nico to watch the house for her. That she'd be gone for fifteen minutes. Lock the door and stay with Mrs. O'Leary.

When she didn't come home in half an hour, Nico had gotten slightly worried.

That had been when the phone had rung.

"Mr. di Angelo?" a voice had asked.

"Yes?" Nico asked. That was him.

"Kid, is your dad home?" the voice said.

"He's at work," Nico answered.

"Alright, is there anyone home with you?"

"I can't tell you that!"

"Kid, if your dad gets home tell him to call me back. It's important."

"Ok," Nico had said. He hung up the phone. A few minutes later Jules-Albert had come over. He looked very upset.

"Nico, come one," he said. "We're going to the hospital."

To make a long story short, Bianca and Maria had been in a car accident—a bad one. Maria had been killed on impact. Bianca had been left in critical condition. She'd been transferred to the local hospital but had died less than an hour after her admittance.

Nico had never seen his dad cry before. He'd hugged Nico so tightly Nico was sure he'd be crushed. His dad didn't let go of him for what felt like ages. Nico had wrapped his arms around his dad as far he could and stood there, crying into his chest. Jules-Albert put a hand on his shoulder.

"Hades—"

Nico's dad looked up at him.

"Yeah, I know," he said.

The funeral had been the following week. Bianca was buried in her white Easter dress. Nico had crept up to the coffin and looked down at her face. It was almost like she could have been sleeping. As she was lowered into the ground and buried, Nico felt a part of himself stuck down with her, covered in the dirt, never to rise again. He felt like he'd never be whole again.

Life had been very hard for both Nico and his dad the next couple years. Nico had spent weeks cursing life for being so unfair. One day Hades had come home to find Nico sitting on the floor in the middle of his room. The place was destroyed. It took years but, eventually, very gradually, Nico had begun to feel ever so slightly better. He wasn't over it by any means, but he's stopped feeling absolutely terrible every day.

Two years ago, Hades had come into Nico's room.

"How do you feel about getting a new sibling?"

Nico frowned. "I don't want a replacement."

Hades shook his head. "No, not a replacement. A new sibling."

Nico shrugged. "I don't know."

"Well, I've been thinking of adopting," Hades said. "I'm actually going to put in the papers tomorrow. I want to check with you though."

"And if I say no, you'll forget about it?" Nico asked.

"No. I do want your input though."

Nico shrugged again. "I don't care."

A few months later Nico had met Hazel. A few more months after that, it was official and Hazel moved in. Nico tried to think of her a separate person, but it was easy to compare her to the sister he'd lost. Hazel looked and acted nothing like Bianca, but Nico still occasionally slipped up and called her the wrong name. It was an awkward situation for everyone involved.

Despite that Nico had grown to really love Hazel. She was always so upbeat about life and seemed so innocent. Nico knew she must have seen her fair share of pain, but she never let it show. She had cute, little mannerisms that made Nico think she was from a far older time than the 2000s. But then she pulled out her smartphone and ruined the image.

Nico went downstairs to where the sister in question had finished her homework and was now playing computer games.

"Hey," he said sitting down next to her and tugging at her headphones.

Hazel paused her game and looked at Nico.

"He's not coming home tonight, is he?" she asked.

Nico shook his head. "You hungry?"

"I already ate."

Nico shrugged and went back upstairs. Once in his room, he looked for his backpack, but realized he'd left it downstairs. It was too much work to retrieve. Besides, it wasn't like he understood how to do most of his homework anyway. Nico grabbed his "at home sketchbook" and drew a few, not very good, pictures in it before deciding he wasn't in a creative mood and throwing it back down on this floor in frustration.

Unsure what to do with the rest of his day, Nico went back to bed. It wasn't a very interesting or fulfilling life, Nico mused as he stared at the ceiling, but he had no idea how to make it any better.


	2. Fireless Phoenix

**AN: I guess it's time for me stop dragging my feet and just get this chapter out here. Trigger Warning: major description of self-harm about 2/3 down the page. This is probably the most graphic thing I will write, because** _ **I Thou**_ **is 250,000 words on my end so far, and nothing been worse. But still! Don't read it if you now you can't handle it.**

Nico's first period class was Horticulture, which basically meant plant class. Nico, himself, had no interest in plants, but his aunt did, which had lead him into thinking that taking the class would be less than extremely boring. He had been wrong. Nico simply could not bring himself to care about plants that much. The class wasn't even an easy A, because Nico didn't do the homework. The only thing Nico liked about the class was the teacher, Mr. Brunner.

Mr. Brunner wasn't a science teacher; he was a social studies teacher, but for some reason, the school had told him to teach Horticulture that year. Mr. Brunner found the class as laughable as Nico did, which made Nico like the teacher very much. Unfortunately, it did not mean Nico liked the course work any better.

Not that Nico liked most of his classes anyway. By the time he got to lunch, Nico was often very frustrated. Occasionally, he would play a game of Magic against a kid named Chris Rodrigues, but more often than not, he'd go to the library. He was currently reading a book on nonverbal body language and what it meant.

Nico knew he _should_ be socializing, but he couldn't.

He occasionally talked to a few people from last year, but it always seemed more like work than anything else. Nico had to stand there and listen about their interests, finding that he really didn't care. He looked at their face, they're forced expressions, and realized that they didn't want to talk to him any more than he wanted to listen to them.

One day Nico had just stopped showing up to the spot where they met. No one had come after him.

Nico had taken it as a sign.

He cut ties almost completely by the end of October. He did enjoy not having to take place in conversation with people who didn't want him around, but it made him feel very alone.

By the time Nico got to gym class, he wasn't in a good mood. The class right before it was English. Nico did not like English. English didn't like Nico, so it all worked out, but he still hated spending 45 minutes every day in the class.

Nico changed as quickly as he could in the locker room. He felt very uncomfortable about being stuck in a confined place with a bunch of half-dressed teenage boys. He always felt like he was violating their privacy somehow. Maybe he should just wear his gym clothes everywhere. No, that'd look ridiculous. Ok, maybe if he brought his gym clothes to the nearby bathroom he could change there everyday…no! That was way too much work.

"Hey!" a voice jarred Nico from his musings.

He looked around to see Will.

"You ready to beat people up?" he asked.

"I guess," Nico replied "I really just took this class to sleep though."

Will laughed. "True."

Coach Hedge walked into the gym.

"Shit. Hide me," Will said stepping behind Nico.

"What?" Nico asked, instinctively turning around.

"Someone took my sneakers," Will said. "Look." He pointed down. Nico looked. Will was wearing converse. The first day of first quarter the school had told the whole class that they didn't count as proper gym shoes, which in Nico's mind, was ridiculous.

"He's not going to notice," Nico said. "Why'd someone steal your shoes anyway?"

Will whined slightly in way of an answer.

"Shut up."

"Hey, get in line!" Coach Hedge yelled. Nico turned to find half a dozen other students milling around. "We're not going to make this into an everyday thing! You get in your lines by the time I get here!"

Nico walked over to his spot and sat down in front of Jason.

"Hey, bro," Jason said.

"Bro?" Nico asked. "We're not bros."

Jason shrugged. "Sorry. Habit"

"Quiet, Grace!" Coach Hedge yelled. "No talking!"

Jason's face fell, but he had the sense to keep his mouth shut.

"Yes, the most effective way to achieve silence is by yelling," Nico mumbled.

"So, yesterday was a warm up," Coach Hedge said after finishing attendance. "Today the real workout begins! I'm going to give you cupcakes 5 minutes to pick out a sparring partner. You're going to be working with them the rest of the quarter, so pick someone you don't like...So you can beat 'em to a pulp!" Coach Hedge finished. "Get going! Your five minutes starts now!"

There was a scrambling as people tried to pick out their friends. Nico stood up slowly; he hated this part.

"Hey, sorry to leave you hanging, but if I don't pick my girlfriend, she will kill me," Jason said.

"Nah, it's ok," Nico answered.

Jason wandered off to find Piper.

Nico sighed.

"Yo, Nico!" Will called walking up to him. "Partners?"

"Don't you have other friends?" Nico asked.

"Not in this class," Will answered. "Jason doesn't count."

Nico pretended to think about it.

"Ok."

"Cool!"

Will sat down next to the spot where Nico was standing and took his phone out of the pocket of his gym shorts.

Nico frowned.

"You seem to care very little for the rules set in motion in this class," he said sitting down crossed-legged next to him.

Will shrugged. "It's just gym class. It's not like its Band or Physics or something. Besides, I have to check on my babies."

"What?" Nico asked.

"Ooh, you want to see?" Will asked, excited. He scooted closer to Nico so he could see what was on the screen. It was hard to make out, but Nico saw a bunch of pictures of dragons.

"It's a collecting game," Will explained. "Ok, but my lore is so cool! Remind me to tell you about sometime when we have more time."

Before Will could explain in earnest exactly what was his dragon collecting game was all about Coach Hedge started talking again.

"This course is extremely important. More important than any other class you'll ever take at this school..."

Nico wondered why it wasn't mandatory then. Two years of forging language was mandatory. He'd had to take 2 years of Spanish even though he was fluent in both English and Italian. He'd been terrible at the class (yes, he realized Italian and Spanish were similar. No, it hadn't helped.) and it had drove his GPA into the ground.

After the Coach finished telling the class about how important the course was and how he expected everyone to take it seriously, he went into a brief overview of the curriculum. It seemed like they'd first learn to block punches, give punches, break grips, block kicks, give kicks, full body attacks from the front, side, behind, choking, and attacks on the ground.

After a brief description of how to do a palm heel strike, Coach Hedge made the class spit up into their pairs and begin.

"Oh, girls…and guys," The coach added. "Make sure you take off any jewelry. Earrings, bracelets, rings, that kind of thing."

Nico glanced down at his left hand. On it was his silver skull ring that Bianca had given him a few months before her death. Nico had to keep getting it resized as he grew, but he didn't care. It was very important to him. He also had his bracelet that read "Jerk" on. It was a friendship bracelet. After meeting Hazel and discovering she had a long, deep-seeded love of the show Supernatural too, Nico had gone out and bought the bracelets. He'd given Hazel the other one, as kind of a promise to be her big brother forever.

"Damn it," Nico said unclasping the bracelet. "I always wear these." He twisted the ring off his finger and put his hand to his hip before realizing that his gym shorts didn't have pockets.

"Do, you have pockets?" he asked Will.

Will nodded and held out his hand.

"Ok, be careful," Nico said giving the other boy his stuff.

The rest of the time was spent sparring. To Nico's surprise, he was really good at it. He was pretty sure Will was really bad at it too.

"It's not funny," Will said angrily after Nico hit the glove so hard it flew off Will's hand and landed a few feet away.

"Sorry," Nico said picking it back up and putting it back on Will's hand. "Hold on harder next time."

* * *

"I'm home!" Nico called out as soon as he got in the entrance of his house. He felt a lot better than he had in a while. Who knew punching people was so cathartic?

"Hi!" Hazel called out. "We're in the living room!"

"We?" Nico asked, slightly shocked. Hazel didn't generally have people over.

He walked into the living room to find her sitting on the couch with a big Chinese guy. They had a text book open in front of them on the coffee table.

Hazel looked up. "Nico, this is Frank. We're working on a social studies project together, so I invited him over so we can get it done early and then we're going to hang out in here."

Nico glared at Frank. He was pretty sure it was in the job description of "older brother" to immediately dislike his sister's possible boyfriends. He was going to damn well try as hard as he could even if he was skinny and at least a foot shorter than Frank.

"Um, hi," Frank said in a small voice, a nervous look on his big, baby face.

"Oh, ignore him," Hazel said. "He's just grumpy because he had to talk to people today."

Nico directed his glare onto Hazel.

She smiled at him.

"I'm going up to my room," Nico decided. "See you guys later."

Nico closed his door, and as he did, he felt his good mood melt away. He looked around his dark room. Maybe it was better with the lights off. The silence and emptiness overwhelmed him. He sat down on his bed, propping his head up on his hands and his arms up on his knees.

"Stop it," he told himself. "Stop feeling like this. There's nothing to be sad about."

He ran his fingers though his hair, trying to calm himself down. He left one hand on the back of his neck. In an attempt to distract himself, Nico pulled out his phone.

"There are not enough Deadpool comics in the world to make me happy," he murmured to himself. Still, he could try. He pulled up a comic and tried to lose himself in the story. It was impossible to be sad while reading a comic about Deadpool…until he started talking about how he hated his own reflection.

"Damn it, Wade," Nico told the comic book character on his phone screen. He put the phone down, feeling reality rush back to him. He shouldn't read these when he was upset. Sometimes they left him feeling worse than before. Nico felt too much of a connection to the character, which was ridiculous, because his life was far, far better than Deadpool's.

Nico turned to face away from his phone and lied down. He stayed like that for a while, not sleeping, not thinking, eyes glazed over. Eventually, he came out of his trance-like state enough to put some music on and clap his headphones over his ears.

The music on his phone did nothing to cheer him up. Most of the songs Nico had downloaded were a bit depressing to say the least. They just made everything worse, and at this point, Nico didn't want to feel better. He curled up into a ball in is bed, facing away from the door. He pulled the blanket over his head, feeling the darkness warmth envelop him. He could feel his breath bouncing off the fold of fabric in front of his mouth and hitting him gently in the face. It was hot, overwhelming. He pulled his arms up to his chest, tucking them behind his knees. He felt tears leak out of is eyes, slowly winding their way across his face, finally hitting the mattress under him. A small sob escaped his lips. What was wrong with him? He had loving family, he was attending a good school, there was nothing wrong going on in his life, so why did he feel so miserable? Was wrong his head?

"Why are you crying?" he whispered to himself.

That was it he thought to himself. Nico shoved the blanket off of him and stalked over to the door. He turned the lock.

He stalked back over to his bedside table. He opened the drawer at the bottom and shuffled though old papers and pens until he found what he was looking for.

He sat on his head, the exacto knife in hand. He'd gotten it freshman year to cut patterns to make a stencil. He'd never used it for that, but he had used it plenty.

Nico sighed. He couldn't believe he was doing this again. He'd been trying to quit for the last year, and yet here he was again. It was an all too familiar scene. He took off his pants so that he was standing in only his underwear and t-shirt. He glanced down at his right leg. Long, angry slashes ran down his leg, stopping a few inches before his knee. Some were old and peeling off, while some still had fresh scabs. Many were simply white lines on his skin. Nico sat down and, with the knife, made a quick, little nick in a spot that had cleared up.

He watched as little drops of scarlet formed along the line. It always amazed Nico to see just how red his blood was. The sight of the little pools made Nico's heart speed up. He felt hot and sweaty all over. He made another cut, this one longer than the first. As he did, he got a thrilling sensation, almost like riding a roller coaster. He couldn't tell if he liked it or not. The initial pain wasn't that bad, it was certainly something he'd gotten used to. He ran his finger along the new line, feeling the skin already beginning to swell up. He made a few more lines, before deciding he'd done enough damage for one night.

He took a tissue from his table and carefully wiped away all the blood that he'd gotten on his leg. He then pulled out a bottle of hydro peroxide. He grimaced at the stinging sensation. A couple of the new cuts bubbled. Nico carefully applied more peroxide to the rest of his cuts. He was not letting any of them get infected. God, that be so embarrassing. After he finished up with his cuts, he also disinfected the exacto knife. He carefully put the lid back on the bottle and hid it back away under his bed. He then put the cap back on the knife and threw it back in the dresser drawer. He hoped he wouldn't need it in a while. Finally, after getting dressed again, Nico balled the bloody tissue up in his hand and carried it to the bathroom where he flushed it far, far away. He washed the blood off his hands and looked at his refection in the mirror. Another successful mission, but he was a pro at this by now.

Nico stared at the face in the mirror. It frowned back at him. He felt hollow inside. Nico felt his fingers grip the counter, curing against the cold ceramic.

"I don't want to do this anymore."

* * *

"Mr. di Angelo."

Nico looked up from where he was doodling in his "at school" sketchbook.

Mr. Brunner looked disapprovingly at him. "A word with you after the bell."

Nico groaned internally.

"Nico, where are your notes for chapter 16?" Mr. Brunner asked as soon as everyone left.

Nico avoided his eyes, fixated on the hem of his shirt.

"I don't have them," he finally answered.

"And your notes for chapters 15 and 14?"

"I don't have them either."

Mr. Brunner frowned. "Why not?"

Nico felt a lump forming in his throat. _"Because as soon as I get home I can bring me to do anything but cry and hurt myself. I'm wasting my life."_

"I don't know," he answered.

"Why aren't you turning in your work?"

"I don't know."

"Nico, you're not going to pass the class if you keep this up."

Nico swallowed the lump.

"I know."

Mr. Bunner sighed. "Alright, if you turn them in tomorrow, I will take your notes for half credit this one time."

Nico nodded, still looking down.

"Alright, now get going. You're going to be late for your next class."

Nico, was in fact, not late for his next class, art. He'd never really seen himself as the artist type until he started drawing on his notebooks in 8th grade. He discovered he had a small amount of talent and he really like it. It calmed his mind. So, he'd tried to keep at least one art class in his schedule per year.

Nico had settled down in a desk slightly away from the rest of the students, but still close enough to listen to what his classmates were saying, the closest being Lacy What's-her-face and Mitchell It's-on-the-tip-of-my-tongue. They seemed like decent enough people, if a bit childish. Listening to them talk made time go faster for Nico and made it so he didn't have to think about himself. After listen Lacy talk about mountain goats for half an hour, Nico felt in a good enough mood to try to eat something.

Nico sat down in the cafeteria in the seat farthest from the door. It was quieter there. He opened his backpack. He kept a supply of cereal bars and fruit snacks there, not because he planned on it, but because so many days he'd take one from home, shove it in his backpack, and not eat it at lunch. Nico picked at his food and stared around the cafeteria at the people there. Across the room he spied a familiar, curly blonde head. Will was sitting next a couple of other people. They all seemed to be having a good time. Nico briefly wondered if he should go up to him and say hi, but quickly rejected the idea. It wasn't like he and Will were friends. They were just friendly. After finding himself unable to finish his food, Nico packed it back up in his backpack and went to use the library. He continued his book on nonverbal body language until the period ended.

During 7th hour, Coach Hedge announced that today they'd be working on breaking their partner's grip. Nico, again, gave his bracelet and ring to Will to keep in his pocket until the end of the period. And looked at Will. Was he supposed to just grab his wrist?

Will sighed. "Here," he said, extending his hand, waiting for Nico to grab it.

"Um, ok," Nico said reaching out his hand and holding onto Will's wrist gently. It probably the weirdest thing he'd ever done with another person. Nico refused to meet Will's eyes and instead focused on his hand.

Will twisted his hand and Nico felt his grip break.

Will laughed. "That's so cool. Here."

He grabbed onto Nico's wrist. Nico immediately flung his wrist out to the side causing Will's fingers to slip. He frowned.

"That's wrong."

Nico shrugged. "It worked."

"No, do it right," Will said grabbing Nico's wrist again.

"Fine," Nico said annoyed. He quickly twisted his hand the way he was supposed to.

"One more time," Will said holding his hand out again for Nico to hold on to. Nico locked his fingers around Will's wrist.

"Ok," he said.

Will twisted his hand, but this time, Nico was ready. He moved his arm along with Will's and kept the firm hold on his arm.

"What's the matter?" He asked, a grin on his face. "I thought you were going to do the thing."

"You're cheating!" Will scowled.

Nico just smiled more. "It's not cheating."

Will tried the move a few more times before Nico finally took pity on him and let go.

"Fuck, you're strong," Will said rubbing his wrist. "Where'd you get hands like that?"

Nico shrugged and held out his hand for Will to try to get back at him. Nico easily broke Will's grip for the second time.

"Ok, that's not fair!" Will fumed.

"You better make sure I don't kidnap you," Nico laughed.

"Coach!" Will called.

It took a while for the short man to come over. "What is it, cupcake?"

"Look," Will said. "Nico?"

He held his hand out. Nico held on.

"See," Will said, trying to twist his hand. "I can't" twist "Break his" twist "Grip."

"You need to use two hands then, cupcake," Coach Hedge said. "Here, kid, let go."

Nico dropped his hand.

"Now take mine," The coach said.

Nico, a bit unsure of himself, took hold of the Coach Hedge's wrist.

"Here watch," Coach Hedge said. He took his free hand and grabbed onto the one Nico had in his grasp. He pulled straight up and Nico felt his fingers slip.

"Now, you try it," The coach said to Will.

Will did, and it worked.

"Just do that from now on," Coach Hedge said as he walked away to yell at some other kids who had apparently decide to improvise some "karate moves".

Nico turned back to Will.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"Nah it's ok," Will said. "I still don't get how you're so strong though."

"I don't know."

Will shrugged. "I may have picked the wrong partner."

Nico smiled tightly, but he wondered if he had too. He was worried that one day during sparring, he'd accidentally hurt Will.

It turned out that Will got his revenge the next day when Coach Hedge singled him out in front of the class to do a demonstration during which he "smashed" Nico's face with his knee.

"That was like something out of a film," Will laughed when Nico sat back down, his face red.

"I like film," Nico offered.

Will looked at him with seemingly new eyes. "Really? So do I. I signed up for a film class this year cuz I thought "Eh, why not?" but I'm really loving it right now."

"Interesting," Nico said, a bit jealous that Will was taking a class he liked so much. Most of Nico's classes sucked.

"Yeah, I'm actually thinking of doing this PSA thing if I get time. You interested in helping?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Here," Will pulled out his phone. "Give me your number."

Nico nearly laughed. It was the first time someone had actually asked for his number.

"Cool," Will said as he typed it in. "I'll text you the details."

Nico nodded, but he seriously doubted Will would. He never really texted people. He and Thalia occasionally talked, but she preferred to call him. She claimed that texting for long amounts of time hurt her fingers. Nico had a few other numbers in his phone, but he never texted any of them. He figured that the people had forgotten about him.

He was very surprised that night when his phone buzzed. It was a new number.

Unknown: Nico it's Will. Link to PSA: radon/il_

Nico smiled to himself and saved number as a new contact.

Nico: Thanks.

Will: np


	3. A Failed Icarus

**AN: Spoilers for the plot of The Static Speaks my name, but honestly it'd been out for, like, a year, so if you wanted to play it, you probably already did by now...**

Nico's life continued on in a similar pattern for the few weeks. Get up, ride the bus half asleep to school, avoid Mr. Brunner for the first period of his day, go to the rest of his classes, read in the library for lunch, go to gym class (which was becoming his favorite part of the day), go home, watch as many dumb Youtube videos as he possible could, eat dinner when his dad was home, occasionally do some of his homework, stay up unable to sleep, finally drift off in the early hours of the morning.

As the weeks continued, Nico's teachers talked more and more about the ACT. Nico was technically too young to take the test that year, but his school had acquired a few thousand copies of retired ACT tests and gave them to the sophomores and freshman so they could better prepare for next year.

Nico would like to say that it was the homework was what got to him, but he never did it anyway. It was more the stress that got to him. All the teachers were constantly saying what the minimum to pass the class was. What a good ACT score was. What a good PGA was. How a good GPA and good ACT meant a good college. A good college meant a good job. Nico's scores did not measure up. His GPA was currently a 1.8. He'd done the math in his head and, even if he got straight As (which was highly unlikely) for the rest of high school, his GPA still wasn't going to be high enough. It sucked, because Nico knew he wasn't stupid. He didn't feel dumb.

Nico could feel his life spiraling out of his control. He knew he could fix it if he just tried harder, but he didn't. What was the point? Everyone already thought he was stupid. It was pathetic to try. Besides, it was easier to stay shut up in his room all day.

Eventually the school called Nico's dad to report his miserable grades. After that, Nico avoided his dad too. It was easy since he was often at work. He started to walk over to the public library after school instead of taking the bus home in an attempt to avoid Rachel. He didn't want her to ask what was wrong. He knew she'd be able to see something was up, and he didn't want to talk about it. He'd stay at the library for a few hours before walking the 3 miles home.

Strangely, the one person Nico didn't try to avoid was Will. Will knew so little about Nico it was easy for him to talk to him. Nico purposely kept any discussion about him minimal and preferred instead to listen to Will ramble on about his life. Will often jumped from topic to topic with little warning. He claimed it was because of his ADHD. Nico doubted it.

Nico was sitting in his general corner against the wall waiting for class to start when someone sat down next to him. Surprised, Nico turned to find it was Will.

"Ok, so you know when you can't get a game out of your head?" Will asked.

Nico continued looking straight ahead. "Yeah?" he asked, a bit confused that he was being talked to.

"Ok, so I played this indie game yesterday and I can't stop thinking about it," Will said. He leaned back against the wall. "You gotta play it so we can talk."

Computer games weren't really Nico's forte. He'd never really been interested, preferring board and table top games. Still, he liked talking to Will.

"Ok, what's it called?"

"The Static Speaks my Name."

"What's about?"

Will smiled. "I'm not going to ruin it for you. But I will say you play as this guy and you go through a day in his life. It really makes you think."

"Ok," Nico said.

"It's like one of those things that changes you," Will continued.

"Really?" Nico doubted any computer game could change his life forever.

"Yes," Will said emphatically. "Seriously you have to play it."

"Ok, ok. I said I would."

* * *

That night Nico was a home trying to decide it was really worth it to go back downstairs and get his backpack when his phone buzzed.

Will: Did u play the game yet

Nico: Not yet.

Will: Play it

Nico: Fine.

Nico found the family lap top and googled "The Static Speaks my Name". After a lot of messing around, he finally got the game to download. After that, it took an embarrassingly long amount of time to figure out how to get to actually open it. If it hadn't been for the fact that Nico knew that Will was going to ask about it, he would have given up on the game and done something else.

But finally, after much frustration, Nico finally got the game to open. The game resolution was wrong. Nico growled at the laptop screen and fixed the resolution.

It started off in a blank screen with a single white, buzzing, ball of fluff? Static? As he started to play though the game, Nico got the feeling that the game was darker than it initially seemed. The whole atmosphere was cold. When the objective "eat a shrimp" came up, Nico stared at the game wondering if it really meant what it said. In "Nico's" room, there was an aquarium filled with obviously pet shrimp. He clicked on the tank. One of the shrimp disappeared with a squelching sound. Nico wrinkled his nose. Gross. The guy just ate one of his pets. The next objective popped up: "Eat another shrimp".

"agh," Nico breathed. The game was seriously messed up. Still, Will had played through it, so there was no way Nico was going to quit. He wasn't going to let Will do anything better than him. Besides, it was just a game; it wasn't like he was actually killing any shrimp. He pressed the button. Another shrimp disappeared.

The game kept getting weirder and weirder as Nico played through it. Objectives like "Clean the microwave" turned into "Decide what to do with the man in the cage".

"There's a man in a cage in my house?" Nico thought, just a bit disturbed.

Nico's final objective came. "Return to your room and let your body rest".

Nico walked back to his room, but found it impossible to reenter his bed. He wandered around the house looking for a separate place to lie down, but he couldn't find anything. Finally he found a door in his room that he hadn't been able to go through before. Inside was a single chair and—

"Oh no," Nico whispered.

A noose hung from the ceiling.

He figured he really should have seen that coming. After a lot of internal struggle, Nico finally decided it was a game. So he pressed the button "Use noose". And his camera shifted to around and dropped. After a few seconds of jerking around, the room faded to black and Nico was back to the beginning of the game, only this time there were more buzzing balls of static. As Nico moved closer, he saw they all had names, ages, and methods of death on them. Was he going to have to play though all of these?

Feeling very empty, Nico selected one and prepared to die again.

The game cut to the credits.

Nico sat silent, staring at the game. After a minute, he grabbed his phone.

Nico: what did I just play?

Will: Ur finished

Nico: Yeah. What did it mean?

Will: It means whatever u want it to mean

Nico: Not helping!

Nico: Seriously, what does it mean?

Will: It doesn't have a meaning.

Nico: What?

Will: It's just meant to convey an emotion

Nico wasn't satisfied with that. The game had to mean something.

Nico: I'm going to play it again.

After 2 more playthroughs, Nico still didn't get it and it frustrated him. Was he just too dumb to get the message? He turned to the internet, but even it seemed to have very little to say.

"So?" Will asked the next as Nico sat down next to him. "How was it?"

"I don't get it."

Will rolled his eyes. "You're not supposed to "get it". You're over analyzing it."

Nico let a little growl escape his throat in frustration. "But what is it supposed to mean?"

"Why does it have to mean anything?"

"Because—"

"Look it's just supposed to affect you and make you think."

"It didn't affect me," Nico said.

"It clearly did. You played it, what? Two times?"

"Three."

"Yeah, it didn't affect you," Will said sarcastically.

Nico thought about it. "I'm going to play it again."

Will sighed.

* * *

A few nights later Nico was sitting alone in his room, his door locked. He held his exacto knife in his hand.

" _I don't want to do this anymore," he thought. "I need to stop."_

But what was he supposed to do? He couldn't tell his dad or even Hazel. He'd be carted away to the hospital or a psychiatrist or something. He didn't want that. He wasn't messed up. He was fine. There was nothing wrong going on with his life. There was nothing they could fix.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spied his phone sitting on the floor next to him. Nico picked it up and opened up his contacts.

Nico: Hey. I need to talk to someone.

His finger hovered over the send button. What was he doing? Nico knew what happened the last time he'd confided in a friend. He had turned him into the guidance counselor. He'd had to do so much lying to convince her he was perfectly sane. Even so, she'd called his dad who'd had to come home early to pick Nico up. After that, he'd had to convince his dad that he'd learned about self-harm from the health unit of his gym class. Technically it was true. Then he had to say how the school had said how it was supposed to be relaxing and he'd just wanted to try it out one time. His dad had believed him. Nico was a very convincing liar, and he was sure that his dad wanted to believe he was ok. The matter had dropped at the end of the last school year. Nico didn't want to have to go through it a second time, especially since he wouldn't be able to pass it off as a onetime thing anymore since he had a history of self-harm already.

"Damn it. I need to talk to him," decided Nico. He hit the send button. Nico instantly regretted his decision. He hated being so weak.

" _Maybe he won't answer," Nico hoped._

Nico's phone buzzed.

Will: Yo whatzup

Nico sighed. It would be so easy to ignore him. It would so easy to just say "nevermind". But Nico knew if he put the phone down, he was going to hurt himself.

Nico: I'm having some problems.

Will: what with

Nico didn't know what to say. This was a stupid idea. He put the phone down and wrapped his arms around himself. The phone buzzed again.

Will: Are you ok?

Nico felt his stomach drop. How had Will been so perceptive and so quickly too? He hadn't thought that Will had been that good at reading people. He certainly didn't think Will actually payed attention to what he said to him. He'd thought that he'd just been someone who Will talked to, a sort of distraction for him in class, not that Will actually thought about what Nico said. He was going to have be careful of what he said around Will from now on.

Nico's fingers hovered over the phone. What could he say? He could just lie and say "yes", but then Nico hated to think about what would happen after their conversation ended. He knew he couldn't say "no" either. That just worry the poor guy. Nico decided to do what he did best, evade. He didn't often outright lie, but based his lies off of truth. It made the story more believable and easier to stick with.

Nico: I don't know. Psychically I'm fine.

That last part was true. Nico hadn't done anything yet, and it wasn't like his life was in danger anyway.

Will: But are you ok?

Nico sighed. In this moment, he really didn't know.

Nico: I don't know.

Will: Where are you? I'm coming to get you.

Nico's heart jolted. No. No, he hadn't wanted this. He imagined Will bursting through his door. No, that was not going to happen. Nico barley let Hazel come in his room. There was no way he was going to let someone he'd only know for a few weeks see him at home, especially not like this. It was just going to go downhill from that. Will would tell Nico's dad and Nico would be taken to the hospital, or rehab, or a psychiatrist, or something like that. He'd have to talk to so many people. He didn't need to talk to anyone one to know the verdict. He already knew: he was fucked in the head. Talking to people wasn't going to change that.

Nico: NO! Please don't.

Will: Nico.

Nico: I don't want you to see me like this.

Will: Are you hurting yourself?

Nico: No.

Will: That's good.

Nico's phone went silent. He guessed the conversation was over. Good, Nico was sure if it went on any longer he would have started crying.

The phone buzzed again.

Will: What's wrong?

Nico: I don't know.

Will: You can't just say I don't know! Clearly something's wrong.

Nico felt a tear fall from his eye and hit the ground. Angrily, he rubbed his eyes. He was not going to cry. He was not. He had to say something. Will was going to keep this up all night if Nico didn't give him something. It took Nico several drafts to finally type something that he wasn't too embarrassed sharing and yet said something about his current situation.

Nico: I, um, kind of go through phases where I hate myself.

Will: So are you ok now?

Damn it. Why didn't he stop?

Nico: I don't want to bother you. Forget about it.

This was the dumbest idea Nico had had yet. Why had he even wanted to talk to Will? Nico knew he couldn't talk to anyone, so why had he willing put himself in this situation? Now the only possible friend he had wasn't going to want to talk to him anymore, let alone be seen around with him.

Nico's phone grew silent. Nico guess that had done the trick and Will was done talking to him. His head felt impossibly heavy, too much work to lift. Too much work to do anything. Nico supposed, in a way, this had worked. I didn't feel like hurting himself anymore. He didn't feel like doing anything but going to bed, and maybe crying some more. Not like this would ever work again because Nico was sure Will wasn't going to talk to him anymore after this. It saddened him to think he'd lost a friend in such a short span of time and for such a selfish reason.

Nico's phone buzzed.

Will: Ok, listen. My first relationship was freshman year. I asked a girl I liked to homecoming. The more time I spent with her, the more I realized she had huge self-esteem issues. I also did at the time, and we fed off of each other's misery. A few months into our relationship she attempted suicide and was hospitalized. I felt terrible. I didn't have many other friends and I couldn't talk to any of them about it. A few weeks after her attempt, I also tried to kill myself and was hospitalized. After I was released, I told myself I wasn't ever going to hurt myself or anyone else ever again. My girlfriend and I broke up after that. We couldn't recover with both of us dragging the other one down. What I'm trying to say is that I know what you're going though. I want to help.

Nico stared at the block of text on his phone. One thing in particular stuck out.

Nico: You tried to kill yourself?

He had trouble believing it. Will was not the suicidal type. He wasn't even the depressed type. He was constantly smiling, laughing, complaining about video games, or the gym exercises. His confidence was what drew Nico to him. He found it fascinating that a person could be so comfortable with how they presented themselves. Will's attitude was really "I don't care" or, as he would say, "I don't give a fuck". It was such a contrast to Nico and for that matter most of the people he knew, he found excuses to talk to Will more. To learn this was jarring.

Will: That was a long time ago.

Nico: I don't want you to hurt yourself.

Nico didn't want anyone to hurt themselves. He didn't want anyone to feel like he did when he was upset. It sucked. He couldn't imagine Will feeling that way.

Will: What are you talking about? I haven't self-harmed since freshman year.

Nico: I'm sorry.

Will: It's ok.

Will's last text felt Nico feeling worse. What had he done to meet someone like this? Will was far too good a person to be hanging out with the likes of him. Nico knew he didn't deserve a friend like this. Nico was not a good person; he never had been. Will should be hanging out with people who he could actually have fun with, not with someone who was going to remind him of his past. Nico shouldn't be hanging out with anyone at all. Not until he fixed himself and could be a functioning member of society again. Until then, he wasn't going to even pretend like he should have friends.

Nico: Will you forget me now?

Will: what?

Nico: Please? Forget you knew me.

Will: Why? Because you think you'll trigger me and you don't want me to relive my painful memories? Because that's really stupid. Or because you're planning on killing yourself and thus the "Forget you ever knew me" line makes sense. That's 100 times stupider that the first one.

"No! It's got nothing to do with me! This is about you! I'm just going to hurt you. You're not going to be able to save me and it's going to make you feel terrible. I'm not going to put that kind of guilt on you. I shouldn't even have friends in the first place, and I'm sorry I got you into this mess. You didn't sign up for this. It's not fair of me to ask you to look out for me. I'm trying to give you an out so that when how you hear in the news one day that the di Angelo kid killed himself it won't be your problem." Was what Nico wanted to type. But he couldn't. Not only did it admit way too much about himself than Nico was willing to share, he was also pretty sure it broke the guy code. Nico wasn't quite sure the guy code said exactly, and also how much of it applied to him, but he knew this didn't fit in it. So instead he typed:

Nico: Not the second one.

Will: Ok, that's good.

Will: Now I have the right to pissed off.

Nico: Ok.

Will: WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SAY THAT? What make you think I'd just forget you? I'm not going to forget someone especially not you. Unless you're bored with me already?

It was at this point Nico through the guy code out the window. Screw this, Will wasn't getting the message.

Nico: No, I'm bored with you. I really like you.

Will: Then why?

Nico: I don't want to bother you.

Will: My friends don't bother me.

Nico was done arguing. He had mentally shut down. The best thing to do now was just to agree so this conversation could be over.

Nico: Ok, but this is going to end badly. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Will: Consider me warned.

Around midnight Nico's phone buzzed. Nico picked it up curiously, wondering who could want to talk to him so late.

Will: I just realized I don't know your last name

Nico: My name's Nico di Angelo.

Will: di Angelo I like that

Nico: Thanks.

Will: My last name is Solace

Nico: I know.

Will: how

It was because Nico had looked him up in last year's yearbook. He didn't say that. It'd be too weird to say he'd been looking up his friends.

Nico: You told me before.

He knew Will's memory was bad enough for that to be believable.

Will: Ok I'm going to bed now

Will: Goodnight

Nico: Goodnight.


	4. Snowdrops

**AN: I must give my thanks to KekuleSalvador for the awesome reviews they've been leaving me. I'm ecstatic you seem to be enjoying my fic this much, and I'm keeping all the constructive comments for future reference. Thanks!**

* * *

Nico, the next day, was trying to figure out how to avoid 7th hour, but came up with nothing. He couldn't feign illness because the school nurse was notorious for never sending anyone home, even when they were sick. Nico supposed he could skip the class and hang out in the library, but then he's get written up by Coach Hedge and Nico had enough PM schools to deal with already. Besides, if he skipped gym today, he'd just have to go tomorrow. He couldn't escape Will forever, especially since he had his number.

He finally realized that he just had to bite the bullet. His heart beat faster and faster as he walked down the D hallway, towards the gym.

Nico sat nervously on the gym floor, twisting his skull ring around and around his finger. It was a habit he'd developed over the years and it calmed him down a bit. However, it had started to become a giveaway to the people who knew him. He forced his fingers to stop moving, not an easy feat, especially with his ADHD. A great thing about Nico was that he had no other visible ticks and he was so good at recognizing the ring twisting, it was almost nonexistent. It made lying very easy. Too easy. The way Nico could confidently say he was fine scared himself sometimes. No one had ever been able to look at him and see what he didn't want them to—until now. And Will had done it over text no less.

Nico heard rather than saw Will sit down next to him.

"Hey."

"Hi."

There was a brief silence.

"So…what was that about last night?" Will asked.

Nico felt himself tense up. All his metaphorical shields went up. He wondered if Will noticed. Probably. Nico forced himself to relax.

"I don't know," he said, but it came out wrong. His voice was tight, and way too forced. The inflection was wrong too. Why was his voice like this? Nico knew how to do it right, so why couldn't he do it now?

Will sighed. "Fine. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

Nico was thankfully saved by having to reply, which was good, because Nico wasn't even sure what he could say. Nico's whole life philosophy was about keeping people out. It was the best way to protect them. If he got them involved, he knew he'd only let them down. Of course, Nico said none of this as he and Will were both distracted by Coach Hedge entering the gym which gave the class about 30 seconds to get to their attendance lines.

"Alright, cupcakes, listen up!" The coach said as soon as he finished attendance. "The rest of the unit, we're going to be meeting in the gymnastics gym because the school thinks the rest of the unit is unsafe for you to participate in unless you've got a nice, squishy mat under you. But are you going to have a mat under you if you get kidnapped? No! So, you're going to have to try extra hard to make it realistic!"

With that, he tuned and marched out of the gym.

"Keep up, cupcakes!" he yelled as he walked.

"He really assumes people know what he's thinking," Jason grumbled from behind Nico.

"True."

"I should have joined Percy in lap swim," Jason complained as he stood up. "I'm sure it's much more fun than this."

"Percy?" Nico asked, also standing up. "Percy Jackson?"

Jason nodded. "Yeah. What you know him or something?"

Nico shrugged. "We went to the same middle school."

"Dude, what is up with you and knowing everyone I know?" Jason asked.

Nico shrugged again. "I don't know."

"More importantly," Jason continued as they walked. "Why haven't I met you until now?"

"I don't get out much."

"So what do you do then?"

"Oh, you know. I mostly hang out at my house."

"Meh. Sounds boring," Jason said. "I practically live at either Piper's or Percy's house. Now that Thalia's in college most of the time, I'm the only one in the apartment."

"Wait, what about your parents?"

"Thalia's my legal guardian."

"Oh. I didn't know."

"It's ok. Most people don't expect it."

Nico filed the information away for future reference.

The gymnastics gym wasn't exactly what Nico would call "squishy", but did look a lot better than the concrete main gym. Or at least Nico was pretty sure it was concrete, it was some kind of stone.

"Alright, today we're getting to the good stuff!" Coach Hedge enthused waving his magazine around almost as if it was a baseball bat. "What do you do when the enemy attacks actually attacks you. Tries to carry you off!"

Nico highly doubted that anyone would ever try to carry him off. He briefly imagined a shadowy attacker lunge at him only to be blocked aby a well-placed kick to the back the knee. If that ever happened he was going to have to write a thank you letter to Coach Hedge. Nico then imagined himself sitting at an old fashioned desk, a feather quill in hand, writing a very long, flowery, letter of gratitude to the Coach in question. He imagined sending it only for Coach Hedge to finally get it and not be able to understand the cursive on the page. The coach then called Nico leading to an awkward conversation between the two of them. Nico was called "cupcake" several times along with the coach's mad giggles of "I was right! I was right!"

Nico's imagined conversation with Coach Hedge was interrupted by real-life Coach Hedge.

"Go! What are you waiting for?!"

" _Maybe I should stop imagining these situations in my head," Nico thought._ He never knew what was going on afterwards.

"Nico!" Will called across the room. He was standing in a white circle painted on the "squishy" floor. Now that Nico looked, he saw the entire floor was covered in the white circles.

Nico walked over to the circle, guessing it was theirs now. He glanced sideways at Will to see if Will was looking at him like he'd escaped a mental hospital. He tended to get that look from everyone after he told them anything about his life. Will didn't seem to be. He noticed Nico staring at him and gave a quick smile before turning back to Coach Hedge was now going over the best way to escape after you'd managed to break the other person's grip (in a zig-zag pattern).

Nico continued to frown. Why hadn't Will's attitude towards him changed? Had he really just brushed it off? Nico didn't want to talk about last night, but the fact that Will had barely mentioned it, dropped it so soon, and went about like nothing had happened was strange. Nico wasn't sure if he liked it. He was expected to be ignored, shunned, at least some kind of pitying look, not nothing. It almost made Nico want to yell at Will _"Don't you care? How can you act like everything's normal? Don't you understand how messed up I am? How can you just act like none of that's true?"_

Of course he didn't.

"…It's a good thing you cupcakes are all buddy buddy now." Coach Hedge was saying. "So, get going, and remember, extra points to anyone who can pick their partner up!"

"Is it just me, or is he just an accident waiting to happen?" Nico muttered under his breath.

The class divided itself into pair and started what looked like the most awkward, synchronized hug ever. One person put their arms around their partner, still trying to stand as far away from the other person as possible, while the other partner simultaneously pushed their hand out and very lightly, tapped the other person under their chin. The first person would then immediately let go and take a few steps back, glad not to have to prolong the unwanted contact any longer. Gym friends were not "buddy buddy" as the coach had said. Gym friends barely tolerated the other person because they were good at [insert sport here] or because they were so bad at [insert sport here] they made the other person look good by comparison.

"Ok, that's enough," Nico said after a few, stiff "attacks" from Will. Nico backed away to the edge of the circle and rubbed his arms. This was officially the worst day of his life. Even worse than 8th grade graduation which had been 3 hours of sitting in a metal chair, way too overdressed in formal clothes while the principle droned on and on. Even worse then—ok, maybe it wasn't the worst day of his life. But it definitely made his top 10 list.

"Hey, don't look at me like that," Will complained, noticing Nico's glare. "I didn't write the curriculum."

Nico, with great difficulty, forced a neutral expression on his face. He told himself that normal people were fine with letting their friends occasionally show physical affection towards them. Nico then reminded himself that he wasn't a normal person. Nico liked his personal space and lots of it.

"I regret so many things," Nico said.

Will laughed. "Yeah. But it was either this or lap swim for me."

"Don't juniors pick classes before sophomores?"

"I forgot my ID."

"You're stupid."

"I can never tell if you're joking."

The two continued talking, pointedly ignoring the rest of the exercise.

* * *

The next lesson was on what to do with attacks from behind and, boy, if Nico didn't like the last lesson he hated this one with a burning passion. Not only was he expected to just let someone hug him, he wasn't allowed to even see them while they were doing it. It was also harder to kick someone who was standing him. Eventually, Coach Hedge decided since the class was going so well, the "attackers" should pin the "victim's" arms to their sides when they attacked them.

It could be worse, Nico reasoned as he managed to "escape" for the 4th time. Will wasn't actually trying to keep him in place and at least Nico knew who Will was—to an extent. It wasn't like he was a total stranger. Besides, if Nico was going to have to do these embarrassing exercises, he'd rather Will have to suffer though it too. They had kind of formed a competition between them. Basically, anything Will did, Nico had to do better. It had started off with Nico's superior strength, and had had just gone from there. It was so low-key Nico often wondered if he was the only one keeping track of it, but then Will would do something stupidly impressive and Nico would know he hadn't forgotten.

Hanging from the celling was a long rope that was probably meant for the climbing club or something. Despite the numerous warnings, and then threats from Coach Hedge, most, if not all, of the students, had been caught trying to climb up it at least once.

"I know what you're thinking," Nico said to Will who was eyeing the rope. "And I'm telling you: Don't do it."

"Oh, come on," Will protested. "His's back's turned."

Nico shrugged. "Whatever, idiot."

Will sprung forward, and began scaling the rope. He'd made it up a few feet before, Coach Hedge noticed.

"Solace! Get down from there!" He yelled.

A disappointed look on his face, Will dropped the few feet back to the ground.

The Coach scowled, yelled for a bit, and went back to his magazine.

Nico glared at Will who was wearing a stupidly proud expression on his face. His hair was ruffled, and stood up at odd angles. He looked for all the world like a puppy caught with a shoe in its mouth.

Nico rolled his eyes, but he couldn't help but find the situation entertaining.

"What?" Will asked.

Nico smiled, "Well there go your participation points for today."

Will snorted. "Like I care."

Nico cocked his head to the side, considering something.

"You think _I_ can get extra points today?"

"For what?" Will asked.

"This," Nico said. Before Will could react, he had wrapped his arms around him and lifted him off the ground. Nico was so much shorter that Will's feet only hovered a few inches off the air, but to his surprise, Will wasn't as heavy as he's expected. Nico figured he had at least a few minutes before Will became too heavy to keep up anymore.

"Put me down," Will exclaimed indignantly, trying to struggle. Nico figured he could easily break free if he wanted to, but didn't want to accidentally hurt him in the process.

Nico laughed softly to himself and took Will's sympathy as an opportunity to spin a circle. Nico's hair got in his eyes, and he felt Will's struggles increase along with more requests to be put back down, and so, defeated, Nico put Will back on his feet and brushed his bangs out of his eyes.

Will was not pleased. He glared at Nico, making him instantly regret his actions. Crap. Now what if Will was actually mad at him?

"Sorry," Nico offered.

"It's not funny," Will answered, still annoyed.

Nico wondered if it had been worth it. Yes, yes it had been he decided.

* * *

That night Nico was actually attempting to get his math homework done (he was failing the class) when the doorbell rang.

Wondering if Jules-Albert had come over, Nico put down his pencil and went to answer the door. Instead of Jules-Albert, Nico found himself looking at the baby-faced, Chinese guy from a few months ago.

"Hello?" he asked.

The guy nervously glanced at down at Nico. "Hi. I'm Frank."

Nico scowled. "I remember."

"I'm, uh, here to pick up Hazel."

Nico blinked. "Why?" he asked, slightly confused, but still suspicious.

"We're going to see the 5th Wave," Frank answered. "Is she ready? I told her I'd be here at 5:30."

Nico felt a pang of jealousy. He didn't really like the 5th wave per say (he'd never read the book, and the only noticeable thing was the girl's name was "Cassie" and her brother's was "Sam". If her love interest's name wasn't some form of "Dean", Nico was going to be mad.) but he had expected that Hazel would drag him along to see it anyway. He'd pretend to be mad, but he'd secretly enjoy it, not because he was a big fan of YA novels turned into movies, but because he got to spend time with his sister.

"Come in," Nico found himself saying instead. "I'll go find her."

"Hey," Nico called knocking on Hazel's door. "You're…friend is here."

There was a brief silence before the door opened. Hazel's big, gold eyes stared at her brother.

"Is he here already?" she asked. "What time is it?"

"5:30 apparently," Nico answered.

"Oh, gosh. I totally forgot to watch the clock," Hazel said.

She brushed past Nico and flew down the stairs. Nico followed at a more reasonable pace to find her already with her boots on, apologizing to Frank. He laughed and shrugged it off saying it was ok. Hazel grabbed her coat and panda face hat and smiled at Nico.

"Ok, I'll be back soon!" she called.

"O…kay…" Nico said feeling very left out in the conversation. Why hadn't Hazel told him about this sooner? Did his dad know?

Hazel waved goodbye before walking outside to where Frank's mom was waiting in the car to take the two kids to the theater. That was nice of her, Nico thought as he watched the car back out of the driveway. He hoped Hazel had the common sense to thank her.

Nico's father actually managed to get home before Hazel that night. Nico was again, in his room, this time trying to finish a sketch (he'd given up on math) when he heard the door open. Thinking it was Hazel, Nico put down his sketch book and went downstairs to find Hades di Angelo brushing the fresh snow off of his coat.

"Oh, hello, dad," Nico said, a bit taken aback his dad was home so soon.

"Hello, Nico," Hades answered, shrugging his coat off and putting it in the closet. "I finally managed to get everything done in time today. Caught the 6:30 train."

Nico was, of course, pleased, that his dad was here so early today, but at the same time, it was weird. Nico was used to his father being absent, seeing him now, in his own home, was kind of weird. There had once been a time when Nico and his dad were a lot closer. A time when Bianca and Maria were both still alive. Since their death, Hades had become distant, preferring to spend most of his time at work. Nico wondered if his dad was desperately trying not to get too emotionally attached to him or Hazel because it would just hurt him more if something happened to either of them.

"So, is Hazel back yet?" Nico's dad asked as he walked into the living room.

Nico followed behind.

"Not yet."

There was a brief silence.

"Did she tell you?" Nico finally asked.

"That she was going to spend the night out with a friend?" Hades asked not breaking stride. "Yes. It's good she's finally started to fit in around here. You know your sister's so shy."

"Yeah," Nico said, a bit disappointed that he'd been the only one left out. "Why didn't she tell me?" he finally blurted out.

Hades finally turned around to face Nico and sighed. "She doesn't have to let you know everything about her life. You don't tell her when you go out with friends, do you?"

Nico frowned. "I don't have friends."

"But if you did," Hades said, not missing a beat. Nico felt a bit hollow inside, that these remarks were so common from him, his dad didn't question them anymore.

"You wouldn't need to tell her, would you? Hazel's growing up, you know. She's going to make her friends. Does she need your approval for that?"

Nico shook his head. "I guess not." He was still irritated, but he decided he might as well drop it for now.

"Good, now have you made anything for dinner?"

Nico shook his head. "Haven't eaten yet."

"Alright, let's see what we've got."


	5. Broken Chains

"Nico, I think you're fixating on this too much," Rachel said the next morning trying to stifle a yawn.

Nico frowned. Hazel had come home around nine last night, and had gone directly to her room. Nico hadn't been able to talk to her, and their conversation in the morning was brief. Hazel had left on the freshman bus.

"I mean, so what if she likes this guy?" Rachel asked. "Hey, if you ever get a boyfriend, you could double date."

"Rachel!" Nico hissed.

"What?"

"You're missing the point!"

Rachel sighed. "Then what's the point?"

Nico wasn't sure. He didn't know why he didn't like this Frank guy. No, maybe he didn't dislike him, maybe he just disliked the idea of Hazel having other friends, and now possibly a boyfriend. Hazel didn't really hang out with anyone at school, other than Reyna that is, but she was a junior, so they didn't have any classes together. The only way they knew each other was that they had horse riding lessons together.

It was usually just Nico and Hazel against the world. Now, Hazel was going to leave him. It'd only be a little at first, but it would grow over time until Nico was totally alone again. It would be in a different way, but she'd leave him just like Bianca.

Nico knew that was silly. He shook his head. Hazel wasn't going to leave him.

"I don't know," Nico finally answered Rachel. "I guess I just have to get used to it, right? I mean, I used to hate Reyna, but now I think she's ok."

"Reyna?"

"Yeah, Hazel met her at the beginning of this year. She usually goes over to her house, but I've met her a few times. She's pretty nice."

Rachel grinned. "Yeah, just give it some time."

Nico figured that the conversation had reached a logical completion and, still half asleep, spent the rest of the ride staring out the window. It was still dark, but the few first rays of dawn had begun to shine pink light on the fresh snow. Nico's breath fogged up the window, highlighting the snowflake frost that had gathered on the edges. Nico shivered, unable to quite get warm.

* * *

"And that's three points of trample damage to deal with," Nico said to Chris several hours later. After going through his morning classes, Nico had decided to go to lunch. Not because he was hungry (because he was hardly ever hungry) but he hadn't played a game of Magic against Chris in a while. He didn't want the other boy to forget about him. Nico, although not popular in any circle, was pretty good at Magic. He enjoyed destroying the other players. Chris was a close his equal as it was possible to get in the school.

Chris grumbled to himself and took his Chandra's Phoenix off the battlefield and put it in his graveyard. Nico inwardly sighed, relived. Now Chris was probably going to rain instants on him, but Nico had plenty of special cards in his deck. One advantage of having a lot of money was that it bought Nico a lot of fancy Magic cards. Money might be able to buy happiness, but it certainly bought plenty of entertainment.

Chris turned his die: only 4 points left. Nico narrowed his eyes. He could win this, if not for that damn starfish card Chris had. Out of all the Magic cards, Nico hated the Sigiled Starfish the most. It made very little sense, but the first game Nico had ever played against Chris, he had easily beat him using the Starfish. Nico hated the card from that day on.

Chris drew his card, and put down the Tome Scour.

Nico scowled as he placed the first five cards in his library in his graveyard. Mill decks were his least favorite kind of deck to play against. It sucked to having other players messing with his cards.

"Hey there," came a familiar voice from behind Nico.

He turned to find a similar curly, blonde head. Of course, Nico chastised himself. Of course Will was here. Nico had seen him weeks ago in this lunch period.

"So, what's this game?" Will asked.

"Magic," Chris answered. "I take it you don't play?"

Will shook his head. "Nope. Never even really heard of it. I just saw the crowd around here and thought something interesting was going on."

Nico realized the crowd of students formed around Chris every day, and wondered why, in January, Will had suddenly taken an interest in it. Surely he must have noticed it in the first week of school. Then realized that, since he'd met Will, he'd only played one game against Chris, and it was before he and Will were proper friends. That meant that Will must have noticed him and come over because of it.

Nico felt his face turning red and was grateful that he was currently sitting with his back to Will. He glanced at Chris who was trying to explain the concept of Magic to Will while the crowd moaned in what must have been agonizing boredom for them.

Nico glanced at the cards in his hand to the rest of his deck. He was done. Quickly, he gathered up his graveyard and battlefield and stuffed them into his case.

"You win," he told Chris.

He grabbed his backpack, slung it over his shoulder, his case still in his hand, and hastened to the lunchroom door. After checking out, he briskly made his way to his usual spot in the library.

It wasn't actually meant for anyone. It was a gap between two bookcases at the very end of the library, off to the left. When Nico sat down in the gap, it was very hard for anybody who wasn't actively looking in that place to see him. And so he stayed hidden to the majority of the students, surrounded by psychology and fiction. Once, at the beginning of the year, a librarian had found Nico and told him he couldn't sit there anymore. He'd sat in an actual chair for about a week, before returning to his old spot. He liked it much better. It was more private and the shelves on either side of him made him feel safer.

It was only in his spot when Nico allowed himself to break composure. He ran his left hand over his face, letting it tangle into his hair. He focused on calming his breathing. He was not going to let this happen to him. Not again. He was not going to start caring about another person. He wasn't going to let another person start caring about him. That wasn't how Nico worked. He was a loner. The fact that Will had managed to worm his way into his life in the short amount of time Nico had new him scared him a little.

"Damn it," Nico whispered, wrapping his arms around his knees and pulling them in close. He could feel his heart pound against his ribcage.

He stayed like the rest of the class period, not moving. He secretly hoped that Will would somehow find him. He secretly hoped that Will knew what was going on in Nico's head and that he'd figure something out to fix it, to fix Nico. But at the same time, Nico had no idea what he'd say to Will if he did managed to find him. Nico's mind was conflicted with staying in what he was used to, isolation, or, something possibly better, something dangerous, something that could potential destroy him.

Nico had honestly never thought he'd ever make friends. He'd always imagined his prolonged existence on earth as a cold one. He'd meet people he didn't like, people he was neutral towards, people who he could tolerate, and who tolerated him, and that very, very few amount of people he liked, but wasn't allowed to for some reason or another. But now, the connection he'd formed seemed to surpass all of them. If Nico had to compare it to any other person he'd met, he'd have to liken it to that of his relationship, or rather lack of one, with Percy Jackson.

Percy was in eight grade when Nico had started sixth. Unfortunately, for Percy, his reading skills left a lot to desired. Although pretty good at Math, Social Studies, and Gym, and decent at Science, Music, and Shop, his English grades had been so bad, he'd been put in sixth grade English, along with taking extra classes outside of school to catch up. Percy claimed that the words started floating off the pages when he read.

Nico had had English with him and had instantly been in awe of him. Perhaps, looking back on it, it was just because he was older, or because he'd seemed indifferent about his bad grades, but at the time, young Nico had thought Percy was the coolest thing ever. Percy didn't seem to mind Nico constantly trying to hang out with him in class, well he didn't seem to mind too much.

Over time, Nico slowly started forming a crush on his only friend. He never said anything. Party because of two reasons: Firstly, at that time, he thought boys were supposed to only like girls. He, later, found out that being gay was definitely a thing, but at the time he was pretty conflicted. Second, and more importantly, Nico knew that Percy already had a girlfriend. He talked about her all the time, saying it was only because of her he even managed to get most of his homework done. Nico figured that if she was helping him and making him happy, then he should be happy too, but he never really got over it.

Percy graduated at the end of the year, managing to pass the eighth grade English exam, despite never having set foot in an eighth grade English classroom, and Nico knew it was for the best.

He'd actually stayed bus buddies with Rachel partly because of Percy. Apparently, she'd also liked him, and was more than a little upset when he'd politely turned her down near the end of her seventh year (his eight). Rachel knew she hadn't had much of a chance, but unlike Nico, had actually decided to confess to him before he left for high school. She'd been noticeably effected on the bus on the way home. Nico, in a rare showing he had emotions, had asked her what was wrong, and eventually wound up telling her about his feelings for Percy as well

During his freshman year, Nico learned that Percy and his girlfriend, Annabeth, were still together. It was actually kind of romantic. Percy, himself seemed to have forgotten about Nico, and why wouldn't he? It had been two years, and, after all, Nico hadn't been in his friend group anyway.

Now, as Nico sat on the library floor, he couldn't help but see this new friendship go down the same route, if not romantically, at least platonically. The sircumstances may have been completely different, but he hadn't had this strong, positive feelings for anyone else since Percy. They were, in fact, eerily similar.

Nico glowered at himself. He was not going to repeat this situation again. He was not going to develop a crush on Will.

" _It's already too late,"_ Nico told himself.

No, it wasn't…maybe. So, wait, was he admitting to having a crush on Will now? This was the problem with Nico: he had such a hard time trying to figure out how he felt about other people, let alone express it.

" _Ok, it doesn't matter what I think,"_ Nico decided. _"Because Will already said he had a girlfriend. He's straight. So, I don't have a chance with him anyway."_

Nico told himself he was stronger than his emotions. He wasn't going to let them get the better of him again. This time, he'd keep himself in check.

But did this mean he couldn't be just friends with Will? Will seemed to like him, certainly more than anyone else he'd been with friends with. Will seemed to be actively seeking him out. At least with Percy, they hadn't really talked outside of English class. Rachel and he didn't talk to each other when they weren't both on the bus. If one never showed up, the other didn't go looking for them, or even ask where the other had been the next day. Hazel was nice to Nico, but she was his sister, she pretty much was required to put up with him. Besides, Nico saw her as his little sister. To her he was someone who she could always count on if she was having problems, someone she could go to for help, not the other way around. He wanted to protect her if he could, not have her worry about him.

But with Will, he kept cropping up all over the school, a lot of the time just to say hi, especially after what Nico liked to think of as "the incident". Nico hadn't noticed it at first, but now he could sense, rather than see, Will trying to evaluate his mental state. Nico knew that Will was trying hard not to bring it up in conversation, but Nico hadn't read all those physiology books for nothing; he picked up on more than the average person. It was difficult for Nico even to put his head down without Will looking pensively at him. If Nico didn't look up within a minute and flash a quick smile, he'd ask if everything was ok.

But it was more than that. Will also seemed to genuinely enjoy talking to Nico and even laughed at some of Nico's constant sarcasm and deadpan.

Nico wondered if this was considered normal for friends. When he was little, he hadn't needed anyone other than Bianca, and, after that…making friends seemed pointless.

But at the same time, Will had said he considered Nico a friend. However, it was at a time where Nico had been emotionally unstable, and Will could have just been telling him something he wanted to hear.

But if Will didn't like Nico then what was the point trying to keep from hurting his feelings? Why would he care? Unless, it was all an elaborate hoax deigned to get Nico to open up to Will only to be publicly ridiculed for it.

But why go through all that effort?

Nico eventually realized that this was a puzzle he'd never be able to solve and that he'd drive himself as crazy as Deadpool if he kept up trying to figure it out. Since he didn't need voices constantly talking in his head, Nico did what he did with all thoughts he didn't like: he buried them and went to class.


	6. Empty Caves

Moving into the next few weeks, there was one thing on Nico's mind: The Deadpool movie. Nico had been a fan of Deadpool for what seemed like forever. Recently, he'd been reading the Spideypool crossover, which, although only had one issue out so far, he was really enjoying. When, last year, Nico had learned that Marvel was going to make an official Deadpool movie, he'd been hyped. The hype had built over the year. Unfortunately, the movie was being released in February and was rated R, which meant Nico needed to be 17 to see it, and he'd only turned sixteen at the end of January. Both he and Hazel had asked their dad to take them, but he had refused, on the grounds, that neither of them was 17, so it must be inappropriate for them. However, Nico wasn't going to just sit by while one of his favorite characters was brought to the big screen.

One day, while he was "exercising" in gym class, Nico briefly complained about not being able to see the movie to Will.

Will's eyes immediately light up. "I want to see the Deadpool movie too!"

"You a fan too?"

Will shook his head. "No, but the trailers look awesome. We should go see it when it comes out."

Nico felt his heart jump in his chest. Up until this point, neither of them had ever seen each other out of school, and Nico had assumed it would stay that way. However, Nico was nothing if not an actor, and masked his surprise with enthusiasm.

"Oh, definitely," he said. "But there's one problem: I'm 16."

"Damn," Will said disappointedly. "I keep forgetting you're a year younger than me."

"It's ok," Nico quickly said, trying to just brush it off. "It wasn't going to work anyway, my dad won't let me go anyway."

"No, no, no," Will shook his head. "I'm getting you in. How well can you act?"

Nico shot him a look as if to say _"Really?"._

"You convince your dad to let you out, I'll do the rest."

* * *

"Hey, dad?" Nico asked that night at dinner. "So I was talking to a friend today, and he wants to see the new Divergent movie this weekend."

Nico's dad looked up from his plate. His expression said _"You are willingly inserting yourself into a social situation?"_ , but he said "Really? Who?"

"Well, I guess so," Nico said. "He's apparently is a big fan of the _Divergent_ series, but he doesn't have anyone to go with, so he asked me if I could come with him."

Nico, actually couldn't stand the _Divergent_ series. He felt like that everything in it had already been done better by the Hunger Games movies, and he didn't especially like those anyway. The important thing was that it played in the same theater, on the same day, only half an hour before Deadpool. Yes, he had looked it up.

"Is this Butch Walker?" Hades asked.

Nico shook his head, barley remembering the guy other than the fact that he, like Percy, went to the same middle school as him.

"No, I just met him this year. His name's Will."

"And will I have to drive you?"

Nico thought about it very quickly.

"I think he has his license."

Hades nodded. "Alright, don't stay out too late."

Nico thanked his dad, and glanced at Hazel. She looked suspiciously at him. He gave her a questioning look and she mouthed _"later"_ at him and decidedly ignored him for the rest of the meal. However as soon as Nico excused himself from the table, Hazel did as well. Nico tried to disappear up to his room, but Hazel grabbed his arm on the stairs.

"Nico."

"What?" he asked.

"Do you honestly expect me to believe that your guy friend is a huge fan of _Divergent_? It's one of the biggest chick flicks of the year."

"Just drop it," Nico grumbled. "Dad believed it."

"Well, I don't. You hate Divergent. What are you really doing this weekend?"

"Nothing."

Hazel's face fell and she looked at him with a worried expression. She pushed her hair behind her ear and bit her lip. She locked her gold eyes onto Nico's brown ones.

"Nico, tell me you're not mixed up in drugs or something. Because if you, I swear, I'm going to tell Dad."

Nico almost laughed.

"No, no, it's nothing like that," he told his sister. "I'm really going to see a movie. Just not _Divergent_."

"Then what?" Hazel asked.

" _Deadpool_ ," Nico told his shoes.

There was a beat of silence.

"Then I'm coming with you."

"Like Hylla won't take you and Reyna," Nico retorted. "This is my only chance to see it."

Hazel exhaled loudly though her nose. "I'm not jealous because you get to see the movie: I'm worried about you."

"Why? I'm fine."

Hazel nodded. "I know, I know. I just…well…it's just strange."

"It's ok," Nico said putting his hand on her shoulder. "I'm sure Will will keep me safe from all the scary strangers out there."

Hazel smiled. "Ok."

And with that, Hazel turned around and went back down the stairs. Nico waited until she was out of sight before climbing the rest of the steps to his room. Once in his room, Nico pulled out his phone

Nico: I told my dad we're going to see Divergent. If he asks, you're a fan of it.

Will: Np

Will: Got you an id

Nico: WHAT?

Will: Chill it's just a school id guy in my class looks like u

Nico: Ok. Bet this had better work.

Will: It will :D

Nico: Ok, I'm deleting this conversation. See you tomorrow.

Will: C ya

* * *

That Tuesday, a sign on the boy's locker room loudly proclaimed that nobody was supposed to change today, because there was going to be a presentation in class. Always happy not to exercise, Nico continued on into the main gym. He spied a familiar curly head, and went over to the back of the gym to join Will.

"Hey," he said. Normally, Nico didn't like announcing his presence. He actually liked to play a game: how long can I stand behind them without them noticing? However, Will was different. Nico was half convinced that Will actually wanted to talk to him.

Will turned around.

"Yo, Nico! I got something for you here."

Will dug around in his backpack for a second.

"Congratulations! You're 17!" he said, handing Nico a plastic card. On it was the face of another boy.

"Ethan Nakamura," Nico read looking at the card. "He looks nothing like me!"

Will sighed. "Yeah, he does. He's got the same hair and eye color and your faces are similar enough."

Nico grumbled.

"Shit, man," Will said. "It's not like they even look at look at your ID for more than a second."

"Ok," Nico said. "But, I just have one question: How'd you get this?"

Will smiled. "There are many benefits of knowing the Stoll brothers," he noticed the look on Nico's face. "I'm going to give it back! Jesus Crist. Don't glare at me like that. Ethan's not even going to miss it."

"My morals are going," Nico remarked. He slipped the card into his backpack.

Will grinned. "No!" he whined. "Not another one gone!"

"Shut up."

Will took it as an opportunity to segway the conversation back to his dragon collecting game. Nico admitted it was pretty interesting. Will went through all of the dragons in his lair, explaining the backstory behind them all.

"So, did you make this all up?" Nico asked after a while.

"Will nodded. "Yeah. I love writing. I actually thought this basics of the story up a long time ago, and I've been building on it ever since."

He went along explaining about his dragons and how the game worked. Nico smiled to himself as he realized that the two of them were supposed to be listening to the presentation that Coach Hedge was giving for Hoops for Heart. Nico reasoned that, since the presentation hadn't changed since sixth grade, he wasn't missing much. So he tuned out the monotonous drone of Coach Hedge reading off a slide show.

Their conversation morphed from the dragon collecting game to Skyrim which Will had logged over 900 hours in. Nico had never played it before. His dad was good with a lot of things, but video games were not one of them. Will, in return was shocked and horrified. He promised that he'd invite Nico over so he could play some games.

"I'm going to be so bad at them though!" Nico said. The few times he'd managed to pick up a controller, he had terrible trouble with the games. Not just how to play the actual game, but how the buttons worked and how to steer.

"It's ok," Will said. "I've been playing them for over a decade. I'll help you. God, my childhood was Pokémon. What else haven't you done?"

Nico shrugged.

"Avatar?" Will asked.

"The Last Air Bender?" Nico asked.

Will shook his head.

"The one with the blue people."

"Yeah.

Nico shrugged. "Never saw it."

"What? How can you not have seen it?" Will asked. "It's one of my favorite movies of all time."

Nico shrugged again. "I'll have to watch it some time," he said. It was a noncommittal answer. He never actually planned to rent it, but maybe he'd read a plot synopsis so he would know what it was about.

"Lord of the Rings?" Will asked.

"Do you take me for a fool?" Nico snorted. "Of course I've seen Lord of the Rings."

"Narnia?"

"Read the books and own the movies."

"Inception?"

"It's got something to do with a spinning top."

"Ok," Will said, typing on his phone. "So, Avatar and Inception."

Nico titled his head off the side. "What are you doing?" he asked confused.

"I'm making a list of movies you need to see."

Nico rolled his eyes. "Really?"

"Yeah, it'll give us some good ideas of what to do when you come over."

Will continued on not seeming to notice Nico's expression. Nico, for one was shocked. He couldn't believe that Will was actually inviting him, of all people, to his house.

"How to Train Your Dragon?"

"The book was better, but yes."

"The Hunger Games?"

"Yeah, I've actually been dragged to all of them."

Will laughed. "Not me. Never like them."

"Me neither."

Will laughed. "Ok, Monty Python?"

"Oh, my God, yes!"

"It's just a flesh wound!" Will quoted.

"Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?"

"Hey, Nico, what's your favorite color?"

"Blue—wait! Yellow! Aughh!" Nico feigned dying, only to sit up a second later and continue to laugh along with Will.

"Grace!" Called Coach Hedge from the front of the gym. "Stop socializing!"

Jason, who had been sitting a few feet away the two of them, not talking at all, glared at Coach Hedge, but didn't say anything.

"Shut up, guys," he whispered to Nico and Will as soon as the coach's back was turned.

"Sorry," Will whispered back. "So," he continued in a much quitter tone "The Princess Bride?"

Nico nodded.

"Disney movies?"

Nico shook his head. "I'm not big on Disney. I've seen a few, but mostly no."

"Toy Story?"

"I've seen Toy Story 3."

"What kind of sense does that make?" Will asked.

Nico shrugged. "I don't know."

"Mean girls?"

Nico wrinkled his nose. "That's a chick movie."

Will shook his head. "Mean Girls is for everyone. It's a classic. It was made back when Linsey Lohan was still actually a good actress. I'm adding it to the list."

"Nooo," Nico complained.

"Too late."

"I'm assuming Harry Potter," Will said after finishing updating his list.

"I own a Hogwarts T-shirt," Nico answered. "You've seen me in it!"

Will thought about it for a second. "Huh. I guess I have. What house you in?"

"Slytherin," Nico answered.

"Hey, me too!"

Nico narrowed his eyes. "Seriously? I thought you'd be in Hufflepuff for sure."

Will nodded. "So did I, for the longest time, but then I got sorted on Pottermore. But, I love snakes, so I guess I kind of see it."

"Really?" Nico asked. He'd never met someone who loved reptiles before. Lots of people gushed over how cute puppies or kittens were, but never snakes.

"Yeah," Will enthused. "I really want a ball python. My dad think they'd be able to kill me though, despite the fact that they're literally the most common house pet. For snakes," He added.

"Well, that's stupid," Nico said.

"I know!" Will said. "And they're the chilliest snakes ever. You can just put them on your hand and they'll hang out with you for hours. I once went to Petsmart and they let me hold a baby ball python."

"Cool," Nico said. "So, you don't have any pets then?"

Will shook his head. "I have a fish, but it's not the same."

"I have a dog," Nico offered. "Her name is Mrs. O'Leary."

Will laughed. "How'd you come up with that?"

Nico shrugged. "She came with the name, and she already answered to it, so we didn't change it."

"My fish's name is Broseidon."

"Bro-seidon?" Nico asked incredulous.

"Yeah, cause he's a bro," Will answered. "I got him last year when my boyfriend and I went to the summer carnival."

And that was the sentence that sent alarm bells off in Nico's mind. Oh, God, not again. Not another Percy. _"No, no, no,"_ Nico thought. _"Not again. Not again."_

Nico became aware that he hadn't said anything yet.

"So," he said, trying hard to say something other than _"You're bi? Why didn't you tell me?"._

"You have a boyfriend? I feel cheated. Why haven't I met him yet?"

Will shrugged, kind of embarrassedly. "Oh, I should have said ex. We broke up at the end of the summer. He was straight. So, you know, it wasn't going to work out, but we're still friends, so I guess I don't consider him an ex."

Nico wasn't going to question how something like happened, but he assumed that people were just stupid.

"Oh," he finally said. What else was he supposed to say to that? Was there even a proper response?

Will shrugged. "Yeah, but anyway. I seriously need to get a ball python as soon as graduate. It's going to be the closest to a dragon I'm ever going to get. Dragons are basically snakes with wings."

Relived that Will had changed the subject himself, Nico told him how he planned to get a black dog and name him Sirius. Will found that hilarious, and Nico suspected, just a bit pathetic.

* * *

The next day, Will wasn't in class. Nico was painfully reminded why he hated gym class, especially partner work. Since everybody already had paired up weeks ago, Nico got to practice with Coach Hedge. It was a terrifying experience. Nico was sure the little guy could easily snap him in half or take him out with some kung fu. Really though, Nico was forced to do more exercise than he had done all semester, so he had to give the coach one thing: working out really was his passion.

The next day, Will also wasn't in class. At this point, Nico had gotten worried. One day was normal, but two days missing, and something was probably wrong. Nico's mind instantly jumped to the night of "the incident". Will had admitted to being suicidal once. What if he'd relapsed? What if he was secretly really hurting, but he kept it together in front of Nico much like Nico did in front of Hazel?

As soon as Nico got home he took out his phone and typed

"Hey, you haven't been in school. You ok?".

He looked at the message for a long time before shaking his head and deleting it from his que. It sounded stupid. He placed his phone on his bedside table and tried to forget about it, but he couldn't shake the notion something had happened to Will.

The next day was Friday, just one day before the two of them had planned to see _Deadpool_ and Nico, in second period resolved that, if Will wasn't in class again, he would text him. By fourth period, Nico decided that texting him on Saturday was probably a better idea. By fifth period, Nico had come to the conclusion that Will probably just didn't want to talk to him and if he did, he'd text Nico. By sixth period, Nico had decided that a: Will was too injured to talk to him anyway, or b: was purposely ignoring him. By the beginning of seventh period, Nico had decided that Will must have been hospitalized again.

Nico entered the gym, not particularly looking for Will and was very surprised when he saw him alive and well leaning against the wall in their usual place. Nico felt relive wash over him as we walked across the gym. He didn't want to admit it, but he'd been worried, perhaps without reason. Oh well, he didn't have to tell people.

"Hi-" Nico started but was interrupted by Will pulling him into a rough hug. Nico felt his stomach flip, was this meant to be butterflies? If it was he didn't like it. It made him want to throw up his, well, he hadn't eaten anything today yet. His stomach acid?

Nico pulled back and studied Will's face. He had a bruise on his right cheek and butterfly bandages on the side of his chin.

"Are you ok?" Nico asked.

"I was in a car accident."

Nico blinked. "Are you serious? Where?"

"Right up here," Will answered. "Literally right outside of the school. Didn't you hear about it?"

Nico shook his head. He didn't drive. He'd just gotten his permit this month.

"It was really big news," Will said. "So, I was trying to get to school, you know, like normal, and then, some car comes out of nowhere and slams into the side of my car, and then my car winds up hitting two other cars. It was fucking scary as shit, but I'm ok. I didn't even need stitches, but my car's totaled."

"Oh," said Nico not quite knowing what _"totaled"_ meant. "That sucks."

"I know!" Will said. "My parents and I are trying to find me a new car now that I can afford, because I'm but a poor boy. I have no money."

"But lots of Skyrim mods," Nico added.

"You have a point," Will conceded.

"I thought you died," Nico said, without thinking. Damn it, he cursed himself. Why did his filter disappear around Will?

A crease formed between Will's eyebrows. "Why would you think that?"

Nico shrugged. "It would be the only reason I would miss two days," he answered, trying to pass it off as a joke.

Will shook his head. "You remind me so much of me sometimes it's freaky."

Nico frowned. "I'm not like you."

"You're like freshman me," Will clarified. "Only a lot nicer, and more in control. I was an asshole back them. I would have hated me."

"I would have liked you," Nico said.

"No, you wouldn't have."

"So, I'm you two years ago?" Nico asked. "Well, I guess that gives me a bright future. Just look what I could become."

Will nodded, and Nico doubted he had even heard his last statement. Will seemed to be lost in his past, and Nico realized that he had been comparing the two of them in more ways than just they both liked the same animes (FMA/FMAB was both of their favorites). Nico wondered how much of himself Will saw in him.

"So…"Nico said, in an attempt to lighten the mood which had grown unsettlingly dark in the last few seconds. "Are we still on for Saturday?"

Will nodded. "Are you kidding? You think I'm going to miss it because of a few bruises? Hell, yeah, we're still on! I wanna see Deadpool cut some guys in half!"

"I can't decide if that's a good thing."

Nico smiled. This is why he liked gym class best of all now: blatantly not exercising and talking about comic book characters.

Will smiled back and Nico felt the butterflies return.


	7. Incubus

Several hours later, Nico was finding it impossible to fall asleep. He glanced at the clock: 1:12am. Nico rolled on to his back, careful not to bump anything with his right leg, because it was still very sore. Most people thought that self-harm only hurt when you actually did it, when you were actually cutting yourself to ribbons. What they didn't realize was that the cuts scab over and stick around. They were sensitive to the touch and constantly rubbing against whatever clothing you hid them under. They slowly heal, but still throb and ache painfully. Nico's old scares never fully healed, never quite stopped hurting.

Nico moaned to himself, because if he never slept, he was going to be extremely grumpy the next morning. He slid out of bed and, carefully checking for his dad or sister, made his way down to the kitchen and the medicine cabinet. He rifled through the bottles until he found the one of Nyquil. Nico didn't enjoy taking medicine to make him sleep, but some days it was necessary.

He was asleep 15 minutes later, but he had a very strange dream.

In it Nico was in what seemed like a futuristic classroom. Around him were lots of other classmates, but he recognized none of them or even make anything out other than blurry faces. He knew he needed to protect them. He wasn't sure why, he just knew he did.

As Nico looked around, he sensed something ominous in the room just behind him. He turned around and saw nothing, but an overwhelming feeling of terror washed over him. He needed to get out of here and fast.

Nico yelled for the teenagers to follow him and ran to the door of the classroom, pulling it open. Outside was a long corridor—so long that the ends on each side faded into darkness. Just then, Nico noticed a sword hanging at his side. He pulled it out of its sheath. It was 4 feet of sharp, pitch black metal. For some reason, it felt completely natural in his hand, almost as if he'd been fighting with it for years.

He began running though the hallways, all the while yelling for the kids to follow him. He looked back and saw them moving impossibly slowly. Nico ran back to them.

"Go! Go! Go!" he yelled pushing the kids forward. None of them were armed. He needed to give them a head start.

Nico couldn't see anything, but he could feel invisible ropes and knives swirl around him, trying to trip him or cut him up. He swung the sword, but it didn't do anything. The whatever-it-was was getting closer and closer, and Nico took off running down the hallway again. He felt legs knocked out from under him and went sprawling across the floor. His sword somehow sunk into the floor halfway up to the hilt.

Nico gasped in pain and tried to pull himself up with the sword, but it just kept sinking into the floor.

"Need some help?" a voice asked above him. Nico looked up to see Will. He also was armed, but his sword was a normal metal.

"Go help them!" Nico yelled, gesturing to the hallway where the teenagers had gone down. "You have to get them out of here."

Will shook his head and bent down pulling Nico to his feet. His legs buckled under him and he would have fallen, but Will caught him, slinging one of Nico's arms around his shoulders. Will started moving down the corridor, and Nico wondered why the ominous force wasn't bothering him any.

Nico closed his eyes, and when he opened them, he and Will had made it out of the school and were sitting on an extremely large wooden bench. In front of them was a picnic table filled with food. Around them were lots of other tables. The students from before were all sitting around them. Music was playing from somewhere and w arm summer breeze snakes around the tables. Nico was reminded of a renaissance fair.

People kept coming up to Nico and thanking him. At first he didn't know why, but then he realized it was for saving them from the futuristic school. Everyone was happy. They were actually thanking him. They didn't think he was some kind of outcast. Looking at their faces, Nico was pretty sure they'd never thought that. They all were treating him like some medieval war hero or something.

Nico glanced at Will and he smiled a lopsided smile back. He had pieces of hay stuck in his hair. He looked so happy, so at ease as the table.

Nico distinctly decided one line in his head: "Oh, what the hell."

Nico reached out a hand and took hold of the back of Will's head, tilting his face downwards, and, before he could say or do anything gently pressed his lips to his. The kiss was short, but Nico felt it warm him entirely. He pulled away, and looked at his. He could feel his face getting red.

Before Will could respond in anyway, Nico woke from his dream.

He bolted straight up bed, unsure for a second which was reality. His eyes swiveled around in the darkness before determining that this was, indeed, reality.

Nico pulled his knees up, still under the blankets, and rested his face in them, his hand over his neck. It was simultaneously a relief and a disappointment. Nico was extremely glad that the dream hadn't actually happened, and even gladder he wouldn't have to deal with the consequences, but, in a way, he wished he was that brave. He wished he didn't always hide any feeling he had. He really wished that he could be spontaneous like his dream self, but that just wasn't how Nico worked. He hated himself for it.

But beyond that, Nico had to face a much larger issue: Will. Nico decided that he couldn't really hide behind the "definitely only friends" shield anymore. He didn't have a lot of friends, but he was pretty sure that most friends did not have dreams where they kissed their friends. If his dreams were his subconscious, then they were trying to send him a message. Well, he got it loud and clear, brain. Thanks a lot, stupid emotions, Nico thought. Now he had a new person to crush on.

On one hand, it made Nico really happy. Not only did it assure him he was indeed a real person with real emotions, it was something to look forward to every day. Nico knew that however upset at the time he was, there was someone who could always him feel better. There was someone who he really enjoyed spending time with, someone who he felt he could never get bored of. And having a crush just felt good (mostly from all the chemicals his brain was releasing, but Nico decided not to focus on that). It was exciting, and nerve-wracking, and made him really happy. Just spending time with Will made him feel happy. His mental state had gotten much better. Nico didn't self-harm nearly as much anymore, and he certainty didn't cry himself to sleep anymore. Not because he didn't still feel terrible a lot of the time, but he also had this this thing called a phone. And rather than hurting himself when he was upset, Nico would actually start talking to Will. Will would ramble on for a time and Nico would feel much better. Nico never told Will he was acting as a distraction, and Will never asked. Nico was eternally grateful.

But on the other hand, it also made Nico feel like the worst person in the world. Mostly because, just like Nico's self-harm, Will hadn't signed up for this other. This would just be another problem Nico would put on him. Nico couldn't very well tell him, because then Will, a: very likely didn't feel the same way, and b: then would have to tell that to his friend, who he knew was already dealing with such low self-esteem and self-worth he regularly took a knife to himself. Nico heard stories about people threatening to kill themselves if their partner left them. He was not going to let that be him. He'd never bring it up, but at the same time, he wasn't going to pretend like it wouldn't be on his mind at the time. Nico already felt terrible about dragging Will into his life as a friend. There was no possible way he could ask anymore of him. But, by not telling him, Nico felt, if that was possible, even worse. He felt like he, at least, owed Will that. He felt like he was taking advantage of Will's kindness.

Nico thought that he might have been able to just bottle his feelings if Will had been 100% confirmed straight. Then at least there was some kind of reality to the situation. The fact that, one day, they could wind up together, filled Nico's mind with all sorts of possible "What ifs?" which made things all the more difficult.

Nico's thoughts swirled around his head, looping endlessly. He was unable to come to a conclusion, unable to think about anything else, because honestly, what else interesting going on in his life? He was failing Horticulture? Well, yes, but it was significantly less interesting than this.

Unable to come up with any answers himself, Nico decided to consult a neutral third party, and who better than someone who didn't go to his school?

Nico: Hey. You up?

It only took a minute for a response.

Thalia: Heyy! It's been so long! :)

Thalia: Boy, whachu doing up? It's 3 in the morning

Nico: I can't sleep. I need some advice. You busy?

Thalia: Nah. band practice is over.

Nico: I think I might like someone.

Thalia: OMG! Who? I can't believe it! Nico has emotions! I'm so proud of u ^-^ Do u have a picture of her? Don't mind me while I hyperventilate over here

Nico smiled to himself as he imagined Thalia in all her punk clothes and dyed, spikey hair outright fangirling over the mere prospect of him liking someone. He laughed to himself and chalked up the overzealous response to lack of sleep and/or alcohol.

Nico: Jeez, calm down. His name is Will, and no, I actually don't yet.

Nico realized his mistake a second after hitting send.

Thalia: Did u just seriously come out over txt?

Nico: Sorry. I forgot you didn't know.

Thalia: lol XD

Nico: So you don't mind?

Thalia: As long as ur happy, I don't care if ur gay, or straight, or like poptarts for that matter.

Nico: Thanks…

Thalia: So, you need to figure out if he's gay or at least bi?

Nico: Not exactly. I already know he's bi. I need to figure out how to stop liking him.

Thalia: Huh? I don't follow. If he's bi then just ask him out.

Nico: Um, I can't.

Thalia: Ur too shy?

Nico: No, it not that. It's just we're already friends and I don't want to scare him away or something. I keep thinking maybe I'm liking him for the wrong reasons.

Thalia: Oh. :P

Thalia: Well, u could try it. That's what I'd do.

Nico: I can't.

Thalia: So let me get this straight: u wanna be friends with him, but don't want to date him, even though u already said you like him?

Nico: Yeah, pretty much.

Thalia: Idk Nico. I'm srry. I really am. I guess u could try ignoring if for a while and if it goes away, then no harm done. BUT! If months go by and you still like him u have to ask him out.

Nico knew Thalia was getting frustrated at his point, and for good reason. He knew he was putting her in an impossible situation.

Nico: Ok.

Thalia: And actually do it. I swear if u don't sort this out by summer I'm gonna fix it for u.

Nico: You wouldn't dare.

Thalia: Oh yes I would because I want you to be happy! ;D

Nico: Thanks.

Thalia: Don't get bent out of shape. It's just high school. Now do u need anything else? cuz I'm literally dying rn

Nico: Technically, we're all dying. But no, I'm good. Thanks.

Thalia: Np

Nico put his phone back down, watching the blue glow until it shut off. He closed his eyes, half wishing he could go back to the dream.


	8. Forest Shadows

The next morning Nico was preparing to go to his and Will's definitely-not-a-date-we're-just-friends trip to the movie theater. Nico looked at himself in the mirror, self-consciously wondering if he looked ok, but then realized that Will hardly ever saw him out of gym clothes, so trying to look nice probably didn't matter at this point; Will already knew what he looked like.

His dad was gone and Hazel was nowhere to be found, so Nico hung around in the living room, absently petting Mrs. O'Leary. She took it as an opportunity to slobber all over his knee.

"Are you excited for the Deadpool movie?" he asked her.

Mrs. O'Leary looked up at Nico and smiled her doggie smile. She didn't really care what you said to her as long as you petted her.

Nico smiled and scratched her ears. "Yeah, me too."

Nico's phone buzzed.

Will: I'm coming be there in 5

Nico: Ok.

And true to word to his word, Will showed up in an incredibly huge, blue minivan. It was so large and seemed even bigger with only Will inside Nico had to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Will asked huffily as Nico climbed up to sit next to him in the front passenger seat.

"I literally had to pull myself up into your car," Nico answered. In his experience, he was the only one ever to use the word "literally" in the correct sense, but he didn't point out when people used it incorrectly. That was just annoying.

"I told you it wasn't my car," Will said. "My car is totaled. This is the only other car I can drive. I can't drive my mom's work car."

"I know," Nico said. "It's just funny. What's your mom do by the way?"

"She's a performer," Will answered. "She mostly sings and plays the piano."

"You from a musical family then?"

Will nodded. "You could say that. My dad plays the drums and harp and my mom plays the piano and sings. I think they'd kill me if I wasn't in band."

Nico nodded.

"So, what do you want to listen to?" Will asked as soon as he'd backed out of the driveway.

Nico shrugged. He wasn't picky about his music tastes.

"I don't care."

"Ok," Will said. He scrolled though his phone for a second before setting it down. And that was when Nico learned two very important things about Will's tastes in music: one, Will was the kind of person who liked to blast his music so loud you couldn't talk over it, and two, Will's preferred genre was Movie Soundtracks/Orchestral music. It was the strangest combination Nico could think of, because when was the last time you heard a car blasting " _The Planets_ "? Still, Nico appreciated the interesting choice and Will hummed along with the _How to Train Your Dragon_ opening theme all the way to the theater.

"Ok," Nico whispered nervously as he fiddled with Ethan's school ID.

"Oh, relax," Will said as they waited in line. "Please adjust your body language to be less suspicious, will you? At least take your hands out of your pockets."

Nico nodded, knowing that trick. Exposed hands were more likely to create less suspicion, due to the fact that subconsciously, people recognized that you weren't armed or trying to conceal anything and overall trusted the person more because of it.

The line moved slowly, but eventually the two made it to the front to the line.

"Two to Deadpool, please," Will said to the girl at the counter.

"Can I see your IDs?" she asked.

"Whoa, whoa. You can't pay for me. I can buy my own ticket," Nico protested at the same time.

"You can pay be back later," Will said showing the girl his ID.

Feeling very much out of his depth, Nico held up Ethan's ID. He hoped it wasn't upside-down.

"Alright," the girl nodded and gave them their two tickets.

"Thanks," Nico muttered as he took his ticket.

He followed Will who had apparently decided to stop at the concession stand.

"You want anything?" Will asked.

Nico shook his head.

"Do you ever eat?" Will complained.

Nico shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to add eating disorder to Will's list of "Things Wrong With Nico".

"I'm just not hungry," he answered.

Will shrugged. "Your loss."

The theater was half full by the time Nico and Will finally found seats and by that time, Nico was a jittering mass of energy. He doubted he'd ever looked this physically engaged in anything before to Will, but in fairness Will had only seen him in school up until this point. School was school; how could Nico look anything but apathetic there?

Will, ever concerned with the welfare of his dragons, pulled out his phone to check on them. Nico let him mess around before a few minutes before saying:

"It's starting now."

And as the lights dimmed, Will shut off his phone, so that his face, along with everybody else was shrouded in darkness.

* * *

"Best movie ever!" Nico exclaimed two hours later as the two of them left the theater.

"Ok, Deadpool may be my favorite comic book character now," Will admitted.

"Ok, but seriously, it wasn't canon, but it awesome," Nico answered. "Like when he just straight up shot Francis. And Colossus was upset and he was just like "You were droning on.". That's actually so in character."

They two continued discussing the movie as they walked out to the parking lot.

"What time is it?" Nico asked suddenly.

"Um, about four thirty," Will answered after checking. "Why?"

Nico shrugged. "No reason." It was because his dad wasn't going to be home yet. Nico didn't want to go home to an empty house.

"We still have some time," Will said. "What time does you dad expect you home?"

"I doubt he'll even be home before seven," Nico said. He tried not to sound bitter, because he knew his dad wasn't purposely trying to ignore or neglect him. He was busy, and he worked hard at his job, but at times, Nico couldn't help but feel like his dad's job took precedence over him and his sister.

"I don't know, do you want to hang out here then?" Will asked. "There's a pottery place just over there."

He pointed to a small building with a sign that read "Color My Mind".

"What do you do there?" Nico asked. "Buy pottery?"

Will shook his head. "You get to paint it. Come on, I'll show you. It's really cool."

And so the two of them wound up spending the next hour painting. Nico found a gravestone in the Halloween section that read: RIP Ima Gonner. Under it read: I told you I was sick.

"Seriously, man?" Will asked. "We just had Halloween."

It was true, if Nico wanted to be up to date with his holidays, he should have chosen one of the heart shaped plates that seemed to be ever popular in the store today. Valentine's Day was two days away. However, Nico wasn't going to be caught paining some, pink, flowery, heart.

"I like it," Nico protested. "Besides, you're painting a coffee mug."

Will shrugged. "I drink coffee, so it's useful. What are you going to do with a grave stone?"

Nico smiled. "It'll match my room more than you think. Besides, Halloween's my favorite holiday. I used to check out Halloween books from the library during summer when I was little."

Will laughed. "Of course you did. You were macabre from an early age."

"Don't act like Halloween isn't your favorite holiday too," Nico answered as he stated painting the spectral crow perched on top of his grave stone a dark blue.

"How can it not be?" Will asked. "You just walk around and get candy all night."

Nico nodded.

"It's funny that everybody blows Christmas out of proportion," he said. "I'd take a month of Halloween. Can you imagine how terrified everybody would be by the end of it?"

Will shook his head. "Only you, only you'd want a month of terrorizing everyone around you."

Nico smiled and realized just how easy it was to still talk to Will. Nico had read all these stories where as soon as the person sees the person they have a crush on, they become impossible of coherent speech and look like a total moron. Nico found talking to Will just as easy as it always had been. Maybe it was because they were already friends, and Nico already had a good idea of who Will was, he didn't feel any pressure to act differently. Honestly, the conversation went pretty much the same as when they had been just friends. Maybe it was because only one of them knew about the crush on the other one.

Still, by the time their pottery was finished, Nico had reassured himself that just ignoring his feelings was going to be a lot easier than he had originally anticipated. After all, he had lots of practice.

"Nico," Will called.

Nico turned from where he was about to head back to the car.

"What?"

"There's a pet store."

"You want to look at the puppies, don't you?"

Will nodded.

Nico rolled his eyes, but he couldn't help it as a smile crept over his face. He followed Will down the street with his hands in his pockets (because he was going to be shady, damn it!).

Nico was sure as soon as he entered the store, that Mrs. O'Leary would love here. The walls were lined with dog toys and treats. Bedding and cages were stacked against the other wall. And behind the glass, on the last wall were-

"Puppies!" Will squealed delightedly going up to the cages and pressing his hand to the glass.

"I thought you liked snakes," Nico said casually leaning on the wall next to him.

"I do," Will said as the puppy put it's paw up to his hand. Had there been no glass, they would have high-fived. "But I love puppies too."

Nico had to admit the puppies were pretty cute, but he found their situation rather sad. Although clean, the cages were not nearly as big as Nico would have liked. The wire flooring must hurt their feet after a while. Most of the puppies were lying on blankets that made up a bed. Nico knew where they probably came from. He knew where the ones that weren't adopted would go. He knew what would happen to them there. A few years ago, Nico had watched a documentary on Pounds. He'd forgotten most of the information, but there was one scene that stuck with him. It had been shot in a garage. There was a door on one side of the room, but it had been blocked with dozens and dozens of black, plastic bags. Nico didn't need the explanation to know what was in each one of them. Nico had never been able to look at animal shelters the same way again.

Will was still talking to the puppies, about what Nico didn't know.

"I really want a dog," Will rambled on to Nico. "I'd get one, but you know, my parents would kill me and shit."

Nico nodded. "You should come over some time. We have a dog."

"Yes!" Will agreed.

After a few more minutes, they left the store and were on their way back to the car when Will decide he was, again, hungry. Nico pretended to be slightly annoyed, but he was actually happy. He liked spending time with Will.

Will found an ice cream shop a few blocks away.

"Do you want anything?" he asked.

Nico shook his head.

"Oh, come on, man. You can't just sit there while I eat."

"Fine," Nico decided, exasperated. He looked at a spot about 12 inches to the left of Will's shoulder. "I'll get something." Despite the wind chill, Nico felt his face getting hot.

As Nico sat inside the shop, eating his lemon flavored ice cream, he glanced out the window and saw snowflakes begin to fall. He wondered if Will ate hot food in summer too. Nico listen as Will went on and on about his life until the conversation somehow morphed into a discussion on roller coasters.

"I mean, yeah, I like them, but some have too many loops," Will said. "Then it just gets overdone."

"So, you like tastefully done loops," Nico concluded.

Will nodded. "Yeah, like I'll get sick if that's all they do."

"Yeah, I still maintain that I like all rollercoasters."

"We should go to an amusement park some time," Will said. "All my friends hate them."

"All? Seriously?" Nico asked. He found that hard to believe. He and Hazel both had no problem with them.

Will nodded. "Yeah, because I go with them and they're all like "Nah, I don't want to do anything." And I'm like "What the fuck did you buy a ticket for? The teacups?"."

"Hey, don't dis the teacups."

Will snorted.

"My family used to go to amusement parks every summer. I was kind of our thing."

"What happened?" Nico asked.

Will shrugged. "Family issues. You don't want to hear about it. But it kind of sucks, because I never get to see my mom's grandparents anymore. I mean, I kind of do, but it's like once a year at most."

"Do you miss them?" Nico asked. He wasn't close with any of his grandparents or cousins or anything. After his mom had died, his dad had pretty much cut ties with her family. The most he ever saw of them was a Christmas card. His dad didn't get on well with most of his sibling, so he rarely visited. Nico knew he had a lot of cousins, but he didn't know their names.

"I miss my grandma," Will said. "She's this little, old, conservative, lady, but she's the sweetest ever. I think she'd really like you."

Nico's eyebrows creased. "Why?" he asked. He couldn't see himself appealing to any conservative.

Will shrugged. "Because you're so polite and quiet and shit. I mean, you even talk old fashioned."

"I do not!" Nico protested.

"You type out all the words when you text," Will said. "And you never swear. You're, like, everything she wants me to be."

Nico shrugged. "I'm glad your grandma would approve of me. After all, the approval of one's grandparents is what I strive for in all my friendships."

Will laughed.

"Not everything in life is sarcastic," he said.

"I don't follow."

"Nico!"

"Alright, alright."

"So, how about you?" Will asked.

"My family life?" Nico asked. "It's boring. I live with my dad and my sister. Have you met her? She's a freshman this year. Her name's Hazel Leveque."

Will shook his head. "I don't think so. But she has a different last name?"

"She's adopted."

"Oh, that's cool. I guess she doesn't look like you then."

Nico shook his head, thinking about Hazel's curly hair, large gold eyes, and dark skin. The only think they shared physically was a very light set of freckles.

"I want a sibling," Will said. "It's seriously not fair you get a sister _and_ a dog."

Nico snorted.

"You don't want my life," he said.

"Yeah, that's true," Will nodded. "I've already lived it. I don't want to repeat history. Now if I had a time turner…"

"Ooh, did you know the new movie comes out in November?"

" _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_? We should go."

Nico smiled.

"We should."

Nico phrased it in a way that didn't actually commit himself to saying they would. He knew that, very likely, Will would have forgotten about it by then. Nico didn't like promising thing, even to himself. This way, he wouldn't be disappointed if it never happened. Nico had been using this method of subconsciously avoiding outright lies and truth for years now. He didn't even realize he was doing it most of the time.

"Hey, do you want to come back to my house after this?" Will asked. "No one's home right now. Except Broseidon," he added.

Nico shook his head. "My dad's going to be home soon. I don't want to get back after him."

Will nodded. "Alright. Some other time then."

"Ok," Nico agreed.

Nico looked down at the cup of half melted ice cream. He wasn't going to finish it anytime soon. Besides, he and Will had been in the ice cream shop for over half an hour already, and Nico was starting to feel as if he'd overstayed his welcome. There was also a group of teenage girls who had entered the shop a while ago and now seemed to be intently whispering to themselves while stealing looks at him. It made Nico feel extremely uncomfortable, but he very well couldn't just go up to a group of kids minding their own business and tell them to knock it off. The problem was in his own head.

Will apparently hadn't noticed anything, or if he did, he hadn't shown it.

"So…" Will said. "Shall we go?"

Nico realize he'd been spacing out.

"Oh, yeah," he said.

"Thanks for taking me," Nico said as Will pulled back into his driveway.

"I-Thanks for coming."

"See you Monday?"

"Yep. See you then."

Nico walked up the steps to his house, and for the first time in a long time, he wasn't happy to be back home.


	9. Unseen Eyes Unseen Fear

Nico went to his room, unable to find anyone in the house. Why was his house always so empty? He spied his backpack in the corner of his room. He walked over to it and opened it, a vague sense of needing to do his homework nagging at his mind.

He flipped through his notebooks for a while, unable to actually begin anything. It was like his brain was barring him from completing anything. Nico stared at the horticulture textbook. It sat cold and heavy on his lap. He knew he needed to complete chapters 31 and 32 for Mr. Brunner. He knew his teacher would be disappointed in him if he didn't turn them in. He knew that his grade in horticulture was terrible. He knew if he kept not turning in his work he wasn't going to pass. He knew he needed to be doing this. He knew he should be working, but Nico couldn't and he hated himself for it. It was like watching his life fall apart in front of his eyes. He could see everything going wrong, but as if he was in a dream, he could do nothing to stop it.

Frustrated, Nico snapped the book shut. He walked over to his bookcase and put the book down. He went back to his work and shoved it back into his backpack. He'd have to finish it another day. Maybe tomorrow.

Nico lied down on his bed, still fully clothed, shoes on. It was too much work to change clothes. He was just so tired. He almost felt physically ill. He didn't remember falling asleep, but when he woke, it was 4 in the morning.

* * *

A day and a half later, Nico's homework still wasn't done.

He thought that Mr. Brunner must expect it at this point, because he didn't even comment when Nico didn't turn the notes in. Nico couldn't tell if it made him feel better or worse. It was disheartening that the only teacher that had seemed to care now regarded him as a lost cause. His mood didn't improve in the rest of his classes. He spent the majority of his lunch period skimming his homework trying to see what he could get done, but since he hadn't paid attention in the lessons from three days ago, it was nearly impossible. Finally, Nico gave up and spent the rest of the period reading _The Psychology of Anger_ , but his mind wasn't in it. His mind wasn't anywhere.

Nico was done with the day by the time he got to seventh period, and we was sure Will could sense it. There had been another sign saying not to dress for gym class today as well, but Nico had barely noticed it as he walked in.

"Hey," he said sitting down next to Nico. "How are you?"

"Fine," Nico responded not taking his chin off of his knees.

"Cool," Will said. "That's cool."

They sat in silence for a minute.

"So…"Will broke the silence. "How was your day?"

"Ok."

Will scowled. "I'm not going to be able keep up this conversation if you keep replying with one word."

Nico sighed and lifted his head from his chin shaking it, trying to clear his head. He felt his hair whip around his face. It was getting long. He was going to have to cut it again soon.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. What were we talking about?"

Will looked at him and Nico started feeling uncomfortable staring into those blue eyes. He wanted to look away, but he felt like he'd break something if he did.

"Smile," Will finally said.

"What?"

"Smile."

Nico broke the connection and looked away. He wrapped his arms tighter around himself.

"I don't do that," he said.

"Oh, come on. You do it all the time," Will said reaching out his hand poking Nico slightly in cheek.

Nico purposely continued to scowl and swatted Will's hand away.

"Knock it off."

"Jeez." Will grumbled.

Nico rubbed his face where Will had poked it, but when he took his hand away, he could still feel the indent. Nico actually really liked it when Will touched him. He was warm, reassuring, calming even, but Nico was scared. He disliked physical contact from everyone, including Hazel. He'd thought that was just how he was. Some people have a really big bubble, and Nico had always assumed that he was one of them. It bothered him that as soon as Will's hand left him, he found himself wishing it was still there. It was just so unlike everything he'd thought himself to be. It bothered him more than anything Will could do to pester him. He was angry, but didn't have a reason for it. Much like bottling his inner emotions, Nico tried to minimize any contact with Will.

"I guess this is a bad time to tell you I won't be here two Fridays from now?" Will said as it became apparent that Nico wasn't going to say anything.

Nico immediately turned to face him.

"Why?"

"I'm, uh, going to be going on an antidrug/body positivity retreat."

Nico raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I was unaware you were a girl. Consider the wedding off."

Will tilted his head to the side in confusion. "Huh?"

"Nevermind."

"What's your problem, man?," Will protested seemingly only have grasped that part of the insult. "Lots of other guys are coming too."

"Sure…"

"You should come too," Will said preceding to ignore Nico's last comment.

"I don't do drugs," Nico said flatly.

"It's more than that," Will corrected without a hint of sarcasm in his voice. Seriously, it was creepy. "It deals with a lot of self-esteem issues and other shit like that too. It could seriously help you."

"I don't need help," Nico scoffed, but he doubted Will believed him. The look he gave Nico said _"I seriously doubt it."_

"At least think about it," Will said. "You can probably still sign up for it."

Nico shook his head. "Sorry, but I'm not going to go talk to a bunch of strangers."

"Oh, come on. It's really fun. I've been going since my sophomore year."

Nico sighed and leaned back against the wall. He didn't have the energy to argue with Will, but he knew there was no way in hell he was going to go along on this weekend retreat thing.

"Oh, Nico. What am I going to do with you," Will remarked.

"You could just leave me," Nico offered. He was only half joking.

"No."

"Then you bring this on yourself."

Nico realized how easy it was to deflect any comments Will made with immediate sarcasm. It really bothered him because he didn't want to just brush off any concern Will had for him. It was an automatic response to people trying to pry at him for information. Nico wished he could talk to Will and say what he really meant, but it was so hard to open up. Nico had put up so many barriers he wasn't sure if he could take them all down. It saddened him to know he kept his emotions so tied up in himself in himself he'd never be able to fully let them go.

"Seriously?" Will asked. "Are you mad at me or something?"

Nico shook his head. "No."

"Really?"

"I'm just having a bad day today."

"Why? What happened?"

"Nothing!" Nico spat. He was angry and he wasn't sure why. "I'm not feeling well." He added in a much more subdued voice.

"I take it this isn't physical?"

Nico shook his head. "Is it ever?"

Will frowned and studied Nico's face.

"Are you stressed because of the test today?" he finally asked.

Nico blinked. "There's a test today? On what?"

He noticed Will suppress a small smile as he shook head.

"How the fuck do you keep passing your classes?" he asked, a tint of wonder lacing his words. "Do you ever know when there's a test?"

Nico shrugged.

"Here come's Hedge now," Will said pointing to the short man who was, indeed caring a stack of papers.

"Hmm. Well…" Nico mused.

"It's ok," said Will as he stood up and extended his hand down to Nico, pulling him to his feet and in that moment, Nico was painfully aware of how short he was, and of how easily he could be lifted from the ground. He looked up, into Will's eyes, but it felt intrusive, so he dropped his eyes. Will, if he noticed, didn't say anything about it. Instead he said "It's just on what we done so far. You'll do fine."

Oh, he was talking about the test.

Nico was relieved when he say the first question and realized he knew the answer. It was rather easy when he was practicing the answers every day. He finished the test relatively quickly, turned it in, and went to sit against the wall while he waited for the rest of the class to finish. As he waited, Nico fiddled with a rip in his jeans.

He half absently half focused his attention on Will who was still working.

His mind turned, as it often did, to his own patheticness. He wasn't sure why, but whenever he was alone in his mind, the dark thoughts took over, whispering in his ears, telling how stupid he really was. Nico forgot he was in gym class. He forgot that he had an image to keep up, and let his face reflect his emotions. He didn't know why now, of all places, this was hitting him. Usually, theses really depressive moods only hit him when he was at home, or when triggered by something, a bad test score for instance. But this? There was no cause. Was there?

It didn't matter. Who the hell cared why? What was import was that it was happening to him? What was important was that it was. It felt terrible. Nico was fully aware that he should have no reason to be feeling sad and I made him angry with himself. What was wrong with him? Everyone else was able to function normally. Why not him? None of them experienced waves of sadness like this. None of their judgement was impaired like this. Why was his? Why was he the one defective model?

"Nico," he heard Will's voice say above him. He looked up to see his curly, blonde head, a worried expression on his face.

"What?" Nico whispered, jolted back to reality, and aware other people were still taking the test.

Will sat down next to him and took hold of his left hand. Only then did Nico realize that he had been digging his nails into his skin though the rip in his jeans. A he watched, little, red line appeared in his skin. They were tiny, very shallow, but they were surrounded by a purple ring of bruised skin.

Nico closed his eyes and exhaled, disappointed with himself.

"You can let go now," he whispered to Will who was still holding his hand in his.

"Uh, no. It's ok," Will said, not only not letting go of Nico's hand, but interlocking his fingers with his.

Nico felt something snap within him, but he stubbornly refused to admit it. He tried to push the myriad emotions away, only succeeding partly.

"I don't need your help," he managed in a tight voice.

"Hmm," Will hummed looking forward. "Ok."

"I don't."

"I said "ok"."

Will still didn't let go. Nico couldn't tell if he was angrier with himself for getting himself into this mess in the first place, or the fact that he was doing nothing to get out of it. He could very easily just get up and walk away. His eyes suddenly felt very wet and he angrily rubbed at them with his other hand.

"People are going to make fun of us now, you know that, right?" Nico said after a few minutes of silence.

Will shrugged. "Who? Jason?"

Nico shook his head. He couldn't imagine Jason caring.

"Piper?"

"No."

"Then I don't care," Will concluded. "Besides, not everyone is as hypersensitive as you. Well, speak of the devil. Hey Jason."

Nico looked up to find the bespectacled boy in question standing in front of them.

"Hey, guys," he said sitting down on the other side of Will. "Do you have Blofis?"

Will shook his head.

Jason groaned. "He keep scheduling all his tests the day before my games. I swear he's doing it on purpose."

Will laughed. "I imagine they have meetings like that. Hmm," he mimicked a much deeper voice. "What will cause students the most pain? I know let's all have all of our tests on the same day!"

Jason groaned.

"You could always do what Nico does and forget about tests until they're actually happening," Will offered.

Jason laughed. "I think that's what Leo does."

" _Where_ is Leo?" Will asked. "I never see him around."

"He has a new girlfriend," Jason answered. "He's hanging out with her a lot."

Will shook his head sadly. "He shouldn't forget about us like that. We're gonna have to invite him over sometime just to make sure he hasn't died."

Nico, who had never met this Leo guy before, quickly lost interest in the conversation, but Will and Jason kept chatting on and, in a few minutes, they were joined by Piper. She glanced at Nico as she sat down, but didn't comment on anything.

Nico sat and listened to the others talk, not saying anything. He was desperately trying to keep his emotions in check and it was taking up most of his mental energy. He kept telling himself he was stronger than this. He could overcome it. He could. He had to do better. Be stronger. He focused his eyes on Will's hand, and felt ashamed that he couldn't make it through a day by himself, that when he wanted to talk he couldn't and that he broke down at inconvenient times.

"…ok not be ok…"

Nico's ears picked up. Will was looking at him.

He felt his throat let out a small whimper and he buried his face Will's shoulder. He felt Will's arm wrap around him and rest around his shoulders. He felt his body shift so that Will could hold him easier. Nico couldn't believe what he was doing. He was in front of three people. No, it was ok. It was ok just this one time, he told himself. It was just Jason and Piper, and of course Will.

Just for a few minutes, Nico let himself be "not ok". He let himself be comforted and held by people he barely knew. And when the class ended, he found himself feeling so much calmer.

"Sorry," he muttered into Will's chest.

"It's ok."

"Thank you."

"Hey, what are friends for?"

Nico felt himself deflate a little.

"Yeah…"


	10. My Refection

A few hours later, Nico found himself slogging through the snow in an effort to get to the library. The wind blew into his face, pushing him backwards and the cold cut though his clothes like paper. His backpack felt impossibly heavy and dug into his shoulders. He could see the library in the distance, but it was still so far away.

Snowflakes fell through the air dusting his head in white fluff that melted and froze into ice. Nico hated the cold, but he couldn't help but admire how beautiful it made everything look. Winter was his favorite season to look at with the frost and icicles decorating every building. As he crossed an empty field, Nico had an overwhelming urge to simply lie down and watch the sky, to watch the snowflakes fade from black to white as they fell down hitting him softly in the face. Nico rejected the idea almost as soon as he'd thought of it. It was too cold. He continued on until he got to the public library.

He found a table and shed his winter coat. He pulled his homework out of his backpack and looked though the algebra and horticulture. He had no idea what to do with it and so spent the next few minutes folding it into origami flowers. Nico looked though his backpack before pulling a few more sheets of paper out of his notebook and folding them into a band shape. He then taped the homework flowers onto the band, creating a kind of flower crown.

Unsure what to do with his creation, Nico left it in the kids' section in the hopes someone would find it and enjoy it. He spent the next the few hours reading about the zombie apocalypse. It was torture on his dyslexic eyes, but it was interesting. Nico didn't really believe in anything supernatural, but the idea of the dead coming to life intrigued him in a way he couldn't describe. He wondered, as he often did, if the apocalypse were to happen right now, if it was possible for him to survive. He wondered what he'd do. Would he go find Hazel? Could he even afford the risk? He'd been over the situation a million times in his head, but today a new question popped into his head. What would he do with Will?

Nico groaned and shut the book he hadn't really been reading anymore. " _Why, brain? Why?"_ He asked himself. Why did his mind always come back to Will? Will seemed like a magnetic force he kept getting drawn to. Nico couldn't stop him from entering all his free time. He should tell him. No. No, he couldn't. Nico knew logically he was unstable. He feared if he did get up enough courage to tell him how he felt about him, Will would feel pressured in to a relationship he wouldn't want. Nico didn't want to do that to his friend. He stood up and put the book away, no longer interested in the coming apocalypse.

He looked out the window and realized how dark it had gotten. Nico picked up his backpack and coat and set of for home. The snow sparkled in the lamplight and crunched under his boots that had only just dried, but Nico wasn't thinking about it. His mind was still stuck back in the library, back in the book on the apocalypse.

Nico imagined the apocalypse. He heard the screams ring out in the dark night as a single person was taken over by a horde of the dead. He wanted to stop and help them, but Nico knew they were already gone. He had to keep moving.

He wandered from street to street, not looking for anything in particular, knowing to keep silent. He rounded the corner and saw a zombie shambling down the street in the other direction. Curious, he followed it, wondering what could have caught its interest. In his pocket, his fingers curled around a knife he'd managed to find a few weeks ago.

In the streetlights Nico saw what the zombie had been heading towards. There was a figure on the ground, staining the snow red. He didn't notice the zombie coming towards him, maybe he wasn't even conscious. Nico wanted to yell, but he knew that would only attract more.

He ran forwards as quietly as he could, and plunged the knife into the zombies head from behind. It crumpled to the ground. Only then did the person on the ground manage to move his face to stare at Nico. His face was smeared with blood, and Nico wasn't sure how much of it was his. His face was much older looking, devoid of any of its usual happiness, and twisted in pain, but it was still easily recognizable.

"Will," he breathed kneeling down next to the injured teenager.

Will looked terrible. He had a gaping wound in his stomach and one of his legs was bent at an odd angle. His clothes were soaked though with the snow and blood. The snow under him was stained red.

"What happened," Nico asked, trying to move Will's head onto his lap, but Will gasped at the contact and Nico let his head rest on the snow.

Will tried to speak, but could only manage an odd gasping sound. He coughed and his lips came away red.

Nico looked around frantically. There was no one around. Nothing useful. He tore through his backpack. He has some rubbing alcohol and rags he could use as bandages, but nothing he could use to complete a surgery. And besides, Nico had no medical training.

"I'll find you help," Nico said. "Just…just stay there."

He moved to get up, but a hand on his stopped him.

Nico looked down at Will. It must have taken him great effort to move at all.

"What is it?" Nico asked.

More gasping.

"Do you…do you want me to stay?"

Will nodded, ever so slightly.

A frown crossed Nico's face.

"Ok."

So that's what he did. He lied down in the snow next to Will, facing him, and took hold of his hand, watching his face. Eventually, Will's eyes closed, his hand grew cold, and Nico knew he was gone.

Only then did Nico sit up and allow a few tears to escape his eyes. He sat up and shook the snow out of his hair. He'd have to move Will somewhere else. He couldn't stay out here like this. Nico wondered how he managed to get out here in the first place. He looked around for a place he could leave Will. Maybe if he could find a shovel, he could bury him.

Nico about walked into his front door.

"Damn it," he muttered as he swerved to narrowly avoid hitting his own front door. He'd been so lost in thought, he hadn't realized his route home. His legs had unconsciously carried him home. Nico turned to look at the sidewalk behind him. No blood, no zombies, no apocalypse, no dying friends.

Nico cursed his active imagination and opened his door.

His dad must still not be back yet. His coat and boots were nowhere to be found. Hazel was probably in her room. Nico kicked off his shoes and went to his own room.

It was only eight o clock, but Nico found himself both mentally and physically drained. He supposed a sensible thing to do would be to eat something. But the kitchen was all the way back downstairs…

Nico sat down on his bed, still fully clothed and took out his phone. He stared at his contact list. He wanted to talk to Will. After imagining him dying, Nico really wanted conformation he was still alive.

Nico: Hi. How are you?

Nico looked at the message, before shaking his head and deleting it. He put his phone down on his bedside table. Will was fine. He didn't need to be bothered. He felt terrible, but Nico told himself it was for the best. If he just stopped being weird, he wouldn't be in the situation in the first place.

Nico went to bed, not caring that he hadn't changed his clothes, brushed his teeth, or even turned the light off.

* * *

As Nico approached the library the next week, he was surprised to see a sign on the door. It read: _The Library will be closed though 3/6-3/13 for guest speakers. It will open again on 3/14._

"Fantastic," Nico muttered under his breath. Now what was he supposed to do for a whole week? Today was Wednesday. That meant this was Nico's last day in the library before it shut down. He supposed he could play Chris one of those days. But really. What the hell was he going to do with all of the other ones? Just sit in the lunch room and stare at the walls?

Nico sunk down into his place in the library. He was painfully aware a certain curly haired student and he shared the same lunch period. However, Will already had a table full of other people he sat with. And yes, he and Will might be friends, but that didn't mean Nico knew any of the other students. They wouldn't appreciate a creepy stranger hanging around them.

Nico picked up a book, and tried to read it, but The Encyclopedia of Dreams wasn't nearly as interesting as it had been yesterday.

When Nico got the gym class, Will was already there.

"You're early," Nico commented as he sat down.

Will nodded. "Ok, so I was thinking…" he trailed off, seemingly lost in thought at the moment.

"Don't hurt yourself."

Will frowned slightly before continuing.

"I had this idea for a story."

"Are there dragons in it?" Nico asked. Previously, Will had shown him some of his stories and they all seemed to revolve around the creatures.

"Sadly no," Will replied. "I made it up a while ago, but I don't know if it's any good."

"Ok. Run it by me."

"It's kinda of this personal story about a guy who lost his dad."

"Oh," Nico said. He wasn't sure if he liked where this was going.

"I'm thinking I might do it for my end of the year film project. I'd have to re-write it," Will said. "It's going to take a while to film, so I really should start thinking about it now."

"Finals aren't until May," Nico reminded him. "It's March."

Will shrugged. "I have to write the junior research paper. I don't have a lot of time. Anyways!" he cut himself off and smiled at Nico. "How are you?"

"Good."

There was a silence. Now would be the time to ask him, Nico thought. He opened his mouth, but shut it again. He couldn't do it.

"So, I leave this weekend," Will said. "Any chance you've changed your mind?"

"For the antidrug thing?"

"Yeah."

Nico shook his head. "Sorry, no."

"Next year," Will mumbled to himself. "Next year you'll say yes."

* * *

The next afternoon, Nico made his way from art class down to the lunchroom, a large piece of drywall in his hands. Now he understood Rachel's daily struggle. On the drywall was stapled a sheet of stretched a piece of 240 cold press Bristol water color paper and on that was a rough sketch of cupped hands. In them, a pomegranate tree stretched past an underground cavern, a wheat field, and finally a hill covered in flowers. His art teacher had shared Will's mentality and assigned the classes' final project in the beginning of March.

Nico found an empty table by one of the walls and put the piece on the table next to him. He dug a pencil out of his backpack and began idly sketching on his piece some more, not really drawing any more detail in particular. It was mostly just a distraction.

"What are you doing?"

Nico heard a familiar voice behind him. He turned to find Will standing a few paces behind him.

Nico shrugged. "Final project."

Will dropped into the seat next to him and studied the piece of drywall.

"What is it?"

"It's a pomegranate tree," Nico said slightly offended that Will couldn't see it. "See," he said tracing the lines he'd drawn with his index finger. "Here are the branches. And this is going to be where I put on leaves. That's the trunk-"

"What's that?" Will asked pointing to the cupped hands.

"Hands," Nico said. "They're going to hold the tree."

"Huh," Will said apparently pondering the piece. "Well it looks cool. I didn't know you could draw."

Nico shook his head. "I can't. I just take art classes."

"So, what are you doing here?" Will asked. "I never see you."

"The library's closed," Nico remarked flatly.

"Are you hungry?" Will asked, only seeming to notice that Nico's project was the only thing he'd brought with him.

"No."

"Lonely?"

"Not really."

That was a lie. Nico was constantly lonely.

"Well, if you want to come sit with us…" Will trailed off. "I feel bad watching you sit there alone."

"Thanks," Nico said. "But your friends don't know me. I'm fine here."

Will snorted.

"Bullshit. They don't care. Come on."

"Ok."

Will's friends turned out to be a tall, black boy named Austin and a freckled girl named Kayla who'd dyed the tips of her red hair green. It reminded Nico of Christmas and he was tempted to tell her the holiday had ended months ago.

They both seemed agreeable as Will introduced them and Kayla immediately pulled up her phone and showed whatever was on it to Austin who laughed. Will fell into conversation with the two of them, but it was so full of what must have been inside jokes, Nico could hardly keep up. As near as he could figure, they were all in band and were generally stressed for an upcoming performance.

"No," Will said shaking his head around animatedly. "If Cecil didn't go around getting himself locked in the storage closet, then I wouldn't be in trouble."

"He wasn't in there at the time!" Austin protested. "And even if he was! You can't just break off the lock."

"Fuck you, man. I'll do what I like," Will said laughing.

Austin shook his head.

"You're seriously taking this?" he asked Kayla.

"Nah," she said. "You could have come up with such a better excuse. Cecil would have found a way out."

Will scowled. "What else was I supposed to do?"

"Go home without your jacket."

"Find a teacher with a key?" Nico suggested.

"Stay out of it, you," Will said turning on him and shaking his finger disapprovingly. He turned back to Austin and Kayla. "Oh before I forget: Nico's not going to tell you anything, so he's a sophomore, we met in gym class, he doesn't talk much and most of it is sarcastic, he's freakishly strong, so send all jars to this guy. Also, I am only 50% sure he isn't engaged."

"What?" Nico asked, sitting bolt upright. He felt his face getting hot. "I'm not engaged! Why-"

"Calm down," Will said, putting his hand on Nico's shoulder. "It's just a joke. You wear that ring every day," he added.

"It's not an engagement ring."

"What is it then?"

"My sister gave it to me," Nico huffed.

"Hazel," Will said.

Nico shook his head. "No. My other sister. Her name was Bianca. She died. I don't want to talk about it."

Will's face fell.

"Nico, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"It's ok," Nico brushed Will's concern off. "I know you didn't. It was a long time ago."

He glanced at Austin and Kayla. Their smiles had both faded and they were looking down. The atmosphere at the table had dropped from cheerful to very subdued. Nico's fingernails dug into the palms of his hands. Beside him, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Will's hand twitch. Nico forced his hands open in an odd, jerky motion under that table.

Conversation resumed again, but it was subtly more formal that it had been a few minutes ago. At some point in the conversation, Will's hand found Nico's and he didn't protest. Will continued taking to Austin about Skyrim. Kayla shrugged and began scrolling through her phone again. Nico grinned and rested his head on his other arm, letting the conversation float over his head.


	11. Damning Determination

The next morning's light found Nico sitting hunched in the corner of his bed. His arms rested on his knees and the tangled sheets rested in his lap. His eyes itched, and the room blurred around the edges. He hadn't been able to sleep.

His alarm clock went off. Nico silenced it on the first ring and swung his legs over the bed. He'd barely gotten to his feet when the world spun under him and the next thing he knew he was lying on the ground. He looked at the clock. Almost ten minutes had passed.

Nico's eyes widened in surprise, and he staggered his way to the bathroom. While brushing his teeth, he threw up in the sink. He glared at the boy in the mirror. The boy looked back with hauntingly empty eyes. Nico clenched his hand into a fist. What was going on? This had never happened to him before. He studied his face. It looked the same as it had yesterday, if a little tired.

Nico didn't say anything to Rachel on the bus ride to school. He went to his first period class. Mr. Brunner was trying to give a presentation about common types of house plants, but Nico couldn't concentrate.

The day melted by, blurring all into one big moving picture.

Nico briefly recalled making it to the lunchroom and seeing Will, Austin, and Kayla at the table from yesterday. He remembered them looking concerned as he sat down. Someone said something to him, but it was like his mouth was glued together. Nico could feel him losing control again. The room went dark.

"Nico!"

Someone was shaking him.

"Nico!"

Nico heard the voice from far off and, with great effort, cracked his eyes open. Will, Austin, and Kayla's faces swam above him. He blinked, and they focused.

"Nico, are you ok?" Will asked.

Nico pushed his face off the table he'd slumped against.

"Sorry," he muttered.

Kayla glanced from Nico's face to Austin's to back to Nico's.

"You really don't look good," she said. "Are you sick or something?"

Nico shook his head. "No."

"You should probably go the nurse," Kayla insisted. Her brows were creased and her mouth was set into a tight line.

"She won't send me home," Nico protested weakly.

"Good idea," Will interjected over Nico's head. "I'll take him."

"Alright, stop," Will said as soon as they had exited the lunchroom.

Nico shot him a questioning look.

"I thought we were going to the nurse."

Will rolled his eyes.

"I didn't think you'd want to talk about it with Austin and Kayla there."

"What?" Nico asked. He didn't like Will's tone. Any form of lightheartedness was gone. It had been removed and replaced with sharp, steely words.

"How long has this been going on?" Will asked.

"The passing out? Just today."

Will frowned. "And have you been doing anything differently from normal?"

Nico shook his head.

"Look at me."

Nico briefly glanced up and felt Will's blue eyes bore into him.

"Have you slept?"

"I…not last night."

Will sighed. "Ok. That's ok. What about eating?"

"What?"

"What did you eat yesterday?"

Nico raised his hand to the back of his neck and rubbed it. "I, uh, didn't do that either."

He refused to meet Will's gaze.

"Nico."

"What?"

"Look at me."

Nico, again, glanced up for the smallest of moments.

"Do you what I want to do when I grow up?" Will asked, his tone suddenly much softer.

"Musician?" Nico guessed.

"No, I'm going to med school. I'm going to be a doctor," Will answered. "I'm going to help people." Will took a step closer. "But I can't help them if they don't let me know what's going on in their lives."

"Yeah," Nico mumbled. "That makes sense."

"Do understand where I'm going with this?"

Nico nodded.

"So what's going on?"

Nico shook his head. "Nothing." His own voice sounded cold, even inside his own head. He had mentally shut down somewhere in the middle of the conversation. Nico knew from this point there would be no reasoning with him. He knew he'd walled himself off and he'd only give the shortest, more appropriate answer even if it was the exact opposite of what he really felt.

Will frowned. He exhaled loudly though his mouth and clasped his hands together before running them though his hair.

"Ok," he said wiping his hand over his own face. "Let's try that again. Where did I lose you?"

Nico cocked his head to the side slightly, making strands of hair fall into his field of vision. He brushed them away, absently with his hand.

"You didn't "lose" me anywhere," he said. "There's just nothing going on to tell you."

Will looked extremely unhappy.

"Why can't you tell me?" he asked.

Nico glared at him. "Whatever you're trying isn't going to work. You're not going to able to fix me. So, drop it…please."

It was at this point Nico felt himself pulled forward into Will's chest. He felt Will's arm wrap around him and hold him with a strength Nico didn't know he had. His hair ruffled as Will whispered "I don't try to fix what isn't broken." into it.

Nico's heat clenched at that. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the confusing mix of emotions swirling around in his head. He was angry at Will for prying into his life. He was sad for who knows what reason. He was lonely and yet at the same time, he felt extremely comforted and, well, safe. Logically, he knew Will was just another kid who had no idea what he was doing, but the fact that he was trying so hard to understand what was in Nico's head and trying to help warmed Nico and made him endlessly happy.

"Let me go," he whispered after a few more seconds.

Will pulled back to an arm's distance away.

Nico shook his head slightly, trying to clear his head with a physical action.

"This is all your fault," he said. "How am I going to go through the rest of the day now?"

Will half smiled, but there was no humor in it. "I wish I didn't have to leave you this weekend. I'm not going to have my phone with me, so you can't even text me. Hey, I know. It's a shitty situation, but I'm going to text you as soon as I get back, ok? If you want to talk to me, we can do it then. Until then, just don't do anything dumb."

Nico rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to go off and die over the weekend."

"I know," Will said absently.

"So, are we not going to the nurse then?" Nico asked.

"Do you want to?"

"Not really."

Will nodded. "Ok, but you have to start eating and sleeping on a normal basis."

"Ok."

"Please?"

"I will."

Of course, it was a lie.

* * *

It was a Friday, which meant that it was a relaxation day in gym class. The class all grabbed yoga mats from the bin in the corner and, trying to ignore the smell, lied down on them for the next half an hour while Coach Hedge was not allowed to talk or threaten anyone. Instead he read his magazine in silence. The only sound was the steady turning of pages.

"Sleep," Will said as he and Nico laid down next to Jason and Piper. "I'll wake you up."

"I'm not tired," Nico lied.

"It's just half an hour," Will said. "You won't even go into a REM cycle if that's what you're worried about. No dreams."

Nico shook his head. He wasn't really worried about dreams. Still, he shut his eyes and decided that he could at least pretend. He heard Jason say something over him, but it was too quiet to make out the words. He hadn't meant to, but Nico was asleep within minutes. Before he knew it, Will was shaking him to wake him up and the class was over.

Somehow more tired than before, Nico got dressed and made his way out of the locker room. Per usual, Will was waiting for him. It stuck Nico as odd that the two of them went into the same room, but waited for the other one outside it.

Will began talking about a new dragon he'd gotten in his collecting game and the two of them set off down the hallway.

"Well, you should probably go," Nico said as the two of them neared the hallway where Will had his American Studies class.

"Nah, I got to go the computer lab," Will said. "Junior research paper," he explained.

"Oh."

They walked a few more hallways before they reached the computer lab.

"I'll see you Monday," Will said as the two reached the door. He stopped and held out his arms. "Come here."

Nico half smiled as Will hugged him again. He had almost grown used the tingling butterflies he got so often now a days.

Nico's weekend was uneventful. He took Will's advice and tried to eat. He really only managed one decent sized meal a day, but he comforted himself with the fact that he really had made an effort. The other half of the request was easier to complete. Nico's sleeping patterns were screwed up, but he did sleep. It just wasn't at traditional times or amounts some days.

Hazel went missing for the majority of Saturday. She and Frank were out doing something. Nico found himself caring slightly less than he had before. Of course, he still refused to associate with the big guy beyond what was absolutely necessary, but he had brought his sister safely home once.

Nico found himself in a much better mood on Sunday night than he had been on Friday morning, and carried some of the optimism into the next day. He had finished the sketch on his art project (which was really the only project he cared about) and began inking in the lines he would be needing. Lacy and Mitchell, from two seats away were rather impressed by Nico's idea and Lacy asked what it was supposed to be.

"I was thinking about the myth of Persephone," Nico explained. "From Greek Mythology. I'm not sure why."

Lacy shrugged apologetically. "Yeah, I'm not really too great at Greek Mythology. It looks cool though."

"Thanks. You have a good idea as well," Nico said, feeling the need to say something nice to her.

Lacy smiled, her braces catching the light. She may have said something else but, Mitchell suddenly swore loudly as he accidently tore his paper and the conversation ended.

"Nico!" Will called loudly, and rather unnecessarily as Nico sat down across from him.

"Hi," Nico replied. "How was your thing?"

Will's eyes shown with excitement and he began rambling on about his weekend.

"What have you done?" Austin moaned as he dropped into the seat next to Nico.

"I just asked him how his weekend was-"

"Never ask Will about his retreats," Austin cut him off. "He's gonna talk your ear off for the next week."

He gestured to Will who had literally switched his focus on Kayla without missing a beat.

Nico grinned. "That's ok," he said to Austin. "I don't talk enough."

Austin covered his eyes with his hands and leaved back in his seat. "God, you're just as bad as he is." he complained.

"Umm," he turned to Will who was still talking to Kayla and hadn't heard a word of the conversation.

Austin apparently didn't notice Nico's reaction and started eating his lunch. Will eventually turned his attention from Kayla back to Nico.

"…and then did this skit. Oh my God," Will rambled. "It was incredible. Everyone there always cries at the end of the skits and then we always go and talk about it. Oh, yeah."

He pulled something out of his bag. It looked like a red and green piece of yarn.

"Hold out your hand," he said to Nico.

"What?" Nico asked confused.

"Just do it."

Not quite sure what was going on, Nico extended his right hand.

"Everyone has necklaces we do this on," Will explained. "But you obviously don't."

He took hold of Nico's hand and wrapped the piece of yarn on his index finger.

"Nico, I present you with this gift," Will said as he began tied a knot in the knot. "You've become one of my best friends, and I've really grown to care about you over the months."

Nico could swear that his face could burn someone.

"I…" he trailed off.

"Sorry if that was weird," Will said picking up his sandwich. "You're supposed to say nice things as you tie the yarn on their necklace. It's meant to symbolize your love for them."

Nico's heart pounded in his ears. His eyes flicked around the table and the table and he noticed that he seemed to be the only one of Will's friends to receive a piece of yarn.

"What do I do with it?" he finally asked.

Will shrugged.

"I don't care. Throw it out for all I care. It's only supposed to be a thing for as long as I talk to you."

"I'll keep it," Nico decided.

Nico found the rest of the day much easier to get though. Somehow the piece of yarn seemed to give off a heat of its own, warming his cold hand, circling and cushioning him in a soft layer of fuzz. When he got home, Nico slipped the yarn off his finger and hung it up on his cork board.

* * *

"You ready?" Will asked.

Nico nodded, bouncing slightly on the balls of his bare feet.

The day to take the physical part of the self-defense class had come. Coach Hedge had made a big deal out of an online study guide that everyone should read before taking the test, but it was gym class. Nico was not going to put in one minute of outside study.

"Di Angelo, Grace," he paused "Nyssa—

"This always happens," a dark haired girl complained. "My last name's not that hard to pronounce."

"and La Rue. Get over here. Bring your partners."

Nico, Will, Jason, Piper, and a few other kids shuffled off to the side of the gym in front of what they hoped would be a benevolent god. Nico took his spot on the floor as instructed and waited with Will in front of him for Coach Hedge's instructions.

"Close your eyes."

"What?" Nico asked. His dark eyes swiveled around the room as if he had been asked to jump into a pit of snakes. They focused on Will.

"I don't want to."

"Do it."

Nico reluctantly shut his eyes, feeling the ground sway slightly below him. The silence stretched on and Nico felt his eyes twitch under his lids. What was going on?

Suddenly, Nico felt a pair of arms close around him from behind, pinning his arms. Nico wasn't sure if he was supposed to open his eyes or not, so he kept them closed as he struggled in the arms that held him. Whoever it was strong, but as Nico twisted violently, he felt the other person overbalance and Nico dropped to the ground, carried by the weight of the other person.

Nico opened his eyes. He was curled on the ground, with Will, because of course it was Will, lying spread-eagled on top of him, his hands still firmly clamped around Nico's back. He was laughing. Nico quickly found his hands, broke the grip, and stood up.

He offered a hand to Will, who took it and stood up.

Coach Hedge walked over to Nico.

"You didn't use your voice and you let your attacker bring to the ground. However, you did manage to get away. Keep practicing."

Nico nodded.


	12. Water World

**AN: Yes, it's been a long ass time. I've been really busy with college and filming 12 hour shoots on the weekends. Haha, such is life. I suspect that updates are gonna be much slower from here on out. We're gonna slowly creep towards that finish line. Enjoy!**

"This list is too long," Will complained as he and Nico sat against the wall.

Nico looked over his shoulder to see just what exactly he was talking about and groaned.

"No, no."

"Yes!"

"I thought it was a joke."

"This is no laughing matter."

"Who's laughing? Does this look like the face of happiness?"

"Oh come on, man," Will protested. "You have to."

"I'll do no such thing," Nico countered.

"But _Mean Girls_ is a classic!"

Nico frowned.

"But I don't want to."

Will sighed and put his phone back in his pocket.

"Hedge is coming," he said standing up and holding his hand out for Nico.

Nico took his hand. He felt a rush that couldn't possibly be from standing up alone. He felt as if he'd left his stomach somewhere four feet below him. Nico knew he could protest all he liked, but in the end, he was going to regret it if he stuck to his "no" on this one. After all, Will might never ask him to do anything outside of school again and Nico's house was boring, and he didn't have a car.

"Alright fine," he muttered. "But this is the only time I'm watching it."

"Yay!"

Nico walked over to Jason and sat down in front of him.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Dude, save all your homework," Jason said almost absentmindedly.

Nico frowned, a little confused.

"Um, ok."

"Leo always holds a party-well, technically he doesn't," Jason cut himself off. "He lives in an apartment with his mom so he can't, but every summer he gets one of his friends to host."

"Ok," said Nico who barely thought about next week let alone months in advance.

"So we all get together and burn our homework," Jason finished.

"That's great for you," Nico told him. "But I fail to see how I factor in."

Nico had never so much as met Leo. He doubted he'd be invited.

"Well, you don't have to come if you don't want to," Jason replied. "But Will's going to want to bring you."

Nico felt himself tense up a little. He didn't like what Jason was implying.

"I mean, me and Pipes go every year, since elementary school, and of course Leo has a lot of other friends. Last year, Will brought Austin and Kayla and they're probably coming back this year. Kinda the more people the better."

"Ok, I'll keep it in mind," said Nico. He was intent on forgetting it as soon as possible.

* * *

"Yo, I'll pick you up at like five or something," Will said after he and Nico had set down the hallway.

"Today?"

Will shrugged.

"Yeah. You doing anything?"

Nico made a small sound as he exhaled.

"Do I ever?"

Will shrugged and muttered something almost inaudible that Nico caught as "I don't know.".

Nico, choosing to ignore the last remark continued along the hallway. He supposed he would have to take the bus home that day. Rachel was not going to be happy.

She was not.

"Hi," Nico said quietly as he sat down. The seat creaked and his backpack zippers clanked against each other, so he wasn't even sure she'd heard him.

Rachel said nothing in reply, staring out the window, chin in her hand, her face watching the trees. Nico glanced out the window too. The snow from last week was dripping from the branches, hitting the cold, lifeless ground.

"Nice trees," Nico said.

Rachel's face didn't change, her eyes focused ahead.

Suddenly, she swung her head around.

"Where have you been?" she snapped.

"School."

Rachel frowned but shrugged.

"Whatever."

Nico, who had never inquired as to Rachel's absence when she was gone, felt the need to offer her some kind of explanation.

"I was at the library...I would work on homework...and stuff…" he trailed off.

Rachel seemed to soften.

"It's fine. I was just beginning to think you'd died or something."

"Haha," Nico said rather than laughing. "Nah, I'm still here."

"So how are classes."

Nico sighed.

"Same."

Rachel made a face.

"That bad still."

"Yeah."

"Horticulture?"

"Brunner's a good teacher. He's just not…" Nico gestured with his arm in the hope that it would convey what he was feeling.

He was becoming increasingly nervous around the class. Every day he dreaded even going. He was falling farther and farther behind. Even if Nico had wanted to participate he had no idea what was going on around him anymore. The textbook might have been in a foreign language for all he understood it. Everything built on each other like a pyramid. Nico didn't have a base and the blocks kept tumbling and crashing to the was sure Mr. Brunner knew it too. He kept telling himself he would do better, but he never did. He would catch up. He would study this time. He'd finally learn the difference between pinnate and palmate. He never cycle continued over and over again.

Rachel nodded.

"How's art?"

"Oh, good. We're working on our charcoal piece. You're still doing graphite?"

"Final."

"Oh, yeah. And you're doing ink and watercolor?"

Nico nodded.

"Do you know what you're going to do for your final?"

"I was thinking maybe acrylics. I don't work in paint much, so it would be a challenge."

"When's your final?"

"We're going to start it after charcoal, so probably next week. Two weeks tops," Rachel said.

The two of them were cut off by the bus lurching to a halt.

"See you," Rachel said standing up.

"Yeah, see you," Nico said, but his words went unheard as Rachel was swept out the door by the throng of other students.

* * *

Nico was in his room when Mrs. O'leary began barking wildly. Guessing who it was, Nico climbed down the stairs.

"Hey," he said opening the door. He had one hand on the dog's collar and was very nearly pulled out the door as she strained to meet this new person.

"Oh my god," Nico muttered through gritted teeth as he struggled to restrain Mrs. O'leary. "Stick to texting me."

"Dog," Will said in form of reply, dropping to his knees and holding out his hand.

Nico let go of her collar and Mrs. O'leary bounded forward.

Nico let Will pet her for a while before growing impatient.

"So, how are you since I saw you last?"

Will smiled.

"Since two hours ago? Good."

Nico exhaled louder than strictly necessary. He was sure, that if he had been distracted, Will would be able to hear his heartbeat. He resolved to spend more time away from other people.

"Anyway," Will said standing up. "Let's go."

* * *

It turned out that Will's house was only about ten minutes away from Nico's. The neighborhood looked a lot less nice than Nico's but he decided he liked it more. The houses in Nico's neighborhood were imposing and loomed over the residents, casting an ever present shadow over them. The yards were meticulously trimmed. Nico had always thought his neighborhood was for looking, not actually doing anything in. The houses on Will's street were brightly colored and children ran along the streets.

Will's house was very much the same as his neighborhood. It was neat, but not extravagant. The door was red, which seemed so fitting Nico smiled.

The first thing Nico saw upon entering was a grand piano. He was a little taken aback until he remembered Will had told him that his mom was a professional musician. He wondered if Will could play as well.

Will had kicked off his shoes and walked down a hallway. Nico followed him noticing that it was lined in baby photos. He found Will rummaging through a box of DVDs in what Nico decided was his living room.

"Is that him?" Nico asked pointing to a fish tank in the corner of the room.

Will looked up and laughed.

"Yeah, that's Bro."

Inside of the tank was a tiny black goldfish. He swam through the water, weaving his way around the plants, and Nico contented himself with watching the fish until Will found what he was looking for.

"I still don't know how I feel about this," Nico said taking the DVD cover extended to him and flipping it over.

Will didn't comment on his remark.

"Are you hungry?"

"No."

"Well, I am. I'm going to get something. You can go up to my room and set up the Xbox."

"Ok," Nico said, never having so much as touched an Xbox before. He wasn't really sure why, but his dad was firmly against video games. Computer games were fine, but as soon as something required a console he would flat out refuse, saying that video games made kids violent. He didn't want his kids staring at a screen for eight hours a day. It didn't make any sense Nico realized looking back on his dad's line of reasoning. Still he didn't really mind He stuck to Magic cards for most of his entertainment.

"Third door," Will said before heading off down the hallway.

Nico climbed the stairs and pushed Will's door open. He almost sighed in relief. Will's bedroom was possibly worse than his. Clothes were strewn over the floor, dresser, shelves, and seemingly but the hamper. Video game boxes were piled roughly in one corner. Some were open and clearly empty. There was a desk with a computer and several books worth of papers on it. A poster of a mountain range at night was behind Will's bed. On closer inspection the poster said "Zelda" at the bottom. Several clay figurines sat on the dresser next to the bed.

Nico located the Xbox next to Will's bed. After putting the DVD in, he looked around for a controller to turn it on, but couldn't find it anywhere.

Luckily, he was saved anymore searching by Will walking into the room.

"Do you know you have drum sticks on the floor?" Nico asked.

"Marimba mallets," Will corrected distractedly as he put a bag of pretzels on his bed. His eyes scanned the room before he shook his head and knelt next to his bed. Nico watched as he stuck his hand under it and, after a few seconds, pulled out his controller.

Will sat down on his bed and turned on the monitor in front of it. Nico, still not quite sure why he was letting himself be subjected to such an inhuman form of torture, sat down next to him.

The movie, honestly, wasn't as bad as Nico had feared. It was stupid, but it was very intentionally meant to be so. Nico's attention slowly began to drift from the images on the screen to the boy sitting next to him. Will had eaten all the pretzels and was seemingly subconsciously holding the empty bowl to his chest. Before he could stop himself, Nico wished that he was was the one being held. Then he realized that he was getting jealous of a plastic bowl.

" _You're an idiot,"_ he thought to himself. _"Just stop. He's your friend. Shut up and watch the damn film."_

Feeling suddenly very cold, Nico wrapped one of the loose blankets on the bed around his shoulders. His fingers curled into the fabric, tightening it around him, making himself smaller. It didn't help with the cold.

By the time the movie had ended, Nico's arms and legs very stiff from sitting in the same position for too long. He knew he was being stupid, but h couldn't help it. He wasn't sure how to stay friends with someone he liked so much. At least with Percy he only saw him at school. Actually being at Will's house had thrown him off. Everything felt different, and Nico was not up to new experiences. There weren't any easy escapes, no way to blend into an non existent crowd.

He threw off the blanket as soon as the credits started playing and stood up.

Will looked up, surprised by the sudden movement.

"What's up?" he asked.

"I should go," Nico said, not being able to come up with a good excuse.

Will's face fell.

"Aww, already? Is your dad asking you to come back?"

"Um, no," Nico said. "But I should go anyway."

Will frowned.

"I mean, ok. If you really want to. Let me find my shoes."

He stood up too and walked past Nico on his way to the door.

"Wait."

Will turned back.

"Do you want me to stay?"

"I want you to make your own decision. I don't want to force you either way."

It was the way he said it. Nico felt like Will had dropped his normal composure. He had entered his way to frequent "let's protect Nico" mode.

Nico sighed and sat back down on the bed.

"Stop treating me like that," he said. "I'm not a kid."

He was sixteen.

"What?" Will asked. He sounded annoyed. "Like I fucking care?"

"Like you think I'll blow up if you say the wrong thing."

Will crossed over to the bed and sat down next to Nico. Nico noticed that he kept about a foot of space between them. He appreciated the gesture, and it made him feel worse for snapping at him.

"I'm not." Will began.

The two of them sat in silence for a few seconds. Nico wondered if he was suppose to say something.

"Do you want to play a game or something?" Nico offered.

Will's face seemed to relax and he smiled.

"Yeah, I've got Smash up here somewhere," he said. He began to look through the pile of games on his floor.

"Can I help?" Nico asked.

"Nah, I got it. Here."

Will tossed Nico another controller.

"Ah, yes. This thing I totally know how to use."

Will laughed.

"No, seriously," Nico said. "How do I us this?"

Will refused to answer and Nico was left to desperately flick though the buttons before managing to pick a character.

"I'm not going to be any good at this... Oh my god. Will. Will! How do I jump? How do I jump!? I'm dying! Stop it! Stop!"

Nico's character had fallen off the edge of the screen and promptly exploded in a ray of light. Will began to laugh as Nico began to press all the buttons in rapid succession to limited success. After a while, Nico found himself laughing along with him. With every game, Nico found himself getting just a little bit better. By the end he almost always hit the button that corresponded to the action he wanted. He still not anywhere close to beating Will.

"I used to play against the CPU all the time," Will explained. "It's what happens when you're an asshole without any friends. I got really good at it."

Nico raised an eyebrow.

"The game," Will elaborated. "Not being an asshole. Although I did get better at that too. The two are not connected."

The eyebrow raised higher.

"You know what? Shut up."

"I haven't said anything," Nico said, mocking surprise. "I am shocked and offended."

Will hit him in the face with a pillow.

By the time Nico left he was in much higher spirits. Will had even had convinced him to eat somewhere down the line, so he wasn't even hungry anymore. In the back of his mind, Nico knew that he was going fall apart someday, but that didn't seem as important anymore. It was if he had been carrying something heavy on his back. It had been there for so long, he'd grown accustomed to it's weight, but it had been momentarily lifted. Nico felt it slowly returning as he opened his door and climbed the stairs to his room, the weight of it starting to crush him from the inside out again.

He slammed his door closed and rushed into the bathroom instead. His eyes scanned the reflection in the mirror. The hair that he kept meaning to get cut. The thin limbs disappearing and being swallowed in the folds of black cloth. The brown eyes, sharp, the only feature keeping him from from thinking he was a corpse.

His silver ring clinked against the glass as he put his hand to the mirror.

"No," he breathed.

He imagined his reflection nodding.

"I said I wanted to stop."

But Nico knew he couldn't. His was in control of his own life as he was the winter slowly shifting into spring.


	13. Wires

**AN: I've been going back over the beginning of this fic. It's so bad. I spelled "circumstances" with a "s" on one of the early chapters. I don't deserve any of you guys. I would like to do a edited version of this story when it's done. Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself.**

"Hey," Rachel said the next morning as soon as she sat down next to Nico. She came a little too close and her leg brushed against Nico's. He let out a small hiss of discomfort and moved closer to the window.

"Hmm," he said in way of reply. His mind wasn't really focused on school, or really that day at all. Last night, he had replayed his afternoon over and over again in his mind, trying to figure out what exactly had lifted his mood. Nico was sure that if he could figure out exactly what it was, he could do it again. He wanted to feel happy again.

"Guess what?" Rachel asked, excited.

"What?"

"I'm hosting an art exhibit," Rachel said proudly. "I got a bunch of kids to donate art, and we're going to auction it all off at the night. All the money's going to go to charity."

"That's great."

Rachel nodded.

"Yeah, my dad even rented a place for us to host in. I don't think he understands why it's important to me, but he knows it'll make me happy…" Rachel trailed off. Nico knew she didn't like talking about her dad. The two of them didn't really see eye to eye, especially when it came to Rachel's interest in art.

"Anyway," Rachel said after a few seconds. "It's going to be on the 15th of April. You should go."

"Yeah," Nico agreed, his interest momentarily peaked. "I've never been to an art auction before."

Rachel smiled.

"Cool. I'll remind you when it gets closer."

"Ok."

* * *

Nico was halfway to the cafeteria when he paused.

No, he decided. He didn't want to see anyone. He wasn't sure why, but he felt too tired to talk to anyone else. He felt incredibly cold despite the fact that he was still wearing his jacket.

He turned and fought his way through the crowd converging on the cafeteria like so many ants crowd onto a dropped piece of fruit. After several minutes of struggling, Nico made it to the library. Slinging his backpack to the ground, Nico's feet soon followed, and he sank back against the wall, into the notch in the bookcases. The walls pressed against his shoulders on either side, and Nico drew his legs to his chest.

He closed his eyes, the world seemingly spinning around him. The tension he hadn't realized he'd accumulated throughout the day began to lessen. It felt good to just be alone for a while where no one could see him.

After a few minutes of sitting in such a way, Nico found a book to read on a shelf next to him, _The Five Stages of Grief_. He knew he'd already read this one before, but he not so much enjoyed as he was compelled to reading it again.

Nico felt his backpack buzz.

Will: Yo where u at

Will: R u sick

Nico glanced at the messages and wanted nothing more to ignore them. He wanted to stay hidden. But he couldn't.

Nico: No, I'm here. Give me a few minutes to get there.

He put the book back on the shelf and left the library feeling rather stupid for being there for such a short time.

"Where were you?" Will asked when Nico joined him, Austin, and Kayla.

Nico ignored the question.

Will was distracted from prodding further by Austin.

"Hey, man, I need your shirt."

Will narrowed his eyes.

"No."

Austin rolled his eyes.

"I need it for band."

"No. You can't just justify everything with "I need it for band", you jackass."

Austin frowned.

"I don't need it today."

"If you want another shirt, go fucking buy one."

"But we all need to look the same for the performance."

"Think about it, man," Kayla cut in. "If you're wearing Will's shirt, what will _he_ wear?"

"But I'm cheap," Austin whined.

Will threw up his hands in a "Not my problem" kind of gesture.

"Besides, I know I never get anything you borrow back," Will said. "You still owe me, like, what is it?" he asked Kayla.

"I think the grand total is seventeen dollars."

"Exactly."

Austin frowned and crossed his arms.

"I don't know why I'm even friends with you guys."

Will shrugged.

Nico rolled his eyes at the whole exchange but he couldn't help smiling.

"Speaking of dumbasses," Kayla said over Austin's immediate protests "do you know any juniors or seniors I can go to prom with?"

Nico shook his head while Austin merely looked confused.

"Why the fuck do you want to go to prom? You're a freshman."

"Wait, shouldn't you be in the other building?" Nico asked before she could answer.

Kayla waved him off.

"We only have one band room," She turned her attention back to Austin. "I want the dress."

He shook his head.

"Don't look at me."

She turned to Will.

"What about you? You're a junior."

He frowned.

"I might be able to find someone for you."

"Why don't I just, you know, go with you?" Kayla asked. "I thought you were going anyway."

"I...um," Will began. "I might be going with someone else…" he trailed off, embarrassed.

Nico's heart sank.

"Who?" he asked.

Will looked at him thoughtfully for a second before saying "I don't know. I just don't want to decide now."

"Oh." Nico said in form of reply. "Ok."

He left the lunch period feeling distinctly worse than he had entered it.

* * *

Nico spent the rest of this day quietly waiting until he got to gym class. Strange, he thought. He used to despise the idea of the class. It used to the worst part of his day since we didn't enjoy sports and wasn't really very good at them (He couldn't get past the whole team aspect.).

"Hey, how you doing?" he asked as Will sat down next to him.

"I'm so tired," Will complained.

"Huh, that sucks."

"I don't want to do this," Will continued sinking further down the wall until he was was half lying on the floor.

"It's not that bad," Nico said, slightly exasperated.

Silence.

"So, um, how is Skyrim?"

Apparently it was the wrong the thing to say.

"I have an unhealthy addiction."

"Well the first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one."

"But it's so good!"

Nico rolled his eyes.

It had been the thing to get Will talking though, and he spend the next few minutes telling Nico all about how his goal was do every quest, collect every item, and read ever scroll.

"But isn't Skyrim more or less a sandbox game?"

"No. It's open world."

"What's the difference?"

"Sandbox you take control over. It's like Minecraft."

Nico wasn't sure he followed. However, he was saved any sort of caring or further thought on the subject by Coach Hedge. He strode into the gym with his usual exuberance. His clipboard was in one hand, and in his other was his ever-present magazine.

"I think he's added a whistle to his attire," Nico commented as the coach past him.

Will groaned.

"R.I.P. my ears."

"What do you think we're doing," Nico asked as he stood up and extended a hand to Will. "We finished our self defense exam weeks ago. We've just been playing Volleyball. I'm sick of it."

"Same." Will nodded in agreement. "If Jason hits me one more fucking time with the ball, I'm walking out."

"We're doing a research project," Coach Hedge explained as soon as the class had settled down. "It's going to be worth 20% of your grade. Silence, cupcakes!" he interjected over the classes various interjections. "Because we're going to be doing this, we're cutting relaxation day."

"But that's the whole reason I took this class," Nico complained under his breath.

"I'm not arguing this with you, cupcakes," Coach said. "It's non-negotiable. This will be a partner project." He narrowed his eyes. "I'll be able to tell if one person isn't doing anything. So, you better both put in hard work. Now, I checked out laptops," he pointed to a rolling cart in the corner of the room. "So I don't want any excuses."

With that, the class scattered, breaking off into pairs."

"Any idea what this project is supposed to be about?" Will asked, slumping against the wall, then sliding down so that he wound up sitting next to Nico.

"No," Nico answered, opening the laptop.

"Check the website."

"We have a website?"

Will nodded.

"We have a _syllabus_?" Nico asked incredulously after a few clicks.

"There," Will said pointing at the screen. "We're supposed to do an analysis on one of these things here."

It was a list of different exercise methods.

"Which one do you want to do?"

"I don't care."

"Well, I don't care either."

"Just pick one then."

"No."

"Fine," Will closed his eyes and pointed at the screen. "That one."

"That's our dress code."

Will frowned.

"You know what, we'll just do the first one."

For such a short amount of time an hour was, it certainly did seem to pass very slowly. Nico was on the brink of frustration after a few minutes. His chest burned angrily, and he felt slightly nauseous. He was sitting uncomfortably on the hard, cold concrete floor researching a topic he did not actually care about, all with the looming fear hanging over his head that if he did badly it would fuck up his entire grade. Who fails P.E.? Spider man, Nico reminded himself. He doubted that one counted. Who else fails P.E.? Nico. That's who apparently. And why stop there? He was doing terrible in Horticulture. Why not fail that one as well. He was going to have to repeat the entire grade.

Nico felt a slight pressure on his shoulder. It was so sudden, he jumped slightly. He felt his stomach drop. Nico could hear his heart pound in his ears. It was so loud he was certain that Will could hear it too. He tried to turn his head, but was hit in the face with a mass of curly hair.

"Umm." It wasn't really a spoken modifier that would lead to any words, as much as the same syllable repeated over and over again.

"Sorry," Will said taking his head of Nico's shoulder. "I'm tired. I forgot. Personal space."

"It's ok," Nico finally found his voice. "Just, um, warn me first."

Will raised an eyebrow.

Nico narrowed his eyes.

"Or not…"

There was a beat of silence.

"That was weird."

"That was weird."

"We are never doing that again."

"Ok."

There was another pause.

"Oh, look! A project!" Will abruptly changed topics.

"Yeah," Nico agreed, directing his attention back to the screen.

* * *

Nico knew something was wrong the minute he stepped through the door. Every day he was greeted by Mrs. O'leary, but today she was nowhere to be found. The strangeness continued as nico progressed into his kitchen. Instead of the one backpack unceremoniously thrown on the floor, there were two. Instantly suspicious, and guessing who was in his house, Nico rounded the living room corner. Inside, he saw what had been more interesting to Mrs. O'leary than him.

Frank, the baby faced semi-stranger, was sitting on the floor at an odd angle, making Nico suspect he had fallen there. Around him were Mrs. O'leary, all to interested in the new guest, and Hazel. She was holding a dog toy, and seemed to be trying to convince Mrs. O'leary to come over to her.

"Nico," she called. "Get her to leave us alone. We're trying to play Monopoly."

"A board game? Is the internet broken?" Nico mused.

Hazel frowned and puffed her breath out her mouth in annoyed sort of gesture.

"We can still appreciate board games."

"Ok, have fun with that then," Nico. He turned to go upstairs.

"Wait," Hazel protested. "We can't play with two people. Come back!"

Nico, now resigned, slowly made his way back.

* * *

"I declare, this is simply unfair," Hazel said an hour and a half later. "You're supposed to trade with people, Nico."

Nico looked at the randomly colored stack of cards in front of him.

"I see no reason to."

"But you're not really playing the game," Frank answered.

"I am."

"Nico, you're trying to collect one every color."

"I can't help if if my priorities are different than yours," Nico said, ignoring his sister. "Now silence, I still need a purple one."

"I don't understand what you asked him to play with us if he does this every time," Frank whispered. Hazel giggled. Nico was slightly offended.

"Only she gets to say that."

Nico was eventually beaten and bankrupted by Hazel, but he hung around until the end of the game. He and Hazel didn't really spend much time together anymore, so the game morphed into the three of them talking. Nico found himself more interested in Frank's life than he thought he would be. He was born into a military family and, because of it, was constantly moving around.

"I was actually born in Canada," he explained.

"So when did you move here?" Nico asked.

"At the beginning of the year. Not from Canada. My credits were all a mess. Some of them didn't even transfer, so I'm taking some classes again."

"Wait, _again_?" Nico asked. He frurrowed his brow. "How old are you?"

"Seventeen."

"Hazel!" Nico exclaimed. He hadn't even thought of the possibility that he was so much older than her. Wait a second. He was older than him too. "I am shocked and appalled with your tastes!"

Hazel blushed and tried to hide her face behind the cards.

Frank suddenly looked very uncomfortable. He shifted in his seat and really looked like he'd rather be anywhere else.

"Well, at least I'm not sad and lonely all the time," Hazel replied, still trying (and failing) to stop her cheeks from reddening.

"Ah! You offend me." Nico exclaimed. He put his hand over his heart as if he had been mortally wounded. "I prefer to be alone. Silence never says anything stupid."

"I supposed you do really need that in order to balance out the stuff in your head," Hazel contered.

"At least I have a head!" Nico retorted.

Hazel paused, a confused expression on her face. "That one doesn't make any sense."

Nico shrugged.

"It will in about half an hour."

Hazel laughed. She turned back to Frank. He was still sitting, looking like he was trying to take up as little space as possible. He eyes traveled from Hazel to Nico, bewildered.

"This is why I'm an only child…" he decided.


	14. Dust and Gold

**AN: I assume If you've read this far, you're fairly cool with semi-graphic/triggering stuff, but if you need a heads up, Nico's going to yell at himself and pretty emo in this one.**

"I can't get the eye to look right," Lacy from second period drawing class complained to her neighbor, Mitchell.

"Let me see," he said, dragging the paper closer to him.

"What do I do?" Lacy whined.

Mitchell stared at the page for a few seconds, before shrugging and passing it back to her.

"I don't know."

"Help me. It's due in a few weeks. I can't turn this in. It's horrible."

Mitchell shrugged.

"Maybe it's too dark... Nico," he called.

Nico looked up from the table next to the two.

"What?"

"Hey come here and look at this," Mitchell asked.

Nico stood up and stood about five feet away from the project. Stared at if for a few seconds, before he moved to stand next to Lacy. She was frowning at the picture. It looked like some abstract piece with seemingly random images and shapes thrown into it.

"Yeah," Nico decided. "It's all too dark. You don't have any contrast. If you just lighten up these areas," he pointed to the bottom corner of the eye "It should help you."

"Thanks," Lacy said. "I'm going to get the electric eraser."

"Yeah," Mitchell agreed. "It's a lot faster."

Lacy walked off murmuring something about adding a catch light.

Nico turned back to his own project. The table he was working on was a total mess. Every day, he got out the water colored and spend the first ten minutes of class mixing colors, and by the time he finished, it looked like a tornado had come through.. Pens and brushes were scattered across the table. Paper towels sat scrunched up like confetti. Scrap paper was streaked with a rainbow of test colors, and reference pictures were shoved off to the side and propped up with textbooks.

Nico sat down a picked up a brush, trying to remember specifically what he had been working on before he had been interrupted.

He phone buzzed.

Will: Wanna be in my short film

Nico: When is it?

Will: Soon u know Kayla

Will: She said she'd help

Will:I need a guy

Nico: Ok, why not.

Will: Awesome! I'm gonna get the script approved and I'll send it to u asap

Will: Ever acted

Nico: Not really.

Will: That's ok

Will: Just do what I say

Nico: That's a bit demanding.

Will: It's how it works in film lol

Will: Thx

Nico: Yeah, anytime.

"What's so funny?" Lacy asked.

Nico jumped slightly. He hadn't even noticed the whir of the eraser stop.

"What?"

"You're smiling."

Nico immediately frowned.

"I am not."

"Who were you talking to?" There was nothing intrusive about how she asked it. Nico got the sense that she was merely interested.

"It's just my director," Nico answered. It sounded strange to call Will a his "director" kind of like he was his boss or something. "He's going to send me a script for a short film he's working on."

Lacy's face light up.

"Ooh," she said excitedly. "Do you know about what?"

Nico shook his head. "Not really."

"That's really cool!" Lace decided. "I didn't know you could act. Because I'm in a theater class..."

Nico slowly lost interest in her story until it became background noise.

* * *

The days drug on at an agonizingly slow pace, and yet Nico found himself somehow never having any time for anything.

Nico's final assignment in Horticulture was assigned. He was to do 20 hours of plant related activities, write evaluations for each one, and make a final presentation explaining everything he'd done, what he'd "learned", and what he was going to change in the future. Nico had thought that 20 hours really wasn't too much in 2 months, until he realized that "hours" actually didn't mean hours.

Mr. Brunner always asked "What did you learn in the second hour that you didn't learn in the first."

And Nico, fixed by his piercing gaze, shrugged.

"Nothing, then," he mumbled.

"Then how can I count nothing?"

"Fine. I'll do something else."

Nico's house became the best kept lawn in the neighborhood, and he hated every second of it. Perhaps it was because he was told he had to do it, perhaps he really just despised plants, but Nico started growing irrationally angry whenever he was around a large amount of plants.

* * *

"Why are we here again?" Will asked, as he studied the large selection of perennial flowers.

Nico scowled, his hands in his pockets next to him.

"School."

"You know when you asked me to pick you up, I didn't think we'd be," Will gestured around him "In a...um, gardening store."

"Yeah, well, I need to plant these before it gets dark," Nico decided. He picked up the nearest plant. It had small blue flowers.

"What's it called?" Will asked.

"Hell if I know," Nico relied. "It says part shade."

"The fuck does that mean?"

"It needs three hours of direct light. Come on."

Nico walked down the next aisle, glancing around him. The rows were lined with trailing plants, crossing over each other and dangling to the ground. Other plants swung slightly in the light breeze above Nico in hanging baskets. It looked like a green ocean, dotted here and there with bright reds and oranges and pastel pinks, blues, and yellows. Dark purple and white clouds hung above it and Nico imagined himself some kind of sea god before dismissing the idea. And quickly moving whole place smelled like dirt mixed with all the various flowers. It wasn't as bad as he had thought it would be.

"I'll stay if you want," Will offered as the two boys arrived at Nico's house. "I can help you with the garden."

Nico shook his head.

"Thanks, but no."

He would have ordinarily said yes, but the pressure from all the projects being piled on him was starting to crack him. He always felt the pressure lifted when he was with Will, but it replaced with a feeling of walking on broken glass. It was nerve wracking to the point where extended amounts of time around him began to develop their own pressure.

Nico couldn't blame Will for it. After all, it wasn't his fault. Nico had hoped that if he ignored his feeling and buried them, eventually they'd go away, but it hadn't worked. If anything, they'd only gotten stronger. Nico kept finding more and more things to like about Will. His exaggerated reactions, the amount of stupid video game facts he knew, the jerky way he drove, not quite having mastered the wheel, how he never used punctuation while texting, his outright dismissal of rules as long as he deemed them unimportant, but mostly the positivity he seemed to approach every aspect of his life with. Nico had heard the phrase "opposites attract" but had never really believed it until now.

As Will's car disappeared down the road, Nico shook himself mentally, and physically with a slight head shake and went to find a shovel.

" _You need to stop,"_ Nico thought to himself as he plunged the blade of the shovel into the long empty flower bed in front of his house.

" _You are mentally deficient. You're weird,"_ Nico thought, not quite he was referring to himself in second person. " _There's a reason most people don't want to even talk to you. Look at yourself. You look like a walking skeleton dressed like you're at a funeral every day. And let's not even get into what you're like on the inside."_

Nico hit the ground with the shovel harder than was strictly necessary. The wind around him began to pick hair whipped around his face and into his eyes.

" _It's like you saw what a normal person was, and then decided to become the exact opposite of it."_

It began to rain.

" _You can't make it through high school. You know you can't. You can't even make it through a day without doing something detrimental to yourself. Tell me, do you cut yourself to punish yourself or because you're so broken you like how it feels?"_

The rain began to soak through Nico's hair and clothes. His digging became more erratic, splitting layers of the wet dirt away from each other.

" _Do you think Bianca would behave like this? Do you think she'd disappoint Dad the way you do? He's gone all the time because you know he can't bare to look at you anymore. He tried replacing Bianca so he'd have some reason to come home at all, but even that didn't work."_

Nico wasn't digging anymore, instead swinging the blade of the shovel into the ground over and over again.

" _You should have been the one to die six years ago."_

The bottom of the hole turned into a muddy soup, sucking the blade of the shovel down every time it connected.

" _See, even now you can't do anything like a normal person. You can't care for yourself. How could you care for another person? You'll wind up destroying his life, so let."_

Crash.

" _Him."_

Crash.

" _Go."_

Nico threw down the shovel and let out a scream of frustration, loneliness, and above all despair.

" _Shut up. Shut up."_ Nico sunk to his knees as he quieted his mind. There was no point arguing with it. It was just himself. Besides, there was no arguing with what was true.

"Nico?"

He heard it, but his name sounded far away and faint in the downpour.

"Nico?"

It was Hazel.

"What are you doing outside?"

Nico looked up to see his sister's figure in the rain. As she moved closer, he could make out more and more of her. She wasn't wearing shoes and held her dripping hair out of her eyes with her hand.

"I'm planting this," Nico told her, pointing to the drenched plant next to the hole.

"I heard a yell," she said.

Nico glanced at the shovel.

"I hit myself."

"Ow," Hazel winced and followed his gaze. "You ok?"

"Yeah."

"Come in?" Hazel asked rather than stated.

Nico shook his head.

"Not until I'm done."

"Nico, the hole's way too big," Hazel said. She knelt next to Nico and picked up the plant. She held it over the hole, and Nico saw that she could probably stand in it.

"I guess I got carried away."

Hazel helped him fill in the hole to the point to where he could actually put the plant into it, and then pushed the dirt back around it.

"We probably don't have to water it," Hazel decided. She wiped her face and it came away smeared in mud. "Ugh, gross."

"Thanks," Nico said. He pulled Hazel closer and kissed her on the forehead.

She smiled, a little confused. Nico knew he only had kissed her a handful of times before when he was either really grateful, or when he was really upset. She was smart, Nico decided. She would have caught on either way.

"Let's go inside," Nico decided.

They left the shovel on the ground.

"I'm going to take a shower," Hazel said.

Nico nodded and peeled off his wet shoes and socks. His clothes were covered in mud, so changed into a new, dry set and tried to dry his hair as best as he could with a towel.

He suddenly felt very tired and weak, like all his strength had seeped into the ground along with the water.

"Hazel, I'm going to lie down," he called out into the hallway. "Can you find dinner ok?"

"Yeah."

Exhausted, Nico collapsed into his bed.

* * *

The sound of buzzing woke Nico. He looked at his phone. He had four missed messages.

Rachel: Hey, u ready? :)

Rachel: Where r u? I can't find u :/

Rachel: Are u here?

Rachel: Nico?

"Damn it," Nico exclaimed. He checked the date. April 15. The art showing. Nico felt a sinking into the pit of his stomach.

Nico: Sorry. Is it over?

Rachel: Yes.

Nico: I'm so sorry.

There was nothing else to say. There were no excuses he could make. What was worse was that today was Friday. He wasn't going to see Rachel again for two more days.

The room grew silent and stayed that way for what felt like hours.

"Hey, do want to eat anything?" Hazel eventually called up the stairs.

Her words echoed around Nico's brain, bouncing of the walls of his skull.

"No," he called back.

He didn't deserve to eat today anyway.

* * *

"How was your weekend?" Will asked as Nico sat down next to him the following Monday.

Nico shuddered internally and thought back to that morning. Rachel hadn't been angry, and it had somehow made it worse. She'd told him it had been ok, he didn't have to have come if he didn't want to. She did seem disappointed though, which was enough to make Nico feel more terrible than before. He knew he was being a bad friend. Trying to fix what he could, he had asked how the night went. Rachel's showing had been a big success, and they had raised over 500 dollars for charity. Rachel said that even her dad had a good time. Seeing the flush of excitement in her cheeks, Nico legitimately wished he had been there.

"I don't want to talk about it."

Will frowned.

"That bad, huh?"

Nico nodded.

"Well, it's not all bad news. Here" Will said proudly, shoving a packet of paper in front of Nico. "And here's yours," he said, placing another copy in front of Kayla who had just sat down.

Nico thumbed through the pages. The were strangely spaced apart, so that only a few words were on each page.

"What's with your font?" he asked Will.

Will rolled his eyes.

"That's how you're supposed to do it. I wrote this on Celtx. You'll get used to it."

"It looks pretty short," decided Kayla. "When are we doing this?"

"I have to check out equipment," Will told her, "But I want to start this weekend. Can you guys go through and, like, memorize your lines."

Nico looked through the script again. There were eight pages, roughly four pages would be his. He wasn't sure how well he'd be able memorize them, let alone act. On top of all his homework, he was beginning to think that accepting Will offer had been too much for him.

"Don't worry," Will said, noticing his expression. "They don't have to be perfect or anything. I can always read your lines to you."

"It's not that," Nico muttered.

"Then what?"

Nico looked up, a bit surprised.

"Oh, I was hoping you weren't going to hear that."

Will frowned, but couldn't really do much without ignoring Kayla and Austin.

"We'll talk later," Will said.

Nico wasn't sure why, but the way he said it, it sounded more like a threat than anything. He wasn't sure if he should act offended or not. Before he could make up his mind, he felt Will's hand on his. Not offended, he decided.

"Shit, you're cold," Will whispered, but he didn't move his hand.

Nico shrugged in way of response.

Austin, who had been up until then, reading Kayla's version of the script, threw it down on the table.

"This the the worst, cheesiest piece of writing I've read," he decided.

"That's why you're not in it," Will replied casually.

"No," Austin disagreed. "The reason I'm not in it it because I was in one of your fall projects and you assured me that you'd never ask me again."

"It wasn't that bad."

"I was traumatized. You stuck eye drops in my eyes."

Austin pointed to his eyes, apparently in an effort to accentuate his point.

"I needed tears."

"You're an asshole, you know that right?" Austin asked.

"I bought you ice cream afterwards," Will protested.

"Will you buy us ice cream?" Kayla asked, suddenly interested.

"Yeah, sure. After."

* * *

Nico walked through the hallway on his way to the bus. The zipper of his jacket was being stubborn, and he yanked at it in an effort to get it to zip without stopping the flow of excited teenagers on their way to freedom.

Nico felt a sharp pain, heard a crack, and stumbled back holding his now throbbing forehead.

"Ow, fuck!" he heard.

Looking up to see who he had walked into, he was shocked to see a tall boy who looked like he had done a lot of growing in a short amount of time. He had black hair, an orange jacket, and carried a duffel bag in one hand. Swim flippers had been awkwardly jammed into the bag, but they didn't quite fit. In the boy's other hand was a cell phone.

"Percy?" Nico asked, smiling slightly more amused than anything. Of all the people he could have run into, of course it was him.

Percy Jackson frowned slightly.

"You look familiar. Do I know you?" he asked, rubbing his chest where Nico had knocked into it.

Nico's smile faded.

"No, I guess not. Sorry."

Nico made to leave, but he was stopped by Percy.

"Yes, I do," he decided. "Over here." he pointed to an alcove and Nico reluctantly followed him.

Percy studied Nico's face for a few seconds.

"I went to middle school with you. Nico?"

"Yeah," Nico said. It was weird to hear Percy say his name now. His voice was different, almost like there was someone else speaking through him.

"Man, where have you been?"

"Here," Nico replied. "Come here every day."

Percy laughed. "How is it?"

"Honestly, it sucks. I hate it."

"Dude, same. I can't stand most of my classes. I wouldn't go all the way to hate though," Percy mused. "Hey, it beats middle school."

"You're right," Nico agreed. "You finally learn to read?"

"Shut up," Percy said, but he was still smiling.

"What grade are you in now?" Nico asked.

"Senior," Percy said. "I'm on top of the world and all that. You?"

"Sophomore."

There was a brief silence, neither of them knowing what to say next.

"Hey, I'm in Jason's gym class," Nico offered.

Percy's eyes widened. "Oh my god, so are you, like, bros?"

"Um, not really."

"What?" Percy asked, astonished as if Nico had said "No I actually hate puppies."."Why not? We should hang out sometime. All three of us."

"Really?" Nico asked, amused. "You didn't recognize me ten minutes ago. I thought you forgot I existed."

Percy shrugged. "Yeah, well. I'm not going to make the same mistake twice. Seriously, you're a cool dude. Keep in contact."

"Ok," Nico decided.

It wasn't until later, when Rachel had left, that Nico reflected on his conversation with Percy. Something felt off. Nico finally figured it out that night. Every other conversation he'd ever had with Percy he'd felt butterflies fluttering around his stomach, but, that day, the butterflies never came.


	15. Colored Glass Globe

It was raining. Nico looked through the glass doors as little pools formed in the cracks of the sidewalk. He turned away and faced Will and Kayla. The two of them were weighed down with film equipment.

"We can't go outside."

"Augh," Will complained, frustrated. "We'll have to do as much of the insides scenes now. Damn it. Most of it's outside."

He pulled out several crumpled pieces of paper and started muttering to himself.

Nico turned to Kayla. She shrugged and gestured in a kind of "I don't know" kind of way.

"Can I take this off?" she asked Will after a few seconds.

"What?" Will said, confused. He saw the camera equipment. "Oh, yeah. We need a locker."

"Mine's close," Nico said.

Nico soon found that setting everything up took a lot longer than any actual filming. First, they had to take everything out of the cases. Will asked Nico and Kayla to set up the tripod while he put together the microphone. The cables tumbled out and spilled across the floor. If they weren't an accident waiting to happen, Nico didn't know what was. It took a long time for Will to attach the camera and set it how he wanted.

"You want to be slate?" Will asked Nico handing him a dry erase board. The top was on a hinge so that the ends could be clapped together.

"What's it for?" Nico asked.

"It's to sync up the audio from the microphone," Will explained. "It also has info we can write on it. See," he pointed to board. "Title: Labyrinthine, Director: Will Solace, Camera: Will Solace, Date: April twenty second, Scene: 4A, Take: 1."

"Ok," Nico agreed, not really understanding.

"And you just change the takes and scenes as we do them. It's easy," Will assured.

The acting wasn't as hard as Nico had thought it would be. It really was just a lot of repeating the same sentence over and over again as Will moved the camera around him and Kayla. The plot of the story seemed to be Nico's character had lost his dad a few years before the start of the film. He met, and connected with Kayla's character who was having problems with her mom. Eventually, they helped each other though the experience and accepted their positions in life. Also, maybe started dating. Will said he wanted to leave it open to interpretation. The particular scene they were shooting was a conversation between the two characters about what made them happy. Nico's character was supposed to end it by taking Kayla's character by the hand and then the next scene would be the two of them outside at a nearby nature trail kind of thing.

Nico started to get a strange sense of whiplash as the mood went from a very serious conversation between the characters to Kayla giggling and jumping around as soon as the take ended. Will seemed to follow the same pattern. It seemed to be the ulimate team building activity. If one of them messed up, everyone had to reset. It was kind of like all jumping at the same time and hoping those around you to catch you. By the end of the shoot, Nico felt connected to the two of them, especially Kayla, in a way he hadn't before. Nico supposed that was how the cast and crew of movies became such close friends.

"We'll see if we can film outside tomorrow," Will said as the three of them began to pack up all the equipment. "If not, we'll do all the scenes at my house-Nico, you're coiling the cable wrong. The earlier you can get there, the better. Same for Sunday. We're going downtown even if it's in the rain. You guys aren't busy, right?"

"No," Kayla said.

Nico shook his head, still trying to coil the cable correctly.

"Cool," Will said. "Actually, It's be easier if you just spent the night Saturday. That way, I wouldn't have to pick you both up. No offense, but neither of you can drive."

"Um," Kayla looked very embarrassed. "I can't tell my Dad I'm going to spend the night over with some boy who's two years older than me. He'd kill me," she paused for a second before thoughtfully adding "and you."

Will blushed and looked equally embarrassed.

"Ok, yeah. Sorry. My bad. I'll pick you up. Nico?"

Nico crossed his arms and put his chin in hand. "I don't know," he said in an overly concerned, sarcastic voice. "My dad probably wouldn't like me spending the night with some boy who's a year older me."

"Hey!" Kayla protested immediately. "Don't mock me, asshole. I thought you were the nice one."

"Why would that bother him?" Will asked.

Nico shrugged.

"Figure it out."

"What?" Will looked utterly confused.

"Forget about it," Nico decided, taking pity on him. "My dad's pretty cool. I'll ask him," Nico decided.

"Cool."

The three of them stood in silence.

"What?" Will asked.

"We can't drive and you made us miss the bus," Kayla said.

Will frowned.

"Ok, fine. I need help with all this stuff anyway. Make yourselves useful," he handed the microphone to Kayla and the tripod to Nico. "Don't get them wet. I'm not paying for them."

"Nico," Kayla whispered as the three of them walked though the hallway.

"What?" he whispered back.

Kayla glanced at Will. He had taken the camera out of it's case and was looking though the footage on the SD card. Nico thought that if he kept it up, he'd probably run into a wall.

"Did you just try to come out?" she asked.

Nico smiled.

"I keep forgetting who knows and who doesn't." It was kind of strange now that Nico thought about it. Being gay used to be a big secret for him, but now he really didn't care who knew.

Kayla laughed.

"So, are you going to tell him then?" she gestured at Will.

"Nah, let him figure it out," Nico decided.

"I take back what I said before," Kayla said. "You're definitely not the nice one."

* * *

Will was driving the huge minivan, so there was plenty of room for all the equipment, plus teenagers to sit comfortably. Nico found, though the drive, that Kayla only lived about five minutes away from him in the next subdivision over. Strange they had never met Nico mused; they must have gone to the same middle school.

Nico, upon entering his house, immediately knew Frank was there. There was a pair of boots far too big to be Hazel's or Reyna's and not fancy enough to be his dad's sitting on the mat.

"You just live here now?" he asked casually as he strolled into the living room.

Frank about jumped out of his seat on the couch.

"Nico!" Hazel scolded. She was sitting next to him, a fluffy blanket covered both of their legs.

Nico looked around the room suspiciously.

"What are you doing?" he asked. There wasn't any sort of game out and the television wasn't on.

"Nothing," Hazel and Frank both said quickly.

Nico rolled his eyes.

"Sure."

"So," Hazel began, looking like she was looking for anything to change the topic to. "Where were you?"

"School. I'm working on a film project," Nico explained dropping into the seat next to Frank. He stiffened visibly, making Nico internally very satisfied. "We're hoping we finish it by next weekend."

Hazel smiled. "You're amassing quite the friend group."

Nico wasn't quite sure how to respond.

"Yeah, well," he said getting back up. "I'll leave you guys alone so you can go back to doing...nothing."

* * *

"How did you get here?" Will asked the next morning. Nico stood in his doorway, a backpack swung over his shoulder. "I was picking you up."

"My dad dropped me off," Nico explained. "He wanted to know where you live anyway."

Will winced slightly.

"That's not creepy as hell."

Nico laughed.

"Well, I had to get my fantastic social skills from somewhere."

"You're right," Will agreed. He seemed to notice the backpack. "So, will you be staying then?"

Nico nodded.

"Awesome," Will said. "Just drop your shit anywhere. I'm leaving to get Kayla. Want to come?"

"Ok."

It wasn't really an answer, but Will took it as a yes.

* * *

The day went much more smoothly than before up until the point where Will decided that they'd done all they could in the house.

"So, where's this trail?" Kayla asked as she help Will and Nico pack the camera up.

"It's really close, but we're driving. We've got too much shit to carry." Will explained. "We don't have to do a great job. We just need everything to fit in the car."

Nico knew something was off the moment they pulled into the parking lot. The ground was still suspiciously wet.

"Will," he asked. "This trail isn't by a river, is it?"

Will stuck his head out from the hatchback of the car.

"Yeah?"

Nico walked back over to the car.

"Leave that," he said gesturing to the equipment. "Come with me."

The three of them walked down the trail a good ten minute. The gravel stuck to the bottoms of their shoes, coating them a light grey. The longer they were outside, the colder the air seemed to become. Going around a bend, Nico found his way blocked by a huge pool of water. It stretched between the trees, flowing into the actual river. Nico could make out fallen logs just under the surface. The area was completely flooded.

Will visibly broke. He took a few steps off to the side and, without warning, collapsed onto the grass. Nico was shocked and took a step forward, but Kayla grabbed his arm.

"He's fine," she said. "He does this."

She might have said more, but she was cut off by Will.

"Fuck me!" he half yelled at the sky.

"Does he do this often?" Nico asked.

Kayla shrugged.

"Get up," Nico called.

Will whined as he slowly moved himself into a sitting position. The grass had been wet and his clothes were dotted in tiny wet patches.

Nico rolled his eyes.

"You are a child," he said, extending his hand and pulling Will to his feet. "Can we film downtown?"

Will shook his head.

"Nah, it'd be dark by the time we got there."

"Ok," Nico said, still trying to keep his composure in the hopes that Will would copy him. "What about night scenes?"

"There's one outside a store."

"You want to do that now?" Nico asked.

Will nodded.

"Yeah, let's get going."

Filming outside the store was an awkward experience. Nico and Kayla now had the added bonus of people walking around behind them, pointing at the camera, and causing constant continuity errors. Nico was sure that all his takes were going to be completely useless because they mostly consisted of him getting distracted by something off camera or getting nervous by all the people watching him. Will, however, seemed totally within his element, making him wonder how many times Will had written scenes to be in public. Luckily, it was a short scene and Will, Nico and Kayla were done and back in the car within the hour.

Will looked at the crumpled pages which Nico assumed was a shot sheet. He ticked of a few sentences before putting the pages back in his pocket.

"We're done for today," he decided. "Ok, let's go home."

Nico decided he like regular Will a lot more than he liked Director Will. Director Will seemed a lot more stressed. He didn't know what to do with the "power" given to him, and, as a result, no one really knew what exactly they should be doing. Regular Will was a lot more confident. Nico thought that it was strange, but figured it must be something akin to stage fright.

Will dropped Kayla off at her house.

"See you in the morning."

She waved goodbye and then disappeared into her garage.

* * *

"What time is it?" Will asked as the two of them opened the door to Will's house.

"Around 8:30," Nico answered, checking his phone.

"Aw, shit," Will said. "I should have gave her dinner. Did we eat lunch?"

Nico shrugged.

Will kicked off his shoes.

"Ok, come here."

Nico followed Will into the kitchen. Will began to tear cabinets open, searching through them. Noticing the entire house was dark, Nico went around, turning on lights.

"Where is everyone?" he asked.

"Don't know. Don't care," Will replied. He sounded almost disgusted by his own words.

"Is something wrong?" Nico asked, moving closer so that he was in the kitchen too.

Will shook his head. It then disappeared behind behind the freezer door.

"My mom and dad aren't really getting along right now," Will's voice came from the freezer.

"Sorry," Nico offered, sitting down at the kitchen table.

Will's head reemerged from the freezer.

"It's not your fault," he said. He frowned, looking off to the side. There was nothing there. "Besides, it's not a new thing. What do you want to eat?"

It took a second for Nico to register that he'd been asked a question.

"Oh, no," he said. "I'm good."

Will frowned, his eyebrows creasing together. He took a step closer to Nico, and Nico unconsciously drew his arms closer to his chest. Will's face fell and he turned away.

"I'm going to make a pizza. Maybe you'll be hungry then."

"Thank you," Nico said. He knew he certainly wasn't going to be. He felt bad about it, but the idea of eating anything made his stomach flinch and twist away in rejection. He was so hungry, but it was like he had a roadblock lodged somewhere between his brain and mouth.

"Ok, it's going to be a while," Will said. "Mario Party?"

Nico couldn't help smiling and the next half an hour was enjoyable wasted.

"This is how you lose friends," Will commented the third time he beat Nico at a mini game.

"Is it?" Nico asked, uninterested.

Will grinned.

"That what I hear."

"Huh," Nico remarked. "Well, you can continue beating me. I have no hopes of surpassing you in an evening. Besides," he added. "I'm winning."

"How?" Will whined.

"Because I love money," Nico said. He gestured to the screen.

"That makes no sense!" Will protested. "You just happen to have a lot of money."

Nico squinted at the screen.

"Well, the game says intent doesn't matter and I'm still winning."

In the end Will did end up winning.

"You have minus one friend," Nico decided.

"I doubt it," Will said. He stood up and held his hand. Nico took it and felt the familiar rush of being pulled up by someone who hadn't quite mastered their own strength.

Nico had momentarily forgot about about the pizza, but soon found it facing him.

"I'm still not hungry," he said staring at the plate of food in front of him. "I mean, I appreciate it and everything but…" he trailed as Will sat down across from him.

"Nico."

"Yeah?"

"Shut up and eat."

"That's fair."

Nico glanced from his plate to Will back to the plate. He couldn't bring himself to pick up the piece of pizza, and so he wound up sitting motionless stupidly staring at the table. Nico knew he was the unreasonable one. Logically he knew what he should be doing, but, as always, Nico never was able to follow logic. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he just eat a meal without it being a power struggle. What was worse was that, as the guest, Nico felt extremely rude refusing form of hospitality. He felt like a bad person. It made even harder to something "nice" for himself. Hadn't Will convinced him to eat before? What was different this time?

"Nico," Will interupted Nico's internal monologue. "Please eat something."

Nico looked at him and for the first time, Will became an obstacle. His eyes were fixed on Nico's face. The intensity of it was uncomfortable.

Nico slowly lifted his hands, placing them on the table. He saw Will's eyes flick to them before coming back to rest on his face. Nico pushed the plate to the side and buried his head in his arms. He was done. He couldn't take the pressure anymore. Nico wanted to be anywhere other than here. He was away from home with no way of getting back. The emptiness of the house engulfed him and the darkness from the windows seeped into the house. It lay over him like a shroud. He felt so alone. He was unwanted. No matter where he went, he was always the problem.

Nico felt a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I upset you," Will said from somewhere above him. "I just want you to be a happy person."

Nico felt himself break. He was so tired, not just physically, but mentally exhausted. He'd been yelling at his own brain for so long. Nico had been fixated on the idea of minimizing himself so not to bother others. He tried to blend into the shadows so that others wouldn't have to look at him. He hadn't given any thought to the idea that others might be trying to make him happy. The very idea of him being "a happy person" was alien to him. The idea of a happy life made Nico lement all the years he had wasted. He wished for all the years he knew he was letting slip away from him. He felt like he'd been barred off from all the parts that made life worth living. How could he possible be a happy person?

Nico wasn't able to stop himself as tears quickly formed and fell from his eyes. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, every alarm he had went off, but he was unable from shutting them off. He felt his entire body start convulsing as his sobbing grew louder. It frustrated him he couldn't stop, which only made him cry harder. Nico felt his body half lifted out of his chair. His head was pried off of his arms, and he felt Will's arm surround him. Nico felt his chin on the top of his head. His face was pressed against Will's neck.

"It's ok," Will whispered into Nico's hair. "It's ok. It's ok."

"It's not!" Nico whimpered.

"Ok, it's not," Will agreed. "But it will be. You're going to be ok."

"No, I'm not. I'm broken. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not normal-"

Nico felt himself held closer.

"What's wrong with me?" he managed.

"You have depression," Will said, not missing a beat.

Nico pulled his head away from Will's neck and looked at him. Will was kneeling on the ground in front of him. Nico could feel his arms still resting on his shoulder blades. He sunk out of his chair so that he was sitting right in front of Will on the kitchen floor.

"You don't know that," he said, wiping his eye with the palm of his hand.

Will sighed. He unwrapped one of his arms from Nico. He seemed to stare at it for a few seconds before looking back at Nico. "I just know."

Nico followed his gaze. He'd never really noticed, but Will wore several woven bracelets all piled on top of each other. Nico wasn't sure if they were there during the self defense unit or not. He didn't see anyway of possibly taking them off.

"Can I?" Nico asked.

Will nodded.

Nico moved the bracelets as best he could. He felt, rather than saw the raised skin on Will's wrist.

"They're really light, but it's not the kind of thing I like advertizing," Will said.

Nico remembered Will texting him once about how he had once been suicidal, but he hadn't really given it much thought, apart from the initial conversation. It was different to see physical proof. It made Nico feel worse.

"I'm sorry," Nico began, but he wasn't sure what to say after.

"It's ok, but I'm trying to tell you you're not alone." Will ran his hand through his hair. "I'm not good at this. What I'm trying to say is: I want to help you."

"Why?"

Will shrugged. "Because I like you. I don't want to see you in pain."

Nico felt his face going red.

"Cute," Will remarked.

Nico's heart froze.

"You can see that?" he asked, panic stricken.

Will grinned.

"I'm sitting, like, two inches from you."

Nico wanted to jump backwards, but he didn't. He also didn't want to feel alone.

"Come on," Will said standing up. "Let's watch _Avatar_. I'm not going to force you to eat."

"Thank you."

"I am putting my foot down about water. You do need to drink something."

"Ok," Nico said. "Water is fine."

* * *

Will set up the movie on the television in the living room. Nico went back around and turned all the lights off.

"We're not going to be able to see anything in the dark," Will complained as he sat down on the couch.

"We will cross that bridge when we come to it," Nico said, sitting down next to him. A couple minutes passed. Nico looked over at Will. There was no way he was going to look worse than he already did.

Nico closed his eyes tightly.

"Can I sit closer to you?"

He opened his eyes and waited nervously.

"Of course."

Will reached out his arms and drew Nico close to his chest. He rested his chin on top of Nico's head. Nico, who had literally meant "I want to sit next to you", caught his breath, making a small noise somewhere in the back of his throat.

"You ok?" Will asked.

Nico thought about it for a second.

"Yeah," he decided.

He would deal will any and all repercussions tomorrow. Right now, Nico just wanted to feel wanted. He could hear Will's heatbeat. He felt warmer than he had in months. He felt Will shift above him.

"Hey, this is pretty gay," Will whispered in his ear.

"I'm always pretty gay," Nico said. He exhaled loudly and put his face in hands. "What am I saying? What the hell's wrong with me. Mercy kill me, please."

Will laughed quietly and put his chin back on Nico's head.

"No."

Nico lost track of the plot of _Avatar_. It was so long, and he'd missed most of the beginning. He instead focused his attention on Will's heartbeat. The steady rhythm calmed him. Nico felt himself drifting off. He was on the edge of pulling himself back to consciousness, but he didn't. There wasn't going to a better way of falling asleep.


	16. Fallen Wings

**AN: Damn, I fell off the face of the earth for a while there. Finals are a right bitch and the weekend right after I was at CADcon; and, like an idiot, I left my cosplay to the month before. But I'm on break now, so all this has to compete with is some voice acting and DMing. Haha, I know you're just here for the story, so here it is. I'll try to get another chapter out as a Christmas gift, but no promises.**

The first thing Nico realized was he wasn't at home. He opened his eyes slowly and found himself staring at Will's TV screen. It had been turned off and now was reflecting rays of sunshine from the open window. The next thing he noticed were the pair of arms resting loosely in his lap that definitely weren't his. Nico tried to turn his head, but it knocked into Will's chest. Twisting his head up, Nico managed to look at his face. Will was still sitting exactly where he had been last night, his head tilted slightly against the back of the couch. Nico blinked and stared at him for a few seconds before the events of last night came rushing back to him.

He jumped to his feet and took a few steps away, the way he would from a poisonous snake. Nico looked around the room, but he didn't see anyone. In fact, everything was exactly as it had been last night, almost like no one had come home that night. He refocused his eyes back to Will. This was bad, Nico wasn't sure how he could possibly spin the situation into anything other than "So, I really like you, and I have a huge crush on you. Date me, please.".

Will, jolted by the sudden movement, opened his eyes slowly. He rubbed one of his eyes with the palm of his hand before noticing Nico.

"Oh, hey," he said, stretching his arms. Nico could hear the joints popping. "You been up long?"

"No. I just woke up."

Will yawned and swung his legs up onto the couch. He seemed in no hurry to actually get up.

"What time is it?"

Nico shrugged.

Will fumbled around looking for his phone. He found it it on the table next to him. He pulled a face as the brightness from the screen shone into his eyes.

"9:45."

Will threw his phone back down. It landed on the floor and bounced on the carpet before landing off to the side.

"Shouldn't we get Kayla?" Nico asked.

Will covered his eyes with his hand and nodded.

"Soon."

"Ok...so, I'll get dressed-"

"Wait," Will interupted. Nico, who had taken a few steps towards the door stopped and turned to face him. Will swung his legs back to the floor and stood up. "We have to talk."

Nico felt a pulse of nervous energy shoot through his body. It felt like he'd been electrocuted. He the floor seemed to drop out from him for a second.

"About?" he asked in what he hoped was a calm even tone. He really hoped it wasn't going to be anything about their "relationship". Nico didn't think he could handle being rejected, especially he was stuck at Will's house for the project all day.

"About last night," Will answered. "Have you considered seeing someone about your depression?" Nico felt felt a wave of relief wash over him. "Because I don't mind talking to you," Will rambled on. "But I'm not really a professional. I'd hate to make the situation worse. Besides, it's not really healthy for you to, um, take me so seriously. I mean, I'm your friend. And you know, I'm good with listening to you and everything, but I don't know what I'm doing."

"No," Nico said flatly.

Will raised his eyebrows.

"No?"

"No, I haven't considered seeing anyone."

Will exhaled sharply. He seemed slightly taken aback.

"Well, would you consider it now?"

"No."

Will frowned.

"Why not?"

"Talk to a total stranger about my feelings," Nico said. "Does that sound like me?"

"But it could help you," Will decided. He took a step closer to Nico. Nico took one back. Will noticed it, and his face fell.

"Sorry," Nico said.

Will just glared at him.

There was a long silence.

"Nico," Will began.

There was another long silence. Nico studied his face. Will's eyes were downcast. He looked like he was struggling with himself.

"When was the last time you hurt yourself?"

Nico shook his head violently from side to side.

"No," he said taking another step back.

Will looked up.

"No, you won't tell me?"

"No, I won't tell you," Nico agreed.

Will looked thoroughly annoyed. He sighed and brushed past Nico.

"I'm going to get Kayla," he said. "We have a lot of filming to do today."

The door slammed behind him, leaving Nico alone.

* * *

Will's words, followed Nico, haunting him. No matter how hard he tried, Nico couldn't get to stop bouncing around inside of his head. Will hadn't said anything else to Nico other than direction for the project. Nico knew it was his fault, that he shouldn't expect Will to be nice to him, especially when he wasn't making any effort to do the same, but he couldn't help but feel frustrated with him. It was Monday, and Nico was back in school. He hoped he would have something else to focus on, but his thoughts kept coming back to Will.

Halfway through his art class, Nico had reached his breaking point. He pushed his chair back and stood up from his seat. There was an art cabinet in the back of the room all students were able access for any project. Nico opened the doors and looked through the boxes. Graphite, erasers, brush pens, pallets. Nico shoved them all off to the side. There had to be something sharp in here. After a few seconds, he came across a box labeled "compasses". They were little triangle shaped tools designed for drawing perfect circles. One side had pencil holder screwed onto it for drawing the lines. The other end was a sharp, pointed tip to keep the paper in place. That side looked like a mini javelin. Nico put his finger to the tip and felt a familiar sharp pressure press into his skin. Nico took the compass back to his table slipped it into his backpack during the confusion of the bell.

He walked past the library, trying to ignore the jostling on all sides from the kids around him. He found his feet were unconsciously carrying him to the lunch room. He immediately stopped, digging the soles of his feet into the carpeted floor. Nico didn't want to see Will today. He didn't want to see anyone. Glancing around, he spotted the bathroom sign.

Nico's bag hit the ground as soon as he closed the stall door.

He backed up as much as he could and stood staring at the door in front of him. Nico tried to steady his breathing as he waited for the rest of the boys to leave, but he could feel his heart beat faster the longer he stood still. The seconds passed slowly. Nico was sure any minute someone would come pounding on the door.

Eventually, the room quieted. The only sound were the fluorescent lights humming overhead.

Nico's eyes closed, and only then, did he allow a sigh to escape his lips.

He hung his aviator jacket over the top of the stall.

Reaching into his backpack, his fingers closed around the compass.

Nico brought it up to eye level. There wasn't an edge, only a point.

Nico tried running it along the back of his hand, but he only felt an annoying rubbing sensation. He was going to have to stab himself.

Nico rolled up his pants leg. He looked down, the compass held loosely in his hand. He blinked a few times, trying to clear his head.

" _Stop thinking"_

Nico let his mind go. He swung the the point of the compass into the leg, just below his kneecap. His leg involuntarily jerked back, stiffening. The compass jerked back with it, stuck in the skin.

Nico let go of it and stated as it hung there. It didn't hurt. There was no blood. All the toxic thoughts in his head were immediately replaced with a mild curiosity. Nico extended a finger and lightly touched the handle of the compass. A sharp pain immediately jolted through his body.

Nico gasped, putting his hand on the wall to steady him.

He looked back down.

The compass was still there.

What was he going to do? He couldn't just walk around with it stuck in him.

Nico was more frustrated than he had been before the end of art class. He looked around hoping for something that could help him, but there was nothing. He considered the idea of going to the nurse. No, she would ask too many questions. There was nothing for it, Nico decided. He was just going to have to remove it himself.

He extended his fingers again. His leg twitched as they closed around the handle of the compass, and he winced with the pain. Nico looked down at the compass and steadied himself. He gave himself a mental countdown.

"Three."

"Two."

He paused. He could feel his heart race, and he got a rush of excitement.

"One."

With a yank, the compass was jerked from his leg and clattered to the floor. Nico gasped with the sudden wave of pain. Blood poured from the wound and began racing down his leg. It pooled on the floor for a few seconds while Nico regained his breath. He began to try to mop up the blood, but no matter how much he wiped it away, the more blood there seemed to be. Nico fingers came away stained red.

Nico felt a kind of panic. What if the blood never stopped? What was he going to do? He had class in a few minutes. How was he going to stop the bleeding before then? Why had he decided to hurt such an obvious place on his body? What were people going to say when they noticed.

He sunk down and waited for the blood to stop running. Nico watched it making its way to the ground. It was a lot darker than what he was used to. He looked at the hole left in his skin. It was very small and perfectly round. It looked like part of him was just gone.

Nico leaned his head back against the wall. It was oddly calming. He could feel his knee getting hot as the blood rushed to fix the damage done to it. The throbbing was slow and rhythmic and over time it lessened so it wasn't so painful. If he closed his eyes, it was very relaxing.

Eventually, the blood slowed. Nico tried to clean it up. But it left rusty streaks on his skin. He tried rubbing them away, and only succeed on staining his fingers farther. He gave up and washed his hands. Noticing how well it worked, he also washed his knee. A tiny pinprick of red appeared on his skin, but didn't seem to grow any larger.

It would have to do.

* * *

"Where were you?" Will asked as Nico joined him in gym class.

Nico knocked into the wall too hard, causing im to bounce slightly as he slid down the wall to join Will.

He shrugged.

"Hey, I wasn't trying to make you mad at me."

"That's ok."

Will frowned and he drew his arms closer to him.

"I was just worried, you know?"

Nico nodded.

"Yeah, I should start eating more."

It wasn't really something he planned on doing. It was the kind of promise you break two days into committing to it. But upon hearing it, Will perked up.

"Yes," he agreed. "Every day."

" _Every_ day? You want me to bring food with me _every_ day?"

Will huffed slightly.

"Yeah, that's normal, man."

"I think your "normal"" Nico made finger quotes around the word. "Is slightly different than my normal." he paused and, seeing the disappointed look on Will's face, added. "But I suppose I can try. I don't know, you can punch me if I don't bring anything."

"I'm not punching you. You'd break."

"I have you know, I am very strong," Nico scoffed.

Will rolled his eyes.

"I'm sure. Now, we really need to work on this," He pointed towards the laptop he ha put down when Nico walked in.

"Yeah, how far are we?" Nico asked.

Will picked the laptop back up.

"Not bad, we've got all the research done. The paper is mostly done-"

"It is not," Nico inturped.

Will waved him off.

"We'll just make all the periods a bigger font. And the power point is" he checked. "Not even started."

"We did number the slides," Nico commented. "Although I suppose presenting thirty slide of nothing won't count. I can't believe this is all getting assigned for gym," he added.

There was very little talking after that.

As soon as the bell rang, the two headed off down the hallway.

"Do you want to do something this weekend?" Will asked cutting Nico off.

Nico, who had be animatedly trying to explain his latest project in Horticulture, paused for a second before asking "Like what?"

Will shrugged.

"Just anything."

"What about your film project?"

Will shook his head, and adjusted his backpack on his shoulders.

"Kayla's busy. She can't make it this weekend."

Nico thought about it. He did have his finals, but honestly,he wasn't going to study for them.

"Ok," he decided.

Will seemed relieved. He let out a loud puff of air and his step grew noticeably lighter.

"Awesome," he said smiling. Nico shot his a questioning look. Will had grown almost giddy to the point of concern.

"What?" Nico asked.

"What?"

"You?" Nico asked, gesturing to Will. "What?"

Nico hoped Will was going to be able to understand him. Will dropped the smile and returned to a more subdued posture. Apparently he did.

"The hell was that about?" Nico asked.

"Nothing," Will said, casually.

"No, really."

Will sighed.

"Whatever. I don't like to think of you alone all weekend."

Nico felt his face break into a grin.

"Are you pulling me out on days you think are worse for me?"

There was a pause while Will suddenly found his pockets very interesting.

"Maybe."

Nico laughed.

He felt annoyed because he didn't like Will running his schedule to such a degree. Like he was monitoring him just in case he could do something about it, but more than that, he felt an extreme wave of gratitude wash of him. That Nico hadn't really realized Will might obsess over his life to the same degree he did. Nico hadn't given much thought to that Will really liked him anywhere as near as he did. The idea that Will was trying to help him by simple removing him, was funny to Nico. It felt like the exact kind of thing he would do. It was a touching gesture that he was willing to go that far in order to make Nico feel better.

With that came the sadness Nico had come accustomed to when thinking about Will. The more time he spent with him, the more distant he felt he became. Will's flat out refusal to say anything relating to what Nico knew must be painfully obvious affections towards him, bothered Nico. He couldn't figure out if Will was choosing to ignore it because he didn't want to discuss it at all, or because he genuinely hadn't figured Nico out yet. Nico wasn't about to ruin months of trying to cover his crush up by suddenly bringing it up. It was terrible, Nico decided, because he still wanted to be Will's friend too. The more he tried, the harder and harder it was becoming to just be friends with someone he liked to so much.

"Thank you," he said. The words seemed to hold more meaning than Nico could remember them having in years.


	17. More Rain

**AN: It's been such a long time, so I'm sorry this chapter is a bit shorter than normal. I'm not really too happy with how it turned out, but I want to give you guys something. The next one will (hopefully) be much longer. We've got some interesting stuff to get to next time.**

Nico couldn't stay awake. As soon as he got home, he went straight to his room. He threw his backpack on the floor. He sat down on the bed and looked at his "at home" sketch book. It was covered in a thin layer of dust. Nico picked it up, and his hands became dusted too. He flipped through the pages for a few seconds, wanting to draw, but he put the book back down.

He laid back and stared at the wall. He was so tired. The world spun when he closed his eyes. It felt like all he ever did was sleep anymore. It frustrated Nico so badly, but he could never get enough sleep to feel rested. More and more frequently, as soon as he got home, he would fall asleep and he wouldn't get up for the next day. He had dark circles under his eyes that refused to go away. He wondered if he was getting sick.

He glanced over at his backpack. There were only three weeks of school counting this one. He was so close, but with the end of the year came all the end of year tests. And finals. School had become more and more of a prison than it ever had before. Some teachers had given up and started force feeding their students "study guides" (which were really just the test with slightly different questions) rather than teach for the last few weeks. Even Coach Hedge had somewhat fallen prey to this, giving all his students a twenty page review packet. Nico had never seen him with so much paper.

His mind jumped from topic to topic, unable to focus on any one thing longer for a few minutes. Besides, he decided, nothing was going to stick in his head when he was this tired. He would just close his eyes for am hour, he told himself. Then he would get up. He would study, eat dinner, and then clean his dusty room. All he needed was an hour.

He woke up the next morning.

* * *

"Hey," Rachel said, sitting down next to him.

It was time to start over. Time for him to wipe his mind blank, and force himself to act normal. It was so much effort, but for the good of everyone, Nico knew it was better to try.

"Hey, what's up?"

She shrugged.

"Nothing. Studied for finals all night."

Nico groaned exaggeratedly and leaned his head against the window.

"Don't remind me," he whined.

Rachel laughed, tossing her long mane of red hair behind her. He jacket rustled as she moved.

"I know, right?"

She paused.

"So," she began.

Nico didn't respond. He elected to stare out the window. The the ground was covered in new flowers, dotting the grass with yellow dandelions. They blurred past in the early morning light.

"What about you?" Rachel asked.

"I'm good," Nico said. "Just busy."

"With what?"

"Will's doing this project," Nico began. "It for his final. We should be done with it soon, but not this weekend." Nico put his hand to his head as he spoke and ruffled his hair, trying to make it look less like he'd just rolled out of bed. It only looked worse.

"Because of prom?" Rachel asked.

Nico shot her a questioning look.

"What?"

"Prom's this weekend."

"No, he wants me to do something with him," Nico said, his brain not quite caught up.

Rachel rolled her eyes.

"Is it prom, Nico?" Her tone was patient, yet instant.

"No, he hasn't told-oh God," Nico caught himself. No wonder Will had seemed so strange when he had asked him to hang out with him. Nico felt his heart beat faster in his chest. No, he told himself. He was seeing what he wanted to. Will wasn't asking him to prom; he had probably forgotten what day it was on.

"What?" Rachel asked.

Nico blinked and turned to look a her. There was concern in her big green eyes.

"Nothing," he said.

She frowned.

"I know what you're thinking," she said quietly.

"You do not-" Nico started indignantly, but he was cut off.

"Would you have said yes?"

Nico's body froze. Only his eyes flicked to look at Rachel. He glared at her for a few seconds.

"Yes."

It was quiet, almost inaudible, over the sound of the bus, but Nico knew that Rachel had understood. He could hear Rachel moving, but his eyes were firmly fixed on the hands in his lap. He heard her say something about about how cute he was and began to ramble on. He rolled his eyes. She didn't seem to notice.

"Ok, stop," he finally cut her off.

Rachel leaned back against the seat.

"Ok," she said. "It's just-I, um, I'm happy for you. You always seem so sad."

"Please don't tell him."

"Why not?"

Her face fell.

Nico threw up his hands, making them exaggerated shrug.

"I don't know."

"But-"

"Rachel, please."

* * *

"Nico!"

Nico looked up from the laptop. Jason was waving to him from across the gym.

"What does he want?" Will asked.

"Don't know," Nico said. He watched Jason take a few steps towards him before standing up and meeting him halfway across the floor.

"Hey, what's up?" Jason asked as soon Nico was within comfortable speaking distance.

"I'm working on the gym project," Nico said pointing behind him towards where Will sat with the laptop.

Jason nodded.

"Cool. Hey, Percy told me he ran into you a few weeks back."

"Yeah," Nico said, not sure where this conversation was going.

"Anyway, we, well, it's really his idea, but I'm cool with it," Jason paused, seemingly like he had momentairty lost his train of thought. "We thought that we could all hand out or something this weekend. Piper and Percy's girlfriend are going out and getting their hair done or something."

"You want me and you to go get our hair done?" Nico asked.

"What, no!" Jason put a hand to his head. He let out an exasperated sigh. "Just, like, hanging out at Percy's."

"Alright," Nico decided, wondering how he had become so increasingly popular in the last few days.

"We'll be done before prom," Jason explained. "Because we're all going. You could come hang out with us too."

"I'm not going."

"Oh," Jason adjusted his glasses for a second. "Yeah, that make sense. Not really big on parties?"

"What was that all about?" Will asked when Nico had sat back down.

"He wants to hang out," Nico said, still a bit unsure what had happened.

Will frowned.

"Weird."

"Yeah," Nico agreed. "But we're still on...if you still want."

Will didn't seem to notice.

"Um," Nico paused. "Do you know what you wanted to do?"

"Shhh. It's a surprise."

* * *

The Saturday prom was held on turned out to be a beautiful day. The grass was bright green and reflected the sunlight streaming through the big, puffy clouds lazily floating in the sky. It was unusually warm and Nico found himself shedding his aviator jacket for the first time in months. He looked at his pale arms and wondered if they had actually turned a different skin tone over the winter.

Nico planned to walk to Percy's house since his dad wasn't home. Nico knew he technically didn't have work on the weekends, but he often stayed there anyway preparing for the next week. He had long since lost the notion that his dad actually wanted to spend any time at home anymore. Nico knew that everything reminded him of his mom and sister. Hades di Angelo had repainted or refinished every room in the house after his wife's death, but he had never been able to move somewhere else, leaving Nico stuck as well. Nico was sure he was also a constant reminder of the family they used to have.

It wasn't fair to Hazel especially. For someone who had no connection to the event that defined so much of the family life, she must be left feeling even more isolated from her dad than Nico did.

Nico tried to clear his head as he walked the few blocks to Percy's house. It was kind of funny, Nico decided, that even though they only lived a few blocks away from each other, neither one had ever been to the others house.

As soon as he knocked on the door, Nico heard a loud thumping noise on the other side. It sounded like someone had knocked something over in a haste to get to the door. Nico thought he heard Jason's voice from inside before the door was opened. To his surprise, it wasn't Percy, or even Jason on the other side of the door looking at Nico.

A young boy peered at Nico with huge brown eyes.

"Um, hello," Nico started. He didn't know what to say to little kids.

The boy smiled.

"Percy's inside," he said. When he talked, Nico could see that several of his teeth were missing. Before Nico could say anything more, the door was opened wider and Percy was standing next to the kid.

"Hey, Nico," Percy said, putting his hand on the kid's head. "This is my brother, Tyson. And Jason's inside."

"Hi."

He stepped into the house. Maybe he would have a good time afterall.

As soon as he closed the door, Nico heard thunder.

* * *

Hours later, the rain was still coming down in sheets.

It fell down the windshield, tinted red by the stoplight that shone in the darkness. The windshield wipers brushed the tiny droplets away. Will was singing along with the radio, but Nico couldn't bring himself to stop staring at his own hands.

"… _what a beautiful wedding_ …" Will sang as the car stopped at a red light. Nico could tell that he must have had years of training, but right now his voice sounded almost ordinary.

"… _what a shame the poor groom's bride is a whore!"_ Will kept on, turning to face Nico so he's yell the last word in his face, but Nico's face was turned, titled down.

Will's smile faded and he turned down the radio to a manageable level.

"Nico, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Will scowled. "Usually when I turn around and yell "whore" at you, you give me some stupid expression."

"Well, I'm sorry my face isn't entertaining enough for you."

"Seriously. What's wrong?"

" _Nothing,"_ Nico said. He could feel his tone getting harsher and harsher. He wasn't going to talk about his personal problems, so he was going to cut off conversation before it started. "Nothing's _ever_ wrong."

"You can't just say nothing," Will said back, his voice sharp.

"Well it is nothing!" Nico spat back. "The light's green," he added.

"Right."

The two of them continued in silence until they got to Nico's house.

"Well," Will said stopping in the driveway and setting the car in park. "Goodbye."

Nico felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Wait," he said, as if glued to his seat. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

"Ok."

Nico knew it wasn't really ok though. He knew he was fracturing his life slowly apart. He wasn't sure how to end the conversation, but he knew he didn't want to leave without trying to fix it.

"Thanks for taking me to prom."

It was a terrible attempt.

"Yeah."

"Sorry."

"Get out."

"Will-"

"No, just get out."


	18. To Look into the Sun

AN: People have been asking how much of this, if any, is based on my life. Some scenes and story beats are based on things that happened to me or people I knew in high school. Writers in general, I feel, pull from experience and dramatize it. However, this is fiction, and a lot of what I write is for these characters. Rick Riordan obviously gave these guys their characterization, not me, so I just try to roll with it.

Nico's door slammed so hard it bounced open. He stalked over to his avior jacket and pulled it back on, feeling the familiar weight surround him. It was itchy. Nico tore it off again and it landed in a pile on the floor.

He sunk down the wall next to it. Nico's arms grasped at his shoulders tightly. Sobs wracked his body. The sobs turned to gasping as he began to run out of air. His head grew light, and Nico began to see dark spot fliker on the edges of his vision. He couldn't stop. He turned his head inward, closing his eyes.

Blackness surrounded him. He wore it, he saw it, he breathed it, and he was it.

Nico felt himself so violently, his arms snapped away and he accidentally elbowed himself in the side.

"Ah."

Nico opened his eyes. His eyes darted around the room. The dark outlines of his bed and desk loomed over him.

"I'm stuck," he whispered to the air.

He sprang to his feet. As he did, he kicked over his trash can. Litter exploded in a flurry of paper. The scraps fluttered like tiny moth wings and settled in glimmering piles, drawing moonlight to them.

Nico began to pace the room. Art supplies crushed under his shoes. The sharp crack of his pencils echoed in the room. The sound make Nico snap his head up. His feet kept moving.

His hands instinctively went through his hair, pushing it off of his face. He was being suffocated. The air was stale, hot. How could he think in this place?

Nico grabbed his jacket.

It was still drizzling as Nico shut his front door.

The fresh air hit him in the face, forcing him to take a breath of the clean, rain filled air. He hurried off of his front lawn and off down the street.

Nico wasn't sure where he was headed. He couldn't help a laugh escape his lips. It was a thin, slightly unhinged sound: fleeting for a moment, before the street grew silent again.

Nico felt strangely alive. It felt so good to be away from home. Away from everyone. He was the only one on the street. There was no one to give him suspicious stares, or pitying looks.

His way was light well enough by streetlights, and Nico found himself soon at the local park. It wasn't a park in the playground sense. There was a small lake and gravel path through grass and prairie plants. A footbridge crossed the thinnest park of the lake, so that goers-by could easily cross from side to side.

Nico crossed to the bridge and sat down by the edge of the lake on a large rock. His face reflected up at him, distorted by the streetlights. His eye were sunken into his face, the shadows dramatic, the lights gave his face a bluish tinge.

Nico studied the pale face on the water, wishing it could say something back to him.

"I can't keep doing this."

Silence.

"I'm just doing the same things over and over again."

Nico was fully aware he was taking to his reflection in the dead of night.

"I never get any better. Nothing ever changes."

It was as all of his thoughts couldn't say contained in his head anymore.

"I'm so sick of myself. I'm done looking for someone else's pity. I'm done with being a burden on Dad."

Nico's voice was shaky.

He was the last remnant of an old life. He was a constant reminder of what his dad's life could have been. He was the last part of the house his dad couldn't paint over. Hazel was new, exciting. She was the daughter his dad wanted. Together, they could restart.

"I'm not going back to school."

Mr. Brunner's face flashed briefly in Nico's mind. Would he notice if Nico never showed up to his class again?

"I can't do this anymore. I'm done. I'm opting out! I refuse! I am not going to live miserable!"

Nico was on his feet shouting.

His words were swallowed by the darkness.

Nico moved to the footbridge and rested his arms on the railing. He could make out the street in the distance. It was empty now, apart from the occasional car.

Had he and Will really traveled down that same rode a few hours ago?

Will had knocked on Percy's door, asking what the big idea was? Why did his friend suddenly move houses when he wanted to do something?

Jason had awkwardly wished Nico luck before he left. Confused, Nico had thanked him. It wasn't until he was well on the rode, did Nico remember that Jason was Thalia's brother. He put two and two together. It made him wonder how much Jason knew about him.

Upon nearing their destination, Will insisted Nico close his eyes. It was so cool, but it was a surprise. He would only be spoiling things for himself.

Nico opened his eyes. It was a huge, golden field. A wooden building sat snuggly tucked into the slender trees on either side.

Go, Will had urged him. He should open the door.

Nico opened the door. It wasn't a building. It was open on one side, leading into the field. At the end of the field were brightly painted targets. It was an archery range.

Will had entered with a guard strapped to his forearm and a bow in his hand.

It was a compound bow, Will had started to explain, before he was interrupted, by a jumbled mess of questions, admiration, and surprise.

Will had taken up archery years ago, and he was extremely good at it. Good enough to compete, but that would take the fun out of it, he explained.

After showing Nico how to do it correctly, he urged him to try it himself.

I'm awful at this, Nico had exclaimed after missing the target several times. I'm going to break your arrows.

Will had laughed, and said his arrows were always getting broken and lost anyway.

The wind picked up, tossing Nico's hair into his eyes as he tried to aim. It had gotten long enough to tie back, and he found himself much more focused as soon as it wasn't in his face anymore. Will had laughed and told him to get a haircut.

The temperature dropped, and thunder persisted, but rain never came. It was if it was skirting around the edges of the range, unable to actually fall.

Will's hands had guided Nico's trying, in vain, to get him to hit the target. Nico's skin had prickeled at the touch.

They spend hours at the range. Nico finally managed to hit the target a few times, once in the red. Three arrows were lost forever in the long grass.

As night fell, So did the light rain. Will had wanted to stay. He brought out three more arrows. He clicked a button on them, and they light up like Christmas lights. Streaks of orange light whizzed through the air, easy to make out from from far away.

The rain picked up, forcing Will and Nico back into the car, both thoroughly soaked.

Nico had smiled, laughed and shook his head, causing Will to protest loudly.

Will turned on the radio on since his phone had long since gone dead. As he began to sing along, Nico had realized he was heading back home.

Almost immediately he sobered.

Will noticed.

And now the evening was wasted because Nico had lashed out.

All good memories, spoiled by his inability to act normally.

"I'm sorry," Nico said to no one. "I want this to be my last apology. Why am I always the one saying "sorry"? I haven't messed up that much, have I? Maybe I have. Probably."

Nico shook his head in disgust. None of that mattered. He'd made up his mind. Soon it wouldn't matter what he'd done. The very idea of it, made him feel giddy. His stomach started turning itself over and over. It physically hurt, but it was really exciting as well. Nico felt energy rush into him.

He hadn't felt this good in months, probably. His head was clear. His mind able to think. His body strong. A little nauseous. That was fine. He could deal with it.

The only question was, Nico thought as he stood on the footbridge, was how to do it.

Nico looked at the railing. Then down the street. It was faint, very far away, but he could make it out against the sky.

The bridge stood a few feet away from the highway, but not quite on it. It was probably tall enough Nico thought.

It was fitting, Nico decided. He'd either grow angel wings or die trying.

He crossed the footbridge and set off towards the highway. He had gone a block before he caught himself.

What was he doing?

He couldn't leave without saying goodbye to Will first. He deserved at least that after doing such a good job of putting up with Nico for this year.

Nico sighed and turned around. He would go to school. He would say goodbye. Then, instead of going home he would go to the bridge and…fly.

* * *

His eyes scanned the lunchroom, looking for Will. Nico had made sure he was the first at the lunch table. His fingers twisted around his skull ring, as he waited. He hadn't been able to sleep very much, but he still felt remarkably rested.

The rest of the students filtered in, and eventually, Will amergerd.

"Hey, man," he said sitting down. "Aw, you don't have anything."

Nico, who didn't feel hungry at all, looked around a second, as if searching for a phantom lunch box.

"Oh, yeah," he shrugged. "Well, I guess you can punch me then."

He grinned broadly.

Will's eyebrows knitted together.

"Nico. Are you doing ok?"

"Yeah."

"You're just," Will paused and cocked his head. "Really happy."

"There's nothing wrong with being happy," Nico replied.

"You right," Will decided. "Hey you think you can let me get some of that happiness? The calculus final is going to fucking kill me."

Nico smiled. It was really great not having to worry about finals.

"I legit think I'm going to die," Will continued. "This is on top of the ACT."

Kayla and Austin arrived, and Nico joined the two in conversation.

It wasn't until lunch was almost over that Nico finally worked up the courage to do what he'd come to school that day to do.

"Here," he said, slipping his skull ring off of his finger. He held it up to Will. "Take it."

He shook his head.

"Absolutely not."

Nico's face fell.

"But I want you to have it."

"I can't take your sister's ring," Will explained. "Even if you don't think so now, that shit's important."

"No!" Nico insisted.

He took Will hand, and pressed the ring into it.

"I want _you_ to have it."

"Why?"

Nico shrugged.

"Because I do."

Will tried to give the ring back, but Nico promptly hid his hands in his pockets.

"Please," Nico insisted. "Please, take it."

Will's eyes seemed very focused on Nico's face. His gaze shifted to the ring. His brow was furrowed. After what felt like forever, his hand closed around the ring and he slipped it into his pocket.

"Ok," he said. His voice sounded strained, like there was some sort of emotion he was trying very hard to restrain. "I'll keep it for now."

"Thank you."

"Yeah," Will said. He began to pack his bag. "I need to film tonight. We need to do downtown today, we should leave right from school. Send your dad a text. I'll drop you off when we're done."

Nico's heart dropped.

But then he looked at Will's face. He cursed himself internally. Why did he give in so easily for that stupid face.

"Ok," Nico agreed, but all the energy had left his words. His good mood dissipated, like early morning mist. The numbness crept back into him, filling every crack. He suddenly felt tired.

Will, on the other hand, immediately seemed to cheer up. His face softened, and he seemed to physically relax.

"Awesome."

Will reached out and hugged him briefly.

"I'll see you later."

"Yeah," Nico echoed hollowly, "later."

* * *

As Nico watched out the window of Will's car after school, he couldn't help himself.

"You think I'd die if I fell off that bridge?" Nico asked as he Will, and Kayla passed under it.

"That's not really something to joke about," Kayla said.

She was sitting in the back of the car with the camera. Her arms were crossed and she scowled at the floor.

"It's just a question."

Kayla exhaled sharply through her nose.

"I don't want to think about it. Isn't it scary to you?"

Nico shrugged.

"Sorry. I just-"

"Yes," Will cut him off.

"What?"

"I think you'd definitely die."

Nico turned his head to look at him. Will's eyes were focused on the rode. He hands gripped the steering wheel tightly. Nico moved slightly, trying to catch his attention. But Will didn't look at him.

"Stop!" Kayla complained. "Let's talk about something else."

* * *

The car felt very empty. Any sort of warmth had left with Kayla. Will was still refusing to look at him. He pulled the car into Nico's driveway.

"Thanks," Nico said, reaching for the door.

"Wait."

He left go of the handle.

"What's up?" Nico asked.

"I don't know," Will said. "I was going to ask you."

He finally turned and looked at Nico. His blue eye searched over his face. Did he know?

"You're just," Will paused. His hand gestured as if it could somehow conjure the words he was searching for. "Off."

"I'm fine," Nico reassured. "I really am."

Will shook his head slightly and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I don't know. I have this weird feeling."

"What does it say?"

Will sighed.

"I'm not sure."

"Well, it's not a very good reason to be worried then, is it?"

"Yeah, I know."

"Hey, it's ok. I'm not going anywhere."

Nico reached out his hand, but stopped, not sure where he was supposed to put it. Will noticed and took hold of it.

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yes," Nico said. He let a hint of impatience slip into his voice.

Will's hand tightened on Nico's.

"Promise me."

He knew.

Internally, Nico was beginning to fall apart. Alarms were going off in his head, and his heart was beating so loudly it was impossible to focus on anything else. It felt like it was in the back of his throat, trying to claw its way out.

"I'll be there."

Will let him go.

Nico went to bed. It was fine, he thought as he pulled the covers over him. He could make Will happy for a day. He'd just walk over tomorrow. He'd be closer that way: he wouldn't have to do as much walking. Will might think he was helping, but he'd give up eventually. Everything was still on track.

* * *

Everything fell off the track the next morning.

Nico was in Horticulture, when there was a knock on the door.

Mr. Brunner wheeled over and opened it. He class erupted into chatter as soon as the door closed behind him. Nico rolled his eyes, at his classmates behavior and continued to draw on the pages of "notes" he was taking.

Mr. Brunner was approaching him.

"They need you down in the guidance counselor," Mr Brunner said.

It was ifa rug had been pulled from under Nico's feet. He knew exactly what had happened, and sure enough, he found exactly who he expected sitting outside of the office.

"What did you do?" he snarled.

Will Solace had turned him in.


	19. Prince of Hearts

"After I went home, I did some research-" Will started.

"You don't trust me?!"

Nico was outraged. He'd done everything Will had asked of him. He'd put off his plans. He'd come to school today, when he really didn't want to.

"You have, like, half of the warning signs of suicide."

Nico eyes narrowed.

"Stop."

His voice was deadly calm.

No matter how much Nico liked him, he didn't want to talk to him about that. Suicidal ideation was something deeply personal to him. Nico hid it from everyone, even himself, by dressing it up in flowery language, or simply alluding to it in his head. But it didn't matter how it was phased, at the end of the day, it was him killing himself.

If he were to pause and think about it, Nico knew he would be horrified. Not because of what he wanted to do, but because he wanted to do it to himself. I scared him that he'd gotten to a point where he even saw it as an option, let alone his only one.

Hearing Will say "suicide" out loud made Nico feel like he'd touched on something far too personal for him. He felt exposed, as if his soul had been ripped from his body and shown off for everyone to see.

"I'm just trying to he-"

Nico snapped.

He was screaming some mix of English and Italian, but even he didn't recognize his own words.

Will reached out and grabbed hold of his wrist.

"Calm down!"

Nico twisted out of his grasp easily. All that self defense had better be good for something. He backed up, eyes darting around the hallway. Maybe he could get out somehow.

Mrs. Kerr, the perky, blonde administration staff lady, rushed out of the office. She almost walked into Will and had to grab the wall to stop her from sending the two of them to the floor.

"Mr. di Angelo."

Nico shifted his glare to her.

"Keep your voice to an appropriate volume. Yelling will not be tolerated."

There was nothing he wanted more than to leave. Nico wished he could disappear into the shadows.

Mrs. Kerr seemed to have steadied herself and walked forward.

"Sit down."

Nico couldn't bring himself to yell at, or be anything other than moderately respectful, towards a teacher, as much as he might like not to.

He and Will wound up sitting on the bench, as far away from each other as possible, outside of the guidance counselor's office.

"I wonder what's taking them so long," Will wondered, breaking the silence after a few seconds.

Nico remained silent. He remained staring fixedly at the point of the wall directly in front of him.

"Mrs. Kerr will be back soon, I'm sure, but still…" he trailed off.

Nico wasn't going to dignify the small talk with a response

Will looked around him and, after a second, clicked his tongue a few times.

He really could be quite annoying, Nico thought, still refusing to acknowledge him.

"Hey, talk to me...in English," Will added, quickly on the end, as an afterthought.

Nico was tempted to say something in Italian.

Will sighed. He leaned his head back against the wall.

"Ok. I get it. You're mad at me. You probably hate me right about now."

" _Not nearly as much as I should,"_ Nico thought. He tried to move his eyes, not his head, in order to catch a glimpse of Will. He was still leaning back against the wall, his eyes lost somewhere in the ceiling tiles.

"I thought about this for a long time," Will continued. "But I always convinced myself that you weren't ever in serious danger. I thought I'd be able to keep enough of an eye on you to keep you safe. I thought I was some kind of doctor."

His eyes shifted from the ceiling and found Nico's for a split second. Nico looked away, pretending he'd been looking at the wall the whole time. He didn't think Will was convinced, but if he wasn't, he ignored it. He continued as if nothing happened.

"I'm a fucking idiot."

Will paused to sit up. He turned himself so he was facing Nico.

"I know you might never talk to me again after this, so I want to make myself really clear. I don't hate you. I actually love you a lot, and I want you to be a happy person."

He wasn't sure what he had been expecting, but these were not the words Nico wanted to being hearing right now. An outright confession was something he would have probably something he'd die to hear any other day. But today, waiting to go to the hospital, he had no idea what meaning the words had anymore. Some part of him was still really, really happy, elated even, but it was buried under everything else.

He wasn't sure where anger melded into sad and sad into anxious and anxious into excitement, and he doubted if he had a year he'd ever be able to untangle the web he'd woven in just a few minutes. Why was he so confusing to himself?

The weight Nico felt on his shoulders suddenly seemed to heavy.

His arms slipped off of the bench. Hie elbows hit his knees and his forehead went into his thumbs cupped around his eyes, blocking out his peripheral vision. And he stayed like that. He wasn't sure if he didn't want to keep looking forward or if he couldn't anymore. He heard rather than saw Will move above him.

"Can I touch you?" he asked. "Like, not in a creepy way."

Nico shook his head "no".

"Ok."

He was silent after that

Mrs, Kerr's footsteps slowly got louder until Nico guessed she was standing right in front of them.

"The ambulance is outside."

Her voice was directed towards Will.

"His dad is going to meet him there. You can head back to class now."

The bench creaked as Will sprang to his feet.

"I thought you were going to talk to him before deciding anything."

"After we talked to his dad, we decided this was the better option."

"But don't you need to talk to _him_?"

"He's a minor. Go back to class. You will not be considered excused if you continue to stay here."

Will's legs came into Nico's field vision. He knew he should sit up, or at least look up, but he couldn't bring himself to. After a second, Will had completely disappeared, probably down the hall.

Of course, no one would bother to consent him. Well, it was every child's dream to ride in an ambulance. Nico somehow doubted he'd enjoy it.

* * *

She wasn't wearing a name tag. He didn't even know her name, Nico thought, but she had a whole file on him. Medical records, birthday, family history.

Nico sat next to his dad, but only caught pieces of the conversation floating over his head.

"...family history of depression?…"

"...sister was 12…"

"...yes, one of his school friends…"

"...suicide rates much higher for LGBT teens…"

He was going to kill Will. If he went inpatient because of him, Nico was seriously considering murder. Ok, maybe not murder, but definitely was making Will give the P. E. presentation by himself.

God, that meant finals were back on. Nico hadn't done any studying lately. He was not going to be _that kid_ who has to repeat the year. The idea of taking Plant Class again was alone enough motivation to make him open a book as soon as he went home.

Maybe Hazel would help him study. She had been studying for weeks, writing notes on green colored paper because she claimed it helped with her dyslexia. Maybe he should try that as well. Nico wondered why books weren't just printed green. They already had to dye the paper white.

Was it bleaching or dying? There was a kid in the senior class was hair so white it looked like he bleached it. Nico supposed he'd never asked though. He was pretty sure the kid's name was Octavian. He had come by last year giving out flyers trying to get people to vote for him to get a spot on the student council. Nico hoped he'd gotten it.

He might want to join a club himself someday. No, actually, probably not. Weekly was too much of a commitment, and monthly wasn't enough to establish a pattern. He always acted like he was super productive in his own head, but when it came down to it, Nico knew he wasn't going to do anything but go straight home at the end of the day.

"Nico?"

Nico's focus snapped back to the doctor for the first time since entering the room. She was young for a doctor, Nico decided. Her long, dark hair was braided and hung over her shoulder. It stood out against her white coat.

"Your dad is going to wait outside for a little bit so we can talk alone. It'll only be for a few minutes."

Nico's dad stood stiffly, his suit jacket was folded at an odd angle, but he hadn't seemed to have noticed. He walked briskly towards the door. Nico noticed that he had dropped much of his formal mannerisms, as he watched him turn around in the doorway so he could face Nico.

"I'll just be outside the door," he tried to reassure his son. "Yell, and I'll come get you."

The door clicked softly behind him.

The doctor cleared her throat.

"I'm just basically going to repeat some of the questions," she said. "It's just to make sure you feel comfortable being honest."

"Ok," Nico agreed, not having caught the questions the first time.

"I have to ask these questions," the doctor said. "So, bare with me. Is anyone hurting you at home-"

"No."

"Physically, emotiona-"

"No. Not at all."

"Ok," the doctor said, marking something down. "And are you hurting yourself?"

Nico thought of the angry slashes running up and down his legs and the stab wound he'd given himself a few weeks ago. It hadn't quite healed yet.

"No," he lied.

He knew if he said "yes", he definitely wouldn't be able to go home. Nico was holding out hope he could still only spend an afternoon in the hospital and be back at school the next day.

The doctor raised an eyebrow.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure," he insisted.

"Any thought of suicide?"

"Not until just now."

"Just now" could mean a "few days ago".

"Homicide?"

"No."

"Are you taking anything you shouldn't be? Prescription drugs? Anything from off the street?"

Nico laughed.

"Absolutely not," he said, trying to regain his composure. It hadn't really been all that funny. Nico wondered if it was nerves.

The doctor put her notepad down. She leaned forward.

"You seem to be the picture of health. And yet, here you are. Is there perhaps some something you're choosing not to share?"

Nico shrugged.

"I think it's finals," he mumbled. "I'm just…. really stressed out. I'm not normally like this."

His voice was monotone.

"Have you ever been diagnosed with anxiety?" the doctor inquired.

Nico shook his head.

"I'll talk to your dad," the doctor said standing up. "He might want to schedule an appointment."

"I'm not staying here?" Nico asked, rising as well.

"Do you think you need to be?"

"No," Nico insisted.

Yes.

"Administration will walk you out," The doctor said reaching for the door handle. "It's a maze in here."

Nico nodded, but didn't follow the doctor out. He should tell her.

"Wait."

She turned back.

Nico froze. This was a mistake. He couldn't.

"What's your name?"

The doctor smiled.

"Zoë."

* * *

"Sorry you had to leave work," Nico said as he and his dad were on the road.

"It's fine," Hades di Angelo reasureed. "I'm glad you're ok."

His hands were still white, gripping the steering wheel tightly. He seemed to be paying very little attention to driving, relying on muscle memory in order to get them home.

"What did she ask you?" he asked Nico after a while.

Nico shifted to look out the window. The car rolled through the school district, slowed by the hundreds of parents all trying to be the first to pick up their kid. Nico looked for Will's bright head of hair, but he must have either been inside or already gone.

"Nothing," he replied. "It was just some of the same questions again."

"What happened?" his dad prodded further.

"It's finals," Nico told him, sticking with the lie. "They're making everyone crazy."

"Your friend seemed to think it was something else."

His dad had nothing, Nico knew. He never directly talked to Will. He could spin this. Nico scrunched his eyes shut, hating himself for what he was about to do.

"His girlfriend was hospitalized for depression. He never really got over it," Nico began. His own words made him flinch. He knew he was being extremely unfair to Will and painting him in a negative light. "When we were filming, I made a joke, and he took it the wrong way and got really worried."

"It sounds like he means well," Nico's dad decided. "But, don't joke about...whatever you said. You, of all people, should have known better."

"Well, yeah," Nico said. " _Now_ that I know…"

He didn't say anything else the rest of the trip. Anything more would ruin the story, and Nico wanted to quit behind while he was ahead. He was really banking on his dad not doing any follow up research. He guessed that, deep down, every parent wants their kid to be ok. He didn't blame his dad for not seeing through him.


	20. Two Black Eyes

**AN: It's 60k! Yayyyyyyyy! This thing's book length!**

He was stretched out in in bed, staring up at the ceiling. It was dark, but there was just enough light coming in from the window to make out the vague shape of his room. Nico kept going over and over the day's events. Nico knew he held grudges more than the average person, arguably more than was healthy. Still, he couldn't keep from fixating on it. Like a moth to a flame, Nico found his mind pulled back to Will.

He pulled his phone from his bedside table.

" _I hate you"_ he put into Google.

A song popped up. Nico hit play. Then repeat.

He couldn't stop. I was an hour before Nico realized his phone was almost dead.

He plugged it into the wall, and then, to distract himself, he pulled up his contacts. He was about to look over his and Will's last conversation, but he stopped himself and pulled up a different name instead.

Nico: Hey.

It only took a second before he got a reply.

Thalia: Yooo! Nico it's been so long ;-; /3

Nico: Where are you?

Thalia: home

Nico breathed a sigh of relief. This was what he had been hoping for.

Thalia: Got back yesterday :D

Thalia: Jason says he saw u

Nico: Please, take me anywhere but here.

He was so lonely it physically hurt. Nico felt like he'd go crazy if he spent anymore time at home.

Thalia: rn?

Nico: Yes.

Thalia: omw

Nico. Thank you. I'll be outside. Don't knock.

Thalia: gotchu

Nico quickly put on some jeans. He jammed his feet into his shoes, and grabbed his jacket on the way out of the door. He snuck downstairs. It was dark. The door was locked. He shut it quietly behind him and sat down outside on the sidewalk in front of his house. He noticed he was spending an increasing amount of time outside.

He looked down the street, watching for Thalia's car.

After a few minutes, he heard a loud rumbling. Turning his head, Nico saw a figure approaching him. It was far too small to be a car.

A motorcycle pulled into his driveway, parking next to Nico's dad's fancy work car. Nico scrambled to his feet. The leather clad figure took off her helmet. Thalia shook her head, her spiky hair flaring out around her. Even in the dark, Nico could make out her bright blue eyes.

"You are in college!" Nico protested. "You guys eat ramen, and don't have air conditioning! How do you have money for a motorcycle?"

Thalia laughed and walked over to Nico. She patted his head, her hand ruffling his hair. She had to reach her hand up. He must be getting taller.

"I'm in college. Now's the time for stupid mistakes," she said. "Come on. Let's get out of here. I'm a menace to society."

She walked back over to the motorcycle.

"I'm not keeping you up?" Nico asked, following her.

Thalia shrugged.

"Bit late for that now. I wasn't doing anything anyway," she decided. "Here."

She tossed him another helmet.

Nico quickly found it impossible to talk while on the road. The wind whipped through him, tearing at his clothes. He could feel the machine hum underneath him. He felt like he was a second from over balancing. In short, Nico loved it.

They drove downtown. Despite the hour, there were still a few people walking around. They roamed through the brightly light streets. Couples held hands and friends traveled in groups, laughing and shoving each other playfully. Thalia parked and the two of them joined the people on the streets. They wandered around a while, not really finding anything, most of the stores were closed. After a while, Thalia stopped outside bar.

"Hold up. I want to get something," she said.

"You're not 21," Nico told her.

Thalia flashed him a smile.

"Hell yeah, I am."

Nico rolled his eyes, but he couldn't help but grin.

"You want anything?"

Nico thought of Will and his anti drug retreat.

"Get me whatever you're having."

Thalia emerged a few minutes later with two beers on plastic cups.

"They're lemon flavored," she told Nico passing him one. "Probably not any good, but we'll see."

"Why did you get them if you don't think you like them?" Nico asked.

"I was curious."

Nico couldn't argue with that. He swirled the amber liquid around a few times in the cup taking a sip. It was bitter, but not as bad as Nico had thought it would be.

The two continued along the streets until they morphed into a river walk. The bright lights faded into the distance. It still wasn't dark, but the lights were fewer and weaker.

"This is nice," Nico said.

Thalia nodded.

"I thought you'd like it. A lot different from the suburbs."

It felt so much bigger than Nico was used to. His world consisted of the few miles between his school and home. It was a good change of scenery.

Thalia was still looking out into the distance.

"I used to come here all the time. I'd just hang out. I owned these streets."

They continued on fo a while. Eventually they came to a bench, and Thalia sat down, crossing one of her legs over the other.

Nico sat next to her, his cup held tightly in both his hands. It felt weird without his ring.

He knew she was waiting for him to say something. He liked that she wasn't asking; she was just there, ready to find out why she'd been dragged out of bed at such an hour. Then again, it was Thalia, so it probably wasn't that late for her.

"It's almost summer."

Nico glared sideways at her. She met his gaze.

"No."

Thalia's face fell. She turned her head to look out over the river again.

"It didn't work out then. Shame. Oh well, I was getting sick of hearing about him all the time."

"I didn't talk talk about him all the time!" Nico protested.

Thalia pulled out her phone.

""Will is coming over again to play with Mrs. O'leary."," Thalia read. ""I wonder if I should just get him a dog now and try to justify myself later?". Shall I go on?"

"Stop!" Nico said waving her off with one of his hands.

"Honestly, I feel like I know he guy," Thalia said, still reclining on the bench. "I mean, I know what music he listens to, his favorite class, who he mains in Smash, even his goddamn fish's name."

"Well, you can forget all of that now, and use the extra space for something useful," Nico told her.

They sat in silence for a while. Thalia finished her drink and crumpled the cup to pieces. The plastic made a sharp cracking noise as it snapped.

"What happened?" She asked.

"Um...I forgot…"

Thalia rolled her eyes, so noticeably that not even all her dark eyeliner could hide it.

More time passed. Nico began to grow cold. He stared out over the slowly rippling water. It made a swishing sound. Downtown was quiet. Most of the people had gone. The silence seemed to extend on forever, like a rubber band, growing tighter and tighter with tension.

"I fucked up," Nico confessed.

Thalia raised an eyebrow, but she remained silent, waiting for him to continue.

"I don't know what I was expecting," Nico said. "I did something dumb, and he told literally _all_ the adults. So now we're not talking anymore."

Nico glanced at Thalia, waiting for her to ask for clarification. It didn't come.

"I flipped out and yelled at him in Italian. I don't even remember what I said, but it wasn't good."

At this point, Nico had borderline forgotten he was meant to be talking to another person.

"And I don't know what I'm going to do for the rest of the year. Or the summer really. I hate it here. I hate everything about this."

Thalia sighed and stood up from the bench.

"Come on," she said, pushing her hair out of her face. "Let's get out of here."

Nico rose too.

He started after Thalia as she made her way back.

"You're not going to say anything?" he asked, incredulous.

She shrugged.

"What do you want me to say? I'm not gonna tell you what to do. If you don't want to talk to him anymore, I'm not gonna make you. You gotta make your own decisions. There are tons of other guys out there."

"Yeah," Nico agreed, but his heart wasn't in it. Will wasn't just "some guy" to him. Nico felt a great sense of loss weigh heavily on him. It was stupid, because he was mad at him, but as mad as he felt, he couldn't bring himself to ignore him completely.

He finished his drink in one gulp. The edges of his vision went fuzzy.

"I'll drive you home."

"I don't want to go home."

"You wanna come hang at my place?"

Nico nodded. His house felt cold. It was empty. Nico hated feeling stuck in it.

* * *

Thalia's house turned out to be an apartment, minimally furnished, and still very small and cramped looking.

"Quiet, Jason's asleep," Thalia said, pointing to the only door. She looked around the room. "So what do you want to do? We can watch tv on my laptop or just chill out."

"I want to sleep," Nico said. "I have school in," he checked the time "four hours."

Thalia shrugged.

"That's cool. I'm going to stay up. Season 2 of _Mr. Robot_ comes out in July. I want to re watch it."

"You'll stay here?" Nico asked.

"I can go somewhere else-"

"No," Nico interrupted. "Please stay."

Nico didn't want to be alone, and though Thalia couldn't fill the Will-shaped hole in his heart, he did feel much better around her. It was nice to hang out with just a friend.

Thalia began to unfold the couch into a bed. Nico helped her with the mattress.

"You want me to get some of Jason's clothes for you?" Thalia asked.

Nico shook his head.

Nico shed his aviator jacket and climbed into the bed. Thalia set up her laptop. She made sure to plug in headphones, so the room could stay quiet.

"Goodnight."

"Thalia?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

* * *

Nico woke to loud clattering. Apparently Jason had stumbled into the room, and had bumped into a chair, knocking it over.

"Where are my glasses?" he asked, seeing Nico bolt up.

Nico snorted.

"Hell if I know."

Jason's eyebrows creased together and he squinted towards Nico. Unable to make him out, Jason went back to his room muttering something about Thalia's boyfriends.

Nico looked around to find Thalia finally passed out on the floor, headphones still on. The laptop was still open, but the screen had gone dark.

Nico scrambled to his feet and began to straighten the bed. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to fold it back into the couch.

Jason reemerged, this time with his glasses hanging loosely on the bridge of his nose.

"Nico?"

He was surprised, but he hid it well.

"Good morning," Nico said, also trying to pretend that this was a normal occurrence that happened all the time.

"When'd you get here?" Jason asked, pulling a bowl from the cabinet of the kitchenet.

"Last night," Nico answered. He checked his phone. No new messages from Dad. "The bus stop around here?"

"Just outside."

Jason edged closer to Nico, a bowl of cereal in hand, and sat down on the bed Nico was still trying to figure out how to fold up.

"I'm guessing you're not a new boyfriend," Jason said between mouthfuls. "So what are you doing here?"

"Thalia and I were hanging out last night. And then she asked if I wanted to sleep over. And here I am," Nico explained. It wasn't really a very detailed account of what happened, but it got the general gist.

"Hmm," Jason decided. He didn't say anything else until the cereal was gone.

Nico looked down at Thalia, still leaning against the wall.

"Should we wake her?"

"Nah, leave her," Jason answered, standing up. "Give me a minute to get dressed, and we'll leave."

Jason's bus was almost exactly the same as his. Jason sat with Nico and tried to make small talk on the ride with minimal success. Nico wondered if Jason had other friends here. He looked around and found Hazel's friend, Reyna, a few seats away. She didn't seem to notice him. She was engaged in conversation with a black haired boy who was drinking some kind of a red liquid out of a water bottle.

* * *

Nico made a point of playing Chris that day. He had managed to get two more people, Lee Fletcher and Billie Ng, so they played four way Magic. Nico told them all individually, one immediately after the next, that they should totally ally with him. They'd take out the other players together and the it'd be down to the two of them. It seemed to get a kick out of the crowd. Lee's, already squinty, face contorted further in annoyance, but Bille and Chris laughed, promised they were both definitely on his side, and then attacked him. The game ended when Nico played Rise of the Dark Realms and amassed an enormous army out of everyone's graveyards. The crowd howled with laughter, as Chris, Lee, and Billie were systematically wiped out, one every round.

"You won last time," Nico told Chris. "I couldn't have lost lost again. My reputation would have been destroyed."

"You act like you're letting me win," Chris countered. "But we all know you're not nearly as good as you claim."

"Oooohhh!" the crowd taunted.

Nico looked a few tabled over. He couldn't make him out though all the people, but he knew Will was sitting there. Was he watching?

* * *

It was awkward in gym class. Will and Nico were still supposed to be working on the powerpoint together. Will hadn't said anything to Nico since before the hospital. Nico wondered if he'd say something now, but Will took a separate laptop and sat down several feet away from him. Nico wasn't sure if it was ignoring, or if Will was waiting for him to say something first. Well, that was fine, Nico thought. He didn't want to talk to Will anyway.

The two of them worked in silence for the period. Coach Hedge loudly dismissed the class, and Nico went to the locker room. Upon exiting it he found that, for the first time in months, no one was waiting for him outside it. The walk to his next class felt a lot longer.

The next day continued the same way.

On the third day, Nico noticed Jason, very conspicuously, trying to catch his eye before class started.

"What's up?" Nico asked.

"I have a message from Leo."

"What is he, a magician?" Nico asked, looking around, as if expecting Leo to emerge from behind some piece of furniture. There wasn't any furniture in the gym.

Jason snorted.

"Don't give him any ideas. Anyway," he regained his composure. "He wants to let you know that you've been formally invited to his end of year bonfire."

"But I've never even met him," Nico protested, slightly surprised Jason had even remembered his vague promise from months ago.

"Several people have put in good words for you," Jason winked. Nico tilted his head to the side. This must me some social cue he wasn't picking up on. "Not that it really matters. Leo pretty much likes everyone. So congratulations," he concluded. "You've passed the very, very easy test."

"I'm honored," Nico said sarcastically.

"It's on the 27th, which I think is a Friday," Jason mused.

"Who's hosting?" Nico asked, remembering that Leo lived in an apartment.

"Will."

Nico physically deflated.

"Yeah…"

"You don't need the address, do you?" Jason asked.

Nico raised an eyebrow.

"What do you think?"

Jason put up his arms.

"Hey, man. I don't know your life."

Nico looked over to look at the boy in question. Will had pulled a laptop from the stack and was seemingly hard at work. Knowing him, Nico was willing to bet he was actually on his dragon collecting site.

Jason followed his gaze.

"Hey. I know it's not really my business, but is everything ok with you guys?" Jason asked.

Nico thought about it for a second before nodding.

"You're right," he said. "It's not your business."

"Ok, yeah. Maybe not," Jason said. "But you know. If you ever wanted to…"

Nico walked away.

"Yeah, nice talking to you too," Jason called after him.

* * *

The next day, Nico gave his final presentation in Horticulture. It was a terribly long list of all the plant related activities he'd done that semester. Nico didn't have some of the pictures he was supposed to have taken.

He stared one of the few he did have. It was the plant with blue flowers that he had planted out in his yard. Will had helped him pick out that plant.

During his presentation, Nico made up a fair amount of the information he was supposed to have memorized. He hoped Mr. Brunner wouldn't notice.

Nico had almost finished his art project as well. He'd stopped taking it around with him as pretty soon after starting the water color. It would have ran down the page. That day, instead of packing it up like he normally did, Nico decided to skip lunch and work on it instead since the next period was open lab. He hated having to throw out all the water color he'd spent so long mixing.

He was surprised when, after a few minutes, a flurry of red hair entered the lab.

"Rachel?"

"Nico?"

Nico guessed he knew that Rachel went school too. And he knew she must spend a lot time in the lab, but he wasn't used to seeing her anywhere but the bus.

"I feel like I never see you anymore," Rachel said. She put down her own project on the table next to Nico's. It was much better than anything he could have ever done.

"Take your talent elsewhere!" Nico complained playfully, batting the edge of the paper further from him.

"No, seriously," she said returning from the closet, brushes and paints in her hands. "Are we even friends anymore?"

"We are," Nico protested. "I've just been busy with stuff."

He thought of Will's project. He was supposed to have filmed yesterday after school. Will had never contacted him.

"Me too," Rachel admitted. "I have the ACT coming up and you know how badly I do on tests."

"Didn't you get basically get accepted at some school in Maryland?" Nico asked

"Maryland Institute College of Art," Rachel corrected absently, as she began work. "But that means nothing if I don't do well on the ACT and my whole senior year."

She puffed out her breath, her freckled cheeks inflating and deflating quickly.

"What about you?"

Nico shrugged.

"I don't know."

He hadn't really thought that far. In all honesty, he hadn't even thought he's still be alive.

"Maybe the military."

Rachel raised an eyebrow.

"Huh, I'm not really sure what I was expecting, but it wasn't that-but I totally see it!" she cut herself off excitedly. "That'd be really cool."

The two worked in silence for a few minutes.

"Don't you have lunch now?" Rachel broke the silence.

"Yeah."

"You know you can take you stuff home. Don't you want to go eat?"

"No, I don't," Nico said. "I normally go to the library, but since everything was out here, I figured, you know…" he trailed off.

Nico turned back, trying to concentrate on his work. He had originally envisioned it would have a lot of bright colors, he bright pomegranates, all the leaves, but no matter how much color he put on them, they always seemed washed out. The empty cave under the trees, seemed to be getting darker and darker. The branches of the trees, seemed more twisted than before, gnarled and ugly, curling around the small pomegranates, choking the only pretty thing on the paper.


	21. Enlightenment

" _He never finished his project"_ Nico thought as he sat next to Will during gym class. It was the Friday before finals week. Nico hadn't said a word to Will for over a week. Will hadn't asked to do anymore filming, but Nico knew that therese were still several scenes they needed to finish. Plus, Will needed time to edit the footage.

It frustrated him that he cared about Will's homework. As much as Nico tried to be "too cool for school", be could never pull it off. He always wound up driving himself halfway insane with all the anxiety it brought him. It was one of the reasons he no longer looked at his grades.

Nico wasn't really mad at Will, and in all honesty, he wasn't sure he had been since he had returned from the hospital. He wondered if maybe Will was waiting for him. Hadn't he said he understood that Nico might never say anything to him again. Nico admitted he had thought of this already, but he hadn't known what to do with the information.

How was he even meant to start a conversation?

Nico glanced at Will. He was working on the final slides of the power point they were going to present on Tuesday. It was going to be really awkward. Nico couldn't imagine giving a presentation alongside someone he hadn't talked to in weeks.

Nico took a moment to mental prepare himself, and realized he was psyching himself out.

" _Salve,"_ he said, slipping into his first language.

Will's head snapped up and his eyes locked onto Nico's.

"Hello?"

Nico smiled internally. Will had just answered "hello" with "hello". The sound of his voice had made Nico's heart miss several beats.

Will immediately set down the laptop and turned his body to face Nico.

"Did you say something?"

Nico hadn't planned what he was going to say next.

" _Permesso?"_

It wasn't really a phrase used when talking to people, but Nico found himself using it now. Somehow it felt right. It was kind of like asking to be let back into his life.

Will looked confused.

"Do I need to invest in an Italian English dictionary?"

It sounded so genuine. Nico realized he'd never really hear Will use sarcasm much. It made him wonder if Will had honestly thought his ability to speak English was gone.

He couldn't help but laugh.

The serious expression on Will's face melted away. It was replaced with a, still slightly confused, smile.

"Sorry," Nico said after a moment.

"No, no it's fine," Will said, much more quickly than normal. "I mean, you know, I don't understand."

"I didn't know how to start a conversation."

Will shook his head, exasperated.

"Oh my God, how am I ever going to make you work?"

"What?"

"What?" Will echoed.

Nico narrowed his eyes, but he wasn't even a little bit mad. The butterflies he'd gotten used to returned, and he found them much harder to ignore this time. He forcibly pushed the smile from his face.

"Your project?" he asked. "What happened to it?"

"Oh, don't worry about it," Will said nonchalantly. "I talked to the teacher. When he heard you were in the hospital, he let me make a trailer out of it. Yeah, not much of an end, but it's done."

"Tell Kayla sorry," Nico said.

Will shrugged.

"She's fine. I bought her ice cream. But," he said in much more serious tone. "What happened?"

Nico knew what he was talking about.

"Nothing."

Will's face got even darker. He looked almost angry.

"How can nothing have happened?" he asked.

His voice was much stronger, and carried easily over to Jason and Piper who were working next to them. Nico saw Jason's eyes flick up for a millisecond before deciding to pretend he had heard nothing. He intently focused on the work that Nico knew was not that engaging.

"I-mmh-I-really?" Will asked. He put a hand to the side of his head. "You're not, like-how is that possible?"

Nico was beginning to regret telling Will in such a public place. It looked like Will was two seconds away from yelling.

"I guess I wasn't that bad," Nico said, thinking of the doctor and the several "truths" that might not have been entirely true.

Will shot him a very doubtful look.

"So you're not on medication," he asked in a calmer voice.

"No.

"And you're not in outpatient or any therapy at all."

"No," Nico said in a small voice. He knew he probably should be.

"This is bullshit," Will concluded. "I'm taking you myself. Fucking useless school."

He made a move as if to stand up, but Nico grabbed his hand.

"Stop," he hissed.

Will, unashamed of the looks the rest of the class was starting to shoot him, did relent, and remained sitting. He was still fuming.

"I'm not going," Nico told him.

"Why?" Will asked. He looked entirely frustrated.

"Because I, medically, don't need it, and I don't want it."

"Why won't you think about it?" Will asked. "I just don't get it."

Nico sighed.

"I have, and I've decided I want to this by myself," he said. "If i get better I want it to because I did something."

Will seemed very unhappy, but he eventually did give up on the idea.

* * *

"I'd invite you over, but-" Will said as the two of them walked through the hallway after class.

"Finals," Nico interjected.

"Finals," Will agreed. "But hey, I'll see you at Leo's party?"

"I'm not big on parties," Nico said. "But I supposed I can make an exception. I hear they burn homework."

Will's eyes went misty.

"Yeah," he said. "I went last year. So much fire. It was all great until Beckendorf got burned. I don't think it ever really healed." he shrugged. "He's in college now, so I guess we'll never know."

It was grimmer news than Nico had been expecting.

* * *

When Nico got home he found Frank's shoes by the front door. He sighed, realizing he was going to have to spend some time with the big guy.

Nico walked into the next room to find the two of them at the kitchen table. They were looking at a piece of paper. Hazel had a pencil tucked into her many curls. The two of them were talking in hushed voices, but they stopped as soon as Nico entered the room. Frank looked up at him nervously.

Hazel nodded and the two of them came around the table.

"Hello," Frank began. "At this point in time, I would like inform you-"

"What is going on?" Nico interrupted.

"If you let him finish-" Hazel started

"We're dating," Frank cut both of them off before they could start to bicker. "We wanted to let you know...officially," he tacked onto the end.

Nico, who had guessed as much months ago, shrugged. He went to pour himself a glass of water.

"Ok," he decided.

""Ok"?" Hazel asked.

"What? Do you need my blessing?"Nico put the empty glass in the dishwasher.

Frank shrugged, tilting his head to the side.

"Well, he took that well," he said to Hazel.

"Yeah, not bad?"

"Yeah."

"What's the paper for?" Nico asked. Going over to look at it.

"It's an outline," Hazel said. She looked down at the paper, pushing her hair out of her face. Frank came over and stood behind her.

Nico read a few lines and laughed.

"You're trying to script out what to say to Dad?"

Hazel and Frank looked sheepishly at each other.

"Kind of," Frank said.

"It was my idea," Hazel elaborated. "We were going to try it on you, but, um, it didn't work."

Nico rolled his eyes, but he couldn't help but smile. It was actually extremely adorable.

"Can you help us practice?" Hazel asked.

"Absolutely not," Nico countered. "Hey, you want to play _Monopoly_ or something. Or finals are coming up. We could all study. Individually."

He shot Frank a glance. Maybe he should ask for his blessing afterall.

"Please," Hazel asked. "Didn't you practice before you came out to Dad?"

"Nope," Nico said. "I just kind of did it. I think he already knew. Come on, he won't care."

Hazel and Frank didn't look like they believed him.

"He's scary looking, not evil," Nico tried.

Nico wondered why he was even bothering. The two were clearly set on their plan.

"Well, congratulations," Nico began. "I'll leave you alone to do...whatever couples do."

Nico turned to go up to his room.

"Can you at least come down when we tell Dad?" Hazel asked.

Nico nodded.

* * *

Sure enough, Hades di Angelo took it well. He let the two of them read everything off the paper before shaking Frank's hand and welcoming him to the family. Nico, jammed onto the edge of the couch by Frank, sat silently through the whole thing.

He couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy as he watched the two of them hold hands as they talked to his dad.

"...and I promise to bring her back before 10 every night," Frank was saying.

"Yes. You will," Hades said, extremely seriously.

Like Nico, his dad had the same dark hair and piercing eyes, and like his son, Hades had the tendency to be overly formal. Tall, and almost always dressed in a suit, he was an imposing figure. Nico was sure Frank was still terrified of him.

* * *

The next week was one of the worst. Finals weeks were always terrible for him, offset only by the fact they got off two hours early everyday. Nico felt exceeding underprepared, despite the fact he's spend almost all weekend trying to teach himself Horticulture. He and Will gave their presentation. Coach Hedge, who had seemed to have taken a liking to Nico, clapped loudly, and told him after class that he had definitely passed. Now safe, knowing his _gym_ class was in the clear, Nico began to prepare for the rest of the week. He knew English was doomed but hoped that his 504 would somehow save him. It only gave him extra time on the test, which was nice, but didn't do much. Nico was fairly sure he would pass the rest of his classes, but by the end of the week, he was convinced, along with most of the year that, he, personally, was probably the worst student ever. By Friday, he had given up, and just wanted to be done.

As soon as he got home, Nico collapsed on the floor. Mrs. O'leary walked up to him and began licking his face, condernadly.

"I feel this great weight lifted," Nico called out. "I can't believe I'm done."

"Do you think they put up grades yet?" Hazel asked. Nico heard noises in the other room and deduced she must be unpacking her bag.

Nico knew Hazel worried about her classes to an excessive level, but she'd never gotten anything but an A all the way through school. He supposed the joke was on him.

"No!" he called back.

"I'm just so-Nico?" Hazel asked coming around the corner and seeing him on the floor.

"Help, I've fallen, and I can't get up" Nico laughed.

Hazel exhaled loudly.

"I just don't understand what makes you happy," she decided.

* * *

Nico wasn't really sure how to pass the few hours before Leo's party. He gathered all his homework into several folders and stacked them on the kitchen table. The party technically started at 7 and was meant to go until 11:30. Apparently, Leo had wanted to go later, but a lot of the younger attendants parents had made him change the time. Nico's dad had offered to drive him home, but he was going to have to find his own way over. Not wanting to bother Will, Nico decided he'd leave early and walk over.

It wasn't Will who opened the door when Nico knocked. In his place was a Mexican kid, almost the exact same height as Nico. His hair was wild, and he seemed to have charcoal dust smeared on his face. He smiled broadly and extend a hand right away.

"Leo," he said, shaking Nico's hand a little too excitedly.

"Nico."

"Come in," Leo said, stepping aside. "Almost everyone is here."

Nico followed him inside. He's never seen this many people in Will's house. They lined the wall, talking and laughing to each other. Several of them were holding cups or plates with food on them.

"Will's big on drug free things," Leo said as they walked through the house. "So if he asks, there's no alcohol here. If you want some, ask Thalia."

Nico snorted. He wondered if this was how it went every year.

"So, I don't know how many people you really know," Leo continued, as they headed outside. I huge fire pit had been set up on the patio. The flames were roaring, and yet more people were standing around it. As Nico watched one of them threw in a page of math problems.

He looked around and realized he recognized several people. Percy Jackson was standing next to his girlfriend, Annabeth. The two were talking to another boy with a thin, wispy beard. Brown, curly hair poked out from under his rastafarian hat. He was crouched down next to the fire, poking it with a stick. Percy must have said something to him, because he looked up and laughed before getting up. The three of them walked off.

"But, yeah," Leo said, not seeming to have noticed anything. "We're all pretty chill, so don't worry about it."

"Leo!" someone called.

Nico turned found a very pretty girl. Her long, caramel colored hair was pulled back and she wore a plain white shirt.

"Hey, I got to go," Leo said. "See you later. Nice meeting you."

Leo left with the girl.

Nico looked around again. Surprisingly, he saw Chris Rodriguez was one of the kids at the fire pit.

"Hey," he said walking up to him and pulling out several pages of English notes. "I didn't know you were going to be here, or I would have brought my deck."

Chris looked up.

"Oh, hey," he said. "I mean, I do other things too."

"So, how do you know Leo?" Nico asked.

Chris shrugged.

"I don't really know. He's friends with my girlfriend's sparring partner. So, she invited me too, but then she ditched last minute, so here I am."

He gestured around, before throwing another piece of paper into the fire. It crackled and curled instantly, a red ring starting at the edges, and slowly turning the page to black ash.

"Still, cool party though," Chris continued. "I hear the Stolls have got fireworks."

Nico's mind instantly went to someone getting their fingers blown off.

"Cool," he said, hoping it didn't sound too apprehensive.

Chris and Nico burned more homework as they talked. By the time Chris declared himself too hot to stand around the fire anymore, Nico's stack was a third gone. Nico said goodbye and went to find someone else to talk to.

Inside he found Thalia hanging around the food, accomieded by a tall blond boy. He had a long scar running down the side of his face.

"Nico!" Thalia called out.

"Hi," Nico said joining him.

"This is Luke," Thalia said, introducing them.

Nico took an instant dislike to Luke. Maybe it was the scar, but something about him seemed off. Still, Thalia seemed to like him ok, so Nico kept his judgments to himself.

"Have you burned your homework yet?" Nico asked.

"Didn't bring any," Luke dismissed the idea.

Thalia would have probably like to have talked to him longer, but Nico, eager to get away from Luke, excused himself after a few minutes.

Nico wandered around for a bit longer, unsure of what to do with himself. He really did feel out of place at parties.

In the living room, a lot of kids were sitting in a big circle. It took Nico a few minutes to realize they were playing _Werewolf_. Nico was extremely good at _Werewolf_ , even if he didn't play it very much. It was a pretty simple game, where some of the players were towns member and the others were werewolves. The town was trying to kill the werewolves, and the werewolves wanted to eat the town. The game often devolved into shouting matches between players. It was always well received.

After a few minutes of hanging on the edge of the circle, he walked up to the moderator, and asked how long before the next game started. The moderator introduced himself as Malcolm Pace, and he and Nico had a good time watching the group play the game, laughing whenever the circle said something particularly stupid.

Jason, Piper, and Austin were all in the game. Jason and Austin died early on. Piper fared far better, as she was able to convince the rest of the player who was the best to kill. It all turned out to be for naught, because Piper was a werewolf. She killed most of the town before getting called out by Leo's friend, Nyssa.

Nico joined in the next game. After getting killed early, Malcolm asked if he wanted to mod for a while. Nico agreed and ran the next three games, until Malcolm came back and took over. He and Austin left to go get something to eat.

Leo had set up everything on Will's counter.

"What is this?" Nico asked in disbelief, as he looked at one of the bowls. It was filled with long, twisty puffed corn.

"I don't know," Austin said, putting handfuls of chips onto a plate.

"No, I know what they are," Nico said. "I'm just surprised he even found some here. They're Fonzies."

"Why'd you ask then?" Austin asked.

"Oh my God, shut up," Nico countered. "It's an expression."

"I will not be abused in such a fashion," Austin said huffily.

He and Nico went outside to eat. The sun had set, casting the lawn in an orange light, exemplified by the fire light. The flames had climbed to dangerously high level It looked like there wasn't enough room in the fire pit. Pieces of half burned paper were scattered across the grass. They must have blown out. Kids were still throwing their homework in though.

Percy and the Stoll brothers were running across the lawn throwing water balloons at each other. The guy in the rastafarian hat had set out several scraps of food and was trying to convince the birds to leave the safety of the trees and come sit by him instead.

Nico watched them while Austin finished his food. Nico felt someone sit down next to him. He turned to find Will. He was carrying several bags of marshmallows.

"I'm not hosting again next year," he complained.

"Come on," Austin protested. "You're house is perfect, and you're parents aren't home."

Nico realized he'd never actually seen either one of Will's parents. He wondered where they were.

"My lawn's a mess," Will said.

Nico thought of all the plant related active he'd been forced to do that year.

"Screw plants."

Will turned to him, a bemused expression on his face.

"Horticulture final not go well then?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Nico told him.

Will laughed and put a hand on his shoulder.

Austin, who had finished eating, looked around sharply, seeming looking for something.

"Damn it. I left my saxophone inside," he said springing to his feet. "I'll be right back."

"No one wants to hear you play!" Will called after him, but it was too late. Austin had disappeared inside.

"Idiot," Will mumbled to himself. "He gets into honors and he thinks he a star."

"You mean he's better than you now," Nico corrected.

Will frowned.

"I don't play the saxophone. It's completely different."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that," Nico commented.  
"Here, you want to help?" Will asked, giving Nico a bag of marshmallows. "Leo's trying to get everyone to "feast"of the "burnt offerings". His words."

Rounding everyone up took a long time, but eventually they were all was gathered around the fire pit. The sun had completely gone down. Leo pushed his way to the front of the crowd, silhouetted against the only light source.

"Friends, Romans, Countrymen-" he began.

"Brutus is an honorable man!" Annabeth called. She and Malcolm were the only ones who really laughed. Everyone else either smiled politely, or looked confused. Nico guessed it must be a "smart person" joke.

Leo smiled good naturedly, and continued.

"We celebrate another year in hell behind us! And we rebel in the only way I know: lighting a bunch of stuff on fire."

The crowd laughed.

"Here's to our education!" Leo finished. He held up a huge pile of his own homework and dramatically threw it into the fire. Sparks flew everywhere, making the people in front jump back. The flames rose even higher, and Leo began passing out marshmallows.

"Does he really hate school?" Nico asked.

Will shrugged.

"No idea."

Nico drew away from the crowd, and Will followed him. They watched as the Stolls started setting up the fireworks. Leo, intrigued, began to help them.

"This is a good idea, yes?" Nico asked.

Will grinned.

"Probably not."

With a loud bang, one of the fireworks went off. A bright flash of red exploded in the sky. The sky looked smokey.

Leo, along with the rest of the crowd seemed delighted. The rest of the fireworks were quickly set off. The sky become a abstract painting with reds, greens, whites, and blues smattering the black canvas. I was the highlight of the party.

The party began to wind down after a few more hours. People began to leave. The house got quieter and quieter until only Leo, Jason, Piper, Thalia, Luke, Will, and Nico were left. They stood around the fire pit, throwing what remained of their homework into the fire. The flames, once so high, seemed to be suffocating under all the ashes. The air had grown cold. Jason had his arm around Piper's shoulders.

After a while, talk died away too, until they were all just staring at the fire, transfixed.

Piper whispered something to Jason. He nodded.

"We should go," he said, breaking the sleepy silence.

"Us too," Thalia said. "I've got work tomorrow."

Leo thanked them all for coming, and said he'd walk them out.

"We should put out the fire," Nico said as they left.

Will didn't say anything. He was still looking into the fire, distracted. The light reflected in his eyes.

"Will?"

Will shook his head slightly.

"Yeah," he said after a few seconds.

Leo was inside packing up all the leftover food.

"Give me a hand?" he asked when he saw Will and Nico.

Will, still in his semi distracted state, began to empty out the bowls.

"Thanks for inviting me," Nico said to Leo.

"Yeah," Leo said smiling. He seemed to be the only one with energy left. "Not a bad turn out. And no one got burned this year. You're both invited again for next year. Bring whoever you want."

"Thanks," Nico said, thinking Hazel might want to go next year.

"Don't know if I'll still do it after I graduate," Leo mused. "Hey, we'll see!"

Leo chattered on as they packed. Nico interjected a few words here and there, but honestly, Leo could have probably gone on by himself just fine.

Will and Nico helped Leo carry the food out to an old, beat up car. It seemed to be in perfect condition despite its age, and when Leo started it, it ran like a much newer car. Leo waved goodbye. The car speed down the street much faster than the speed limit. Nico saw it jerk to a stop at the light so fast Leo fell forward, only kept in place by his seat belt.

He felt his phone buzz.

Dad: I'm coming to get you now.

Nico shut the door and walked back into the hallway where Will was standing.

"My dad's coming," Nico told him.

Will nodded.

Nico looked at him again. He still seemed distracted.

"Hey, what's up?" he asked.

"I want to try something," Will said. His words were slow and deliberate. "Just stand there."

He took a few step closer. He was only inches away, and Nico had to look up slightly.

"Please...don't freak out."

Before Nico could say anything, Will bent down. Nico felt a light pressure, as Will's lips found his. It was over before it began, but it was enough to make Nico's heart stop. I was as if his whole body had frozen. He had to remind himself to breathe.

Will took several step back, his hand over his own mouth, as if the kiss had been poisonous.

"I'm sorry-"

His words were muffled by his hand.

Nico reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling it from his mouth.

"Stop," he tried to quiet the profuse stream of apology. "Stop. Stop! Will. It's fine."

The apology stopped.

Will's face was redder than Nico had ever see it before.

"It was nice," Nico said.

"Could I...do it again?"

Nico couldn't help it. He exhaled heavily, turning his face away. It was hard to believe this was actually happening, and Nico hadn't imagined it.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting to hear that," he managed after a few seconds.

He was engulfed by Will's arms. They held him tightly, and he could feel Will's chin on the top of his head. All the tension seemed to dissipate.

"How long," he heard Will ask above him.

"Winter?"

Will pulled away and looked him in the eye.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah," he said, slightly embarrassed. "Why? How long was it for you?"

"A couple months."

Nico felt his face break into a smile.

"Are we idiots?" he asked.

"I think we are," Will said, laughing.

A nagging sensation broke the happiness Nico was feeling. It was the whole reason he hadn't asked Will out much sooner.

"I thought I was broken-" he tried to explain.

Will cut him off.

"Don't say that," he said, taking Nico's hand. "Yeah, you've got issues, but that doesn't make you a different person."

"I just thought…" Nico wasn't sure how to finish the sentence. I thought you wouldn't love me? I thought I'd be too much work?

"Of course I don't care," Will said. "I thought you already knew that."

"Sorry."

A thought occurred.

"What time is it?" Nico asked.

"Late."

Nico pulled out his phone and quickly looked at the time.

"It's still today."

27\. He was going to remember that.

Nico's phone buzzed in his hand.

"It's my dad," he said. "I have to go."

On the ride home, Nico got another message.

Will: Sorry it took so long.

Nico's heart melted.


End file.
